@candacepayne - Chewbacca Mom's Husband Was Oblivious to Her Viral Video w/ Candace Payne

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

In this episode, we talk to Candace Payne. You might know her as "Chewbacca Mom" from that crazy viral video a few years ago. But she's also an author, speaker, podcaster, wife, and mom. She's hilarious, brilliant, and she loves Jesus with an incredible passion.

You can find Candace on Instagram, YouTube, and her podcast. 

All right welcome back to episode threeof young married christian, a younger and christian, were on a mission to seea gospel center at home, made available for every single child in the fostercare system, and in this episode, you're going to hear from candas pain,aka chu, baka mom. Yes, he chew back a mom from that crazy viral video a fewyears ago and you're going to love this conversation yeah one of the things iloved the most was her secret sauce to marriage, which was finding the fun andone of the things that she talked about was her and chris, going on aquarantine date in a car wash and having a little make out session. What i also love when candice talked aboutthe importance of really tuning into the holy spirit, having holy spirit,sensitivity and allowing that to guide your every day actions and how you makedecisions. She also talks about her dreams and aspiration to be on snl oneday. She even does a chris farley apperson that had me busting at thesames laughing. So please love it and grab on to your prayer beats jordan,because here comes a young merry reston, i don't even know what a walla is. We've seen him out here. What is wawa? Oh, it's a gas station, it's not even agrocery store. I mean it's a here's, my knowledge like what don't laugh at me,but on tin, mom, to one of the moms kind of outed out an x and said that hetried to make an advance on her at the wawa and so we're like. What's a wethought it was a body part for a long time. We didn't understand the contextof what she was saying made an advancement other a land. So then wewere like maybe they're just calling it that, and we don't know what that means.That's like how out of it are we that we don't understand this and then wefound out it was. You know some sort of eastern kind of yeah, but we were kindof thinking. Maybe it's a walmart and they call it a wawa. His like, like wewere so confused for so long yeah i mean we didn't. I didn't knoweither coming from indiana kentucky thorns was our thing: partans yeah buckies is a good. I wanted so badly to go to a buckieswhen we were driving the country, but we did it. Buckies is worth it you'llstop in there, for, like nine hours lose a day, it's twilight zone and thenyou'll come out and you'll be like wow. It's dark out here. Okay, so in texasyou caught taco, hell, mcdonald's, isn't no! Now uhu, let's put yourselfyou're getting out of church sunday morning, uhu, where, if it's your choice, where youtakin the family through a drive through gago through a drive throughyour choice, where are you going well chick fillets out because are closed onsunday? It s the reason for the question. I know we saw constantly. Weconstantly argue about that. If i'm going to go through a drivethrough on a sunday, we probably would do m, maybe pop eyes chicken cheese on chick filet, yeah, pup eyes,chicken or maybe it just depends panda express- might do some pandit forus. I feel like you and jaren are on the same level. Yet he was also likepanda express yeah. He did a whole like segment about panic. I could totallysee that yeah. I guess you've made it once panderess becomes your. I that'swhen you know it's like either that or when i guesssomeone steals your identity or co, potley or yeah, or they try to make afake account yeah and they ask people for money from your name. That's reallygreat yeah. What happened with the canis paying gifts? Oh my gosh! I don'teven know i didn't even know there was one until somebody sent me one and iwas like there's a gift out there, that's dumb. So this is a gift like gif, huh andpeople. So i call it jeff jeff, okay, like the peanut butter huh, i'm thesoft g. The correct way have hard feelings about that. Word:okay, so jiff jeff, yea yea. So so what happened to tell us about this stolenidentity? What happened? What do you? What are we talking about? I can'tremember you said that there was somebody thatdid a canis pain, gifs right, you had a still en idity. I was reading it when iwas going through your book, and you said that, like you find out thatsomebody out there is like posing as you they're texting, your friends, ohyeah. Okay, sorry, i was just a contest, yeah, sorry! So what happened? How did you find out? How did this whole thing go downbecause i'm sure one day you're just...

...siting there? Your friends are like what's going on. Why are you sending methese messages? Well, what's funny is that was the first time like it'sactually become like a kind of a normal thing. Maybe once a year or twice ayear, i get somebody trying to either pretend to be me and create a new pageand take my photos from all of my socials and put them on a new thing. Oh,like that's kind of normal, now like. If you have, i guess so many followers.They see the ability to you, know kind of engage as followersit may be or dormant and so they'll create a dummy page. That kind of lookslike you or maybe they'll, replace the eye in your handle with the one to seeif you'll notice it or not, you know and then they'll just try to getwhatever their little scheme is. I don't know, i don't really care, i justblock and report at this point. I just basically go not me so we'relooking at you we're talking to you, people just don't do that. It's notcool yeah or i mean i guess for me. No doubt it's anybody, that's listening tothis podcast. It's doing that. Let's just be honest, but probably somepeople out there that they're like here's, the only way in my mind itfeels so desperate. Do you know what i mean because it's just kind of likethis is the only way that i could make money quick or convince somebody tofollow me or to create this little whatever, and it's just dumb, it's justdumb. So that's what i have to look forward to well yeah, i mean sure, growit grow it and then block and report yeah. I wonder what weird version ofyoung mary christian. They would put up like i do. I would switch the lone evendon't give them my tis. No go even give him the idea yeah now crazy. Now beforeyou were, you know, canis pain, and everyoneknows who you are, and you go viral before that, and you went to collegefor music, theater, correct, yeah yeah sure did what was your hopes and dreams likegetting that degree? What were you wanting to do? What were you wanting tobe? What was that aspiration for you or that look like i started off as musiceducation actually awesome good education, yeah, and i get to the pointin my degree where i'm now starting to observe classrooms and go throughputting my hours in the actual rooms with students, and i was just thinkingthis is such a noble profession for somebody you know and then every time iwould say that in my mind it would be for somebody for somebody. I just neverreally felt like for me like. It was something that i wanted to do andcontinue on in, and so i thought well, i'm just going to switch over tomusical theater. This is i just feel like entertaining and and making peoplelaugh as something extremely fun and i feel like i can. Do it probably therest of my life. You know i know my parents are like no way everybody's,like that's, not sensible, and really it wasn't it. It wasn't, but i just knew that iwasn't necessarily fit to be in a classroomday in and day out that that wouldn't be something thatwould probably spark my joy for the rest of my life, not that i don't likehelping people i mean. Obviously i find myself on this side of the the curtain.You know years later and i'm teaching in a very different way. I have alarger classroom than what i would have ever imagined from that moment and notonly that i'm not specialized in music or theater to teach that so that's kindof like a thing that i had to break out of as well, but i actually never finished my degree.I left at the end of my junior year yeah so so i actually was like that wasgreat. I spent a lot of time doing the school of hard knocks. You know thelearning life so and yeah i mean we should say god bless teachers. Thankyou for what you do. I tried it for three years. It is very hard this pastyear of two thousand, a twenty two thousand and twenty one. I don't evenknow how they've managed you know my kids, they have just finished their school year andthey had their classrooms. Half of the students were in person, half were athome on zoom lessons, and so the teachers were having to teach in personand online at the same time, all day long, and so that's where you just go,these people are super heroes and amazing, and i just felt like everysingle teacher gift that i would come across i'd be like yeah. Let's just addit to the basket, i don't even know. I don't know how much is is racking up,but they deserve it. They deserve it all. That's just go. You know theyreally do and and probably a good thing that yea had a little bit of college.For you know, music education, because god was preparing you to be a teacherin two thousand and twenty yeah. I o my god, sure there's a lot of parents thatwish they would have had a little bit of like. Oh, my goodness, like what dothese people do all day, like yeah, yeah, yeah tears over many computerscreens and and me being like listen. I had to tell my my administration at ourschool. We just don't let our kids on...

...the computer, like the internet is adangerous place like it doesn't. Forgive it doesn't forget right. I knowthat better than anybody, and so for our kids screen time is crazy. They'vehad more screen time this year than they've ever had in their entire lives,and so our hope this summer is to actually we do so a lot of our screentime for this year. You know so yeah, probably probably a good thing, they're,probably out right now in the lobby on screen yeah they are, they are sore,i'm winning i'm winning at life. Doing that goal right now i've been arni, i'mbeing a catalyst to their scrate. I apologize for that. So go back to your music theater for meand my mind yea as small as it is with music theater. I always think when ihear somebody's a music theater major, i think of you're, going for broadwayright or you're going to come down and work for making mouse because beinghere in orlando, you know, i mean we have dancers and singers all kinds ofperformers here in orlando, were you trying to go down one of those venturesor did you have something else? My ultimate dream was saturday night live.I mean i like. I grew up watching saturday nightlive with my family and the very first time i heard about chris farley. My momwas in another room watching tv and i was in my bedroom and she goes hey hunthun you got to come in here. There's a guy on tv that looks in next, just likeyou and i was like what and i go into the living room and i'm watching mattfolly in a van by a river for the very first time- and i was like oh my gosh-this is awesome. You know so everything that he started to do. I would just youknow, zone in on and tommy boy came out when i was in high school. You know allthese chris farley things just felt like. Yes, i could do that. I couldactually do that with my life. Let's go on snl, i'm already writing skits in myhead twenty times a day. You know. I have two things that i do when i wanderoff in dreamland. It's designed stupid, t shirts and it's right skits fornobody. You know, and so i thought, let's do that with my life. That's thatsounds amazing, merch and just skits. Let's go you know, and that's that'sreally. My hope was to somehow do comedy of some sort with improvization and stuff. Like thatawesome man. Do you have any kind of chris farley impersonation? Did youreally master that it's scary good? Is her good? It's like if you saw me eventhat, like i just naturally talk like that when i'm being silly and it's likea you know the chris farley show. What do you remember that it's a skip thathe did on snl when he would have his own show, but he'd be so nervous andall he would talk about was having a guest and asking him if they rememberedthe famous things that they did so as a famous person that would be likenightmare it'd be held to recount, like all your famous scenes, that you'reknown for and that's all, he would do in his interview. So he just be likeyou remember that i very that time when you're, i think, with on you're you're, fighting bad guys andstuff awesome. You know they would be like yeah, it's what idid you know, and so i mean like when i saw him doing those kids and beinghimself i was like yes, that is, that is one hundred percent. It's how i feltaround boys. It's how you know what i mean like. I feel like i'd, be talkingto a guy that was hot in high school and i think hey, don't. Are you gonna? Like saturday, we have friends and stuff that we're we're seeing a movie doing that and they'd be like yeah. Are youwanting to go on like a group date? Yeah got me awesome. You know, i imaginethat how you and chris matt no we'll get to that way, we'll get tothat. But the rest of this interview, i hope you know, is now going to be thatit's just going to be me. Ask in a crisp want tales o o ye that horrible. My myus likasi kid in a walker. It was a definite definite distinction betweenyour voice and the impersonation. Like i don't know what happened there, butthat's always how it is. My impersonation is different: it's justunaccurate unaccurate or it's not accurate, notaccurate, got just not accurate, it's never accurate. So have you everthought about taking that like dream of snl and turning it into something wherei mean like as a christian, i watch s n le, i love it, but then there's also those times where i'm like man. Some ofthis stuff is pretty crude a over the time a little too much and i would loveto be able to like sit down and have like an snl that i know is going to bekit comedy but, like a clean kit, come i've ever thought about. I mean we'vehad jaren on the show. We've got shama coming in. Have you ever thought abouttag teaming with some other hilarious...

...christian people? Oh, my goodness, andjust like doing something like that, hasever been a thought like. What would that look like ever been a thought?That's like my dream. Every day now, when tubacca mom stuff happened, therewas a moment where i had to quiet everything and just kind of sit andthink what is going to come from this, and i remember thinking, okay, there'sthings that i know that are opening for me right now that i could walk into alot of those things have done over the past five years. I've done theauthoring. I've started speaking i've. Just really i mean i have a website,that's dumb enough. Let's just start there, i like have a website wherepeople can go and find resources that i have. I didn't even like dream that up,but in my mind, if we're going to go, you know take the top off of the lidand, let's just dream the biggest thing you can dream of. I just don't see verymany women late night shows that are killing it, and especially ones thatare late night, but that could be fun exuberant and if your kids are upaccidentally come on come on in the room, let's laugh, i grew up watchingthe carol. Burnett show i grew up. You know laughing hysterically at ye ha ornot yeha. What's it called hi ha? No, which one is it? Is he ha he ha there.We got the way ye you is it eho. I think you o. What is my family was onthat show? No, they weren't yeah. They literally made a joke about them. Theywere like cayana indiana population. The family you're like that was like my cutplaying a fan. I son just so you know we are. We are hillbillies yeah, yeah,yeah, seah yeah, and then i also had you know. I mean these these moments,where i would look at johnny carson doing these little sketches before he'dhave a guest out and the ed sullivan show, with creating new space for a upand coming artist and talent and then snl that would have this sketch vibe.So i started really thinking if i was going to do anything with the multi setof talents and capabilities that i would have i'd want to create a spacethat at any time you turned it on whether late or early morning or yourre watching it. It would be a place for fun for laughter for entertainment, forhighlighting people that are doing incredible things through art and musicand just be a place that you could literally find yourself wrapped up injoy, and you like, i can't wait to watch that now. I look atcontemporaries, like goodness, james cordon, that guy he infuses hispersonality, jimmy fallon, they just infuse who they naturally are, and dothese fun games even ellen. You look at her with the branding that she's doneof creating brand new games that are game play. I mean like it's just takingthese moments and saying: let's have fun and i'd love to have some sort ofcomedy sketch late night show when it's all said and done like. That would bethe ultimate dream, and i don't know if that's a christian e bibe that you'dwant to put on it. But i would say that it's, it would be a place that wouldjust be honoring to what fun and joy and comedyis instead of satire and really making it to the point where you devalueanybody or anything else like. I think our sense of humor right now is sojaded, like our sense of humor, as a society over here in america is eithersatirical to the point of we are being such jerks to show you an exaggeratedlens of what you really are, and we just need some truth. Sayers inplaces that i'll stand up and say it instead of joke about it, you know,because, obviously the jokes aren't really helping us they're becomingjeers and we're not finding many people cheering you know, and so the comedy that i would love to see isactually being able to enjoy a moment of fun. That's physical! That's notthat's ironic! You know these things that are built on characters. I meanthat's the beauty of old school snl. Are these characters that you wouldjust fall in love with? I don't know i mean we impersonated the spartancheerleaders when i was in high school. You know for you banquet at church. Iremember it and who didn't didn't right? Who didn't so? I meanlike there's things that we can take from what we've seen and really make it, andi hate even using the word clean, clean comedy, because i really just feel likeyou know, dirty comedy, i still to be quite honest at my christian friendsare going to get mad. I appreciate it because i'm like you're at leastpointing out something that we need to identify or that you're like nobody's,going to be able to talk about this so i'll be the first to say it comedy doessomething that a lot of people forget and it breaks down walls. It breaksdown barriers. So, even if it's dirty it's hitting something that goes we'renot speaking about this and i'm going...

...to be the first one to talk about itand, let's open up that conversation. Well, why can't we do that in a waythat does it honoring to other people and to subjects and topics that we'reafraid of even tackling within the church, with him faith, believerswithin other. You know sections where we have discrimination and we have bias.You know i mean let's go there, so i'm not i'm not upset about that, but i'malso not very intentionally going. I want a safe club for christians, i'mdone with that too. Right like we don't need any more country club christianplaces for us in this world at all, and i would have hundred percent agree whatit yeah damaging and do you say that for any certain reason, is there aparticular thing for you like in the back of your head of? Why you're likeno more of this? No more of this, like just putting the christian box aroundthings. Well, i mean like i could talk about my church trauma for five hours.What do we got? I mean like i'm just saying like every time that wesegregate and we come together for the intension purposes of making somethingfor ourselves. That's not the definition of what the verse talksabout when it says be holy because i am holy. You know what i mean like. Wethink. Well, i'm trying to be holy here, so i'm eliminating everything else andi'm creating this space to be holy. Well, here's the problem with thatthought: we create a space, that's our space with our intentions, our thoughtsin our directives, but the real reality is is we can only be wholly. We were inthe presence of god. He says you can be holy because i'm holy. So if we try tocreate any place outside of him to have this holy vibe, it's still not. It'sstill not meeting the mark. It's missing the mark all together, and yetwe like to claim those things as well at least they're trying to be so cleanand awesome and holy and wonderful and safe, and i'm sitting here going well,i don't have a safe god. I have a very honest god. I have a god that didn'tleave out the historical truths and scripture and he didn't leave out thefailures. You know what i mean like we love to elevate christian rock starsand be like they're doing so great and then, when they mess up, then we trashthem. You know trash him and throw them away, and my thought is is look atsolomon, y'all god. Let us see the end of his story was trash, it was garbageand he still wrote it word for word for truth for what it was, and we justdon't understand, really what the holiness of god is. It's, yes, aseparation from what our carnal and our flesh desires right, but it absolutelyis infused with truth and justice and, like all the things it doesn't hide,and i feel like our christian clubs that we create or whatever we do, totry to kind of segregate ourselves. It creates this atmosphere, that's notholy because we're not being truthful and we're not having justice as amatter of fact, in our in our little clubs that we create we're creatingelitism and we're creating these other things that are really against thecharacter nature of god that promote favoritism and nepotism in a lot ofplaces, and so i'm sitting here going y'all we're missing the mark on whatit's like to actually see the holiness of god. I'm sitting here, praying likejesus. Did your kingdom come not me, create your kingdom wherever i want toand invite whoever in i want to. But let me pray, hey. Your kingdom come oncome on and if it's here let's go, you know open up the doors so yeah. If iwas going to create something, i definitely wouldn't want it to have achristiani feel, and i really wouldn't want the secular world to feel like. Oh,that's, just christian i'd want them to feel invited. I love that yeah it now.You were talking about a space for a while, while you were talking about alland then you just switch to like yeah it'd be nice to have just like onelittle like show, but it sound like for a while you're talking about like achannel like canis pain. I don't know if it'd be, like cans, pains joynetwork. You know i mean it is just like twenty four hour joy field,entertainment. So is this an interview we're just dreaming up stuff becauselet's go let's go i mean now i that's what i that's what i wasenvisioning in my head when you were talking through. All of that was justlike all day long. If you turn on that channel, dude yeah you're getting goodcontents, not necessarily christian content, but it's good quality yeah. Isthere a better word to use than clean? I don't know, but i feel like there hasto be. I washed ever watched this content. I o n and i don't feel likesafe. Is it too because here's a deal i'm going to it's probably going totick some people off, but i don't care. Let's get this point, my my idea ofwhen we say that we want something safe for the family, we're already, assumingthat your family is on the same level of every conversation and that's justnot true. I'm a grown woman. That's been married for nearly twenty years,and so i can have conversations with my friends with my close people with thewith grown up other people about my sex life in my marriage. I can haveconversations that are deeper about...

...topics that we can uncover that i don'tdo in front of my children, because their maturity level is not there. Imean here's the deal, exposure to anything like that, whether it bethrough something that they see or hear or misunderstand it actually has acorrelation of changing their perception of their relationships andhow they need to move on in their life as well and what they're seeking whenthey start going through puberty. So it's just it's just the idea that youcan have mature and immature conversations like, and that's where isee clean safe. All those words just don't meet the mark, because some ofthe people that are going to tune in they're mature and can handle aconversation or a show that deals with the topic that may be taboo and thensome people are like i'm just not there. Yet i'm just trying to one o one tryingto discover this part of my relationship with god. I don't evenwant to dive into that yet, because i think that they'll jack up with thethings that i'm already thinking here, i've got to get through this. I've gotto get through this christian puberty aspect and figure out this intimacybefore i can even tackle that thing that you're dealing with that you'vealready had twenty years experience with, but we don't even like toacknowledge that in the church be yet it scriptural. I mean paul straightuptak about if you're you know those of you who have already obtained all this keep doing what you've done and ifyou're on something else then stay there. I totally butchered that it's simple itit's three! Let me look at it. I can't handle that. I can't handle that it'sgoing to drive me not all who are spiritually, mature agree on thesethings and if you disagree on some point, i believe god will make it plainto you, but we must hold on to the progress we've already made, and sothis is what i'm saying is that a lot of people we just feel like if you're,a mature, hang with me in this conversation, but some people that aremature have have something that actually makes us feel like. I disagreewith that. Well, you may disagree with it because of immaturity because you'venot seen the faithfulness of god in that level, and so it's just saying ifyou've already found this to be true wherever you're at hey just remainthere and keep on pressing on towards that goal of knowing christ. Jesus,that's really the main goal, and so, if you can find something that makes thatcontent not necessarily clean, safe, all those kind of words, but that hitthe different points of the maturity of a person, that's in their relationshipwith god trying to seek him, it doesn't matter actually have content all theway across the board to where you can join. In an any point of that i mean, iknow when a show isn't for me. I turn it off for sure. So why could you? Whatdoes everything for every christian have to be the same, oh preach, so itdoesn't and we're just in that's immaturity for me when i see that wheni see people arguing over well this doesn't this didn't really hit what i'mgoing through and did you forget about these people here and i'm like? Whydoes every story have to put yourself in it? Why do you have to enter dat'snarcissism, so narcissistic christianity is elevated and we allargue about the things that did you forget me in this story. Did you forgetme here we long to become familiar with the idea of interjecting ourselves intostory telling, instead of just appreciating the story for what it isand seeing, the goodness of god, and so until we can learn that as a church andget out of that in the way that we create art and content, we're just notgoing to be able to function as as somebody that says, we are out of achristian club and we just got to get out of the christian clubs. You knowit's not about you, it's not about your member card, it's not about yourmembers, only jacket, you know who could who could care right? It's aboutmuch greater things in you. I love that so yeah i well. I look forward to thisjoy network or where you end up calling it. I feel like that that, amongst imean you're an impersonator, you can speak. You've got your podcast like youare a jack of all trades like i feel, like you know that men, it's likepeople's resumes, nobody colin and he's like nothing, and it's like candacepains and it's just like crazy things on your resume, like the fact that youhave defeated bob it that's right, i won bob it the other day. I didn't evenknow it was possible. Like you defeated bob it you crochet hats, yeah stupid,like you, my grandma already, it's i'm a grandma at heart. I swear i butcopies and crochet at only if i don't have to run, and then i i like namesomething at, but we tennis got that gotcha gotcha so, but i mean i feellike you could almost do like an eddie murphy style like channel where it's just cant is paid toall these different things like wait. Wasn't that lady in the last show yeahlike yeah? Okay, just get me a great costuming person, that'd be awesome,makeup effects and one of the things that you do, which i think your pathcould have definitely went down, and maybe you do have more of a in. You issinging. You are on the pop charts number twenty seven yeah is that right,yeah i tunes pop charts and you did a...

...song which i just throwing this outthere yeah. You could totally be spain like tea pain and just do a wholewrapping autotune career ling. If you and t pain, like c paint pain,did a collaboration, you know bring double the pain. Oh my g, howstratentimblin, yes, timblin! Have you thought about doing any more? I mean because you've already hit thepodcast and you've done books like have you ever thought about doing an albumso right now with music? The way that i view that is it's a very personaloutlet for me like to actually i still song right, i sang right, probablythree to five songs a month and i used to do a song or two every day, and soi've just got like just random songs that i've never like shared. You know,but it's something cathartic and therapeutic for me to song right andthen, on top of that i collab with different people, so i've written achildren's worship song that i collaborate collaborated with and it'sout there as well. I've been on a couple like shane and chains, worship,initiative, volume, seventeen i did stuff like that with them this pastcouple o years, but really that's kind of more. It'sthese one offs that i've been doing just because i think the commitment itwould take to actually promote music and it be a part of the music scene issomething that i feel like needs to be on a back burner for the other thingsthat i need to create. So i enjoy doing these one offs right now: okay, so youjust kind of being like the black horse and jumping into these collas withpeople and be like wait can as pay can see like she, the voice of an angel-that's very, very sweet for you to say, but you know what i mean like now, i'mforty two and i could honestly honestly assess this. I sound like my motherwhen i sang to myself like in my mind, like i sound like okay, that's a momsinging like i just i not to like put myself down, but i know that, like there are better singers thatcould even emote a song better. I think i'm a good story, teller and that'ssomething i never gave myself credit for. So i'm a good story. Tellerthrough comedy, i'm a good story. Teller through writing. I'm a goodstory: teller through podcasting, i'm a good story, teller through music andsong writing. But i always kind of thought that the songwriting was theavenue to get my talent out. But the reality was. It's just turned thecorner for me to see more clearly that music has just been an avenue for me tostory tell, and so i love, collaborating and songwriting, and ilove being able to just be able to tell stories well through melody and musicand the idea that you can feel an emotion that you can't. Otherwise, whenyou read a book when you hear a song- and i had a music teacher when i was inhigh school, that above the piano it had this sign, that said, the music isthe only gift that we get to have from heaven here on earth and take back withus when we leave and when you think of that music is really something that isinnately put into us like when the scripture says that we have eternityset in the hearts of man. I believe that one of the things that god givesus as a tool to experience the eternity in us is music, because it's somethingthat's already from heaven that we have here and that we take back to heavenwith us and so music is something that it's just absolutely astounding. To mehow it touches people i mean for for patients with alzheimer's and dementia,you could play them a song, but they've known their entire life and they can'tremember the face or the name of their own child, but they can remember lyricsto a song there's something innately in us that connects with the eternity ofgod through music, and so i love storytelling through that medium m. Doyou think that when we get to heaven we're going to have to update like someof the christians from earlier years, be like guys there as some new music?For i don't know if it uploaded a your cloud over there, but we're like we gotto teach you some new jams? Well, there's there's a scripture that saysthat god sings the song of moses and then there's an i three d, seventeenthat says that he rejoices over us with singing and dancing and he will quietus with his love. And so i honestly, i mean i may be a crazy christiantheorist here with this idea, but i think that god already knows our songsand he's been singing him before we even ride them, because he standsoutside of time, so songs that we've yet to acquire like he's alreadyhumming and he's already singing the lyrics too, and i think it's evenpossible that we very much so could have a whole host like that thathebrews twelve saying that there's a great cloud of witnesses. I believethat there's people that are already singing the songs with us that we singon sunday mornings. You know why is it that we latch to one song and we startrepeating it throughout the entire big sea church. I think it's because thiscloud of witnesses that already is eternal, is singing those same kind ofanthems as well. You know so i don't know i mean music is just rad to mewhen i really start thinking about the impact that it has yeah. I alwayswonder like which songs are going to make it into heaven, because i mean iam a bigfan of like christian metalcore...

...and i can imagine like slam dancing inheaven. I also, oh, my god. Well i mean it'd be cool in my world, but i look atyou know like my grandparents and like some of my christian friends who you know are a little more vanilla or alittle more like tame, and i can't imagine them just seeing me and likethis group of people throwing down in heaven and then being like. Oh yeah,that's okay, like that's fine like, and it really think, okay, okay, come backor no, maybe he'll just join in. Do you really think anybody's going to havethat in us? That goes? Is this okay? We're in heaven? No! Absolutely, though,absolutely that it's just going to be, but it's weird for me to think of thatday because, like in the church, you hear one genre of music. It is usual.Ah, it is usually that you know if i spotify type in worshipexactly that is it. You know, you're not hearing like even justin. Beaverhas done some like christian type, songs, d, dm yeah rest in pace did ayou know. Lord give me a sign. You know, which is one of my like high yeahchristian songs. I'm sure is not on any christian worship, playlist, huh and sothinking about like those artists like where is their place going to be inheaven, i don't know, i went on a tengen here, dude, i'm with you now,because, i'm like don't forget, cone and lauren hill yeah come on laurenhill he's just like the water. I mean. I want to hear that when i comethrough. You know yes yeah, so i mean like it's just like these, these randothat we we once again it. This does go full circle. You thought it was random.This goes full circle to a idea of a christian culture and christian clubmentality, because we say uniformity is unity and that's not the thing andwe're not trying to be uniform in the way that we express our relationshipwith god and we need to start looking outside of our uniformity and seeingthese heart songs that are rising from other people that they're just singingtruth. You know what i mean, so it's just like. I think the biggest kill joy for all likeof this idea of creating like a christian culture versus actuallyhearing the breadth and the width of just these people's hearts to god thebiggest kill joy i have is when somebody says, oh, you meant to say, or you should say it this way or youand that's the kind of comments i got growing up my entire life, i mean iwould sit in sunday, school classes and we'd be reading the most basic biblestories like david and goliath, and i'd be like wow, okay, let's think aboutthis. What if and they'd be like and that go off on like a tangent onsomething about the story of dad david and glia, and then i typically get metwith a sunday school teacher or somebody in the classroom. It goes well.We can't read that that really happened. So, let's not explore that idea orlet's it was always met with a shut down, and i feel like we're too afraidof questions were too afraid of being seekers, and i'm just like. Let's golike i'm, not afraid of doubts, i'm not afraid of the questions, and i don'tthink god is for one second either you know. Take the the famous. Are yougoing to talk about the tangent? Let's go here for a second talk about thefamous story of doubting thomas. You know here he is last one on the sceneto realize that jesus is risen from the dead and everybody's telling him hey.Jesus was here and he's like not until i see his hands and not until i put myhand in his side, then i'm not going to believe it and we're like. Oh we'regoing to call this guy doubting thomas, the rest of his life. You know what i'msaying and and here's the coolest thing about thomas. The coolest thing is thatwhen we really read scripture and you go through and you see that his namewas also dinamo, meaning twin, we say that thomas is a doubter and that's whyhe was such a punk thomas actually had the authority to mark thecharacteristics and differences between a fake and a counterfeit, because he'sprobably been doing it as a twin, his old entire life between him and hisbrother, and we never see that. We never see that who here's this guysaying here's my doubts, no he's saying hold up. I know that people mistake mefor my brother all the time so unless i see jesus hisnails where they were and actually put my hand in his side, then i'll knowit's him, and here he is. We've got an authoritative figure saying i want tosee the counterfeit verses of the authentic one and we call him a doubter,and god created him that way as dinamic the twin that at the end of the day,would go. My lord, my god, and actually, when you look at the greek, it meanslord of me, god of me that whole story about thomas is about his identity,actually being somebody that was strong and strengthend to know the differencebetween one fake and one real, and we...

...like to just label him really fast andquick and go go jesus told you stop doubting and believe. So you must be astupid. Doubter and jesus is telling him: hey: hey, hey, hey, hey, you've!Only seen your identity versus your brother's identity, your holy lifeyou've only seen the fact that i'm here or i'm dead, or that i may be a ployfrom the romans right now to start a riot. But look at me, you didn't evenask and i'm telling you here's the proof you need. You know. God willalways meet us at the point of our doubts and are discontent, and he willalways give us the tools that we need to be able to just e o the truth, and ithink the church is just a little bit behind on that being. Okay, with saying:let's go, let me have my questions. Let me have the things that are going toactually spur me on to know the truth and the authentic god that we serve yeah man. That was awesome. Well, i didi that was like a rat. I could have done yeah i was like yekada needs tohave her own podcast and i was like wait. She does i like which we could go into. That isactually how i know you can sing like. I know that we got this whole music,tangent of singing and that's how i knew like i'm listening to your podcastthat i'm like ring it. I'm like. Oh here's, these little jingles. Thatsounds a lot. I can't wait that is candice singing his little jingles inthe twins and i'm like. Oh that's, that's like angelic. I listened to itand thought to myself, and i told you this. It was just like one of my otherpodcast that i love the w radio show lu mon jello and because it was like section to be like these fun like likeevery couple minutes, it was like. Oh i'm in this new world, i'm in this newplace and and being the disney guy that i am i was like canas payne is like thereal life mary poppins. She turns she turns everything into a game like youhave that ability you're like okay, let's see, i've got three marbles and arubber band, and then you have this like the new sport that you've createdand like oh, like the whole time, which i hope you appreciate that we're notbuzzing you on every christian in work. I don't this this three hour interviewwould turn it to lie. Like a week log interview if i was buzzing you yeah, but how has that experience been with the podcast? What got you starteddoing it? It's been great listening to it, it sounds like you guys are havingan amazing time doing it, but what has that been like for you? Oh well, youknow i had nothing in my agenda to start a podcast. It wasn't like. Oh i'mspeaking and writing some next natural progression. Let's do a podcast, sothis is after your books, yeah. This is after books. The podcast itself isabout only two years old and we've already had three seasons: yeah. Itwill be two years old in september, so we haven't even made it to two years,but jenny randall is my co host and she actually reached out to me which thisis a common thing. If you're an author, you reach out to somebody and say hey,would you look at my book and possibly endorse it, or at least you know justlet me know some thoughts that you have. If this is a good thing now sometimesgot she reached out to you. She reach out to me about a book because she waswriting. Oh, i thought she got a i endorse here, but no, no! No! She waswriting a book and wanted to get my opinion on it and i filter through several of thoseconsistently a week, and so hers actually look different. It lookedcreative and colorful and fun, and i was like this lady's fun. This is whati can identify with like fast, like pink sha's fins, your people, yeahshe's, my people, and so i was like. Not only do i want to endorse it, likei'll write, a little blur for it. Let's go. I said this is great, so i didn'tknow her from adam right who the heaven is this like right right, and so shejust reached out after that. Probably three months later and she goes, i justnoticed- you don't have a podcast. What do you think about this idea of justdoing one together? What what do you think, and so i was like well, let'sjust kind of talk about it. Little did. I know that she's an my award winning the editor, you know- and it's so i'msitting here. Just like. Oh you, you you're the real deal. Let's go and wejust started dreaming up some ideas and we said well, what's a felt need in thepodcast world, because we just don't want to create one to create one, andso we named it shut the shod up. It's this idea of finding freedom from thethings that we tell ourselves. We should and shouldn't do because if ihave one nemesis to joy one, if i had to pick one there's lots, but if i hada big one that is the nagger on every single person i know it's should havecould have would have- and i mean, like everybody- lives there for far too long,and so we were like we could do an incredible podcast on this idea oftackling that idea. That says i should do this and say no, let's get free fromthat idea should to us is a fore letter word, and so we kind of make. It seemlike that in our title shut the shot up, you know and you got to say it slow orelse people really write us nasty thhings. The first time i heard i waslike yeah. I thought this was a...

...christian author right you're likewhat's going on what's going on and i guess you couldhave named it shut the wood up, because that just sounds like you're liketrying to hate on the trees right or something vulgar. I mean it's ahorrible just don't eat it, so i mean no, no you're, never safe, you're,never safe. So i mean don't matter what you try. So we get hate mail either wayso we're like, let's just go with it, shut the should so we started doingthis podcast and dreaming of what we wanted to do and we're going to be inour fourth season. Coming up this fall and we're still honestly at the pointwhere we're reving up to what we really originally dreamed. So we kind of hadto lay some. We talk about this all the time, some railway track for this firstthree seasons. We had to garnish people that would want to listen andunderstand, get to know our chemistry and our friendship feel as though we'reinforming and entertaining at the same time that were inspiring at the sametime, and then we also wanted to bring in some incredible authors and othercelebrity guests, which we did all last season and did it live. You know recordit live so we feel like we are now at the point where we're producing a funengaging inspiring show, but we were just wheels off season forit's about to come, so we're excited for it and it's been a blast and what'syour like biggest mission, what are you really trying to college? I feel likeafter three seasons. You probably now know like okay. This is what we'retrying to do. Yeah we well, i can tell you what we want to accomplish by whatwe don't want to accomplish. We don't want people to just feel as thoughthey're hearing information, the second or third time that this is a thought,they've already thought and i'm just expanding on it. We want people to feelas though, when they listen into an episode that they're challenged andinspired to change something in their life. That way they can find freedomand really that's where it boils down to you know there are so many things on adaily basis that we say that we should be doing, and it's it's even subliminalin our own lives, so like, for example, as a mom. Let's just start it basethere. I should be a better mom just that statement alone. Where do you gofrom that when you feel the weight of thinking, i should be a better mom.There are some practical things you can do to actually be a better mom rightand then there's some things that you will never ever ever ever ever ever beable to do that you're trying to live up to and that's okay. For you to say,i need to release that and actually walk into the freedom of saying i'mgoing to do what i can and what i know how to do right now, and we forget thatgod gives us grace for every single moment, and he gave us a kids that wehave. I don't care if they're bonus, kids from a marriage that was fromsomething else than in your life and now that you're you're, like wow, i'm abonus mom here, that's awesome or whether they're a rainbow child thatyou're like i've, prayed and lost other children in this one man. I got to justget it right, because this is my. This is my fifth chance and i'm finallygetting to do it, and i want to be perfect at it. There's so manyexpectations that we put upon ourselves or whether you're like me, you're likei didn't even know that i had complications with having kids tillafter i'd. Had him and now i have them here, and i have two living miraclesand i just don't want to jack them up. I always said before i even had kids. Ijust don't want them on a couch in a psychiatrist office. Talking about mewhen they're thirty, you know i just don't want to be the reason for most oftheir therapy. If i could just kind of do that i'll be successful, but i thinkwe have so many things that are in our heads. That's just one should, and iimagine the millions that going spoken that govern how you live, your life,how you respond to other people in relationships, how you plan your career?Most people won't step out and dream anything because they think i shouldn'teven think that i can do that shut that shut up. You know what i meanlike that's where i'm like shut it down, put it away. Why not tell me why yeahyeah yeah i've been saying the phrase ever since listening to like shut theshit up shut like sometimes i will just scream it to myself. Am i carlito showit up and i'm sure people in traffic are like that guy's crazy. I'm like i am, but i just shut thatshot up what you say to me: yeah yeah, trying to mount it through the windowgets lost in translation, a quick one of the things i love most aboutwhat you're doing with that podcast is how much interaction you have with yourlisteners, and you know, you're, building this community, yep and andyou're like taking their actual feedback. Putting in in the show has there been one that you can thinkof. I'm sure this is very hard to like choose just one but a listener thatmaybe like sent in a video or centena email or anything that really hasaffected your life. That has impacted you. You know because i'm sure that somefans, it's like you, read their stuff...

...or re- see their son, that's nice gap,but then sometimes like people that i mean you're not expecting it to comeand and hit you and you're like oh wow, and i mean you you'll be siting, theremay be in tears, yeah or or it's just like. This person hasno idea. You know what they just did to my life or for of my life. Has therebeen that? Yet? If there is, we would love to hear it like elaborate. I doknow that i don't ever want to get to the place in my life, where i'm toofamiliar with those kind of conversations that you hear. Oh thischanged my life and it becomes a familiarity phrase because we do get alot of people that ride in and say i really wow that impacted me. This isgood. That, for us feels really warm and welcoming, but i got to be honestwith you. The thing that kind of leads me to think this is life changing thisis awesome, is in season to we had one sponsor for our entire season and theywere a sponsor. That was a non profit that has an orphanage in africa and soevery episode we just do a blurb we'd either do a you know a front ad or apost ad or a mid roll, and then you know we talk about them in our contentthat we post on socials, we saw that children were being adopted and sponsored at thirty dollars a monthand one lady wrote to us and just said i finally have a kid. I haven't beenable to have kids, and this is the one that i'm going to sponsor, and god justgave me this child through this organization. Those are the kind ofthings that go. This transcends you giving me a compliment about how iinspired you. This transcends about. My content, gave you pause to think andchange your life, not that that's not valuable, but when you can say that itrolls onward to affecting a child. That's in africa for the rest of thetrajectory of their life, getting them out of poverty and giving themeducation and medical needs met. That kind of stuff makes you pause a go. I'mdoing something worthwhile that right there makes me go m. That'll do therest of my life. You know because here's a deal most information that weconsume. It can be valuable for us for a good little season and it can help usthrough a rough time, but you can also forget that we're soquick to forget, but if you can say i'm actually doing something with justiceand with something that'll change somebody else's life. Besides mine,think of that role. That happened- i mean it rolled on to a listener. Thenit rolled on to action to a child and then that's going to roll on to what wedon't even know, yet that right there is a kind of stuff that makes me go,that's worth it. Let's keep going, you know, but if it was just to make memore popular, get more followers or make my blue tick appear on any of mysocials or you know, have some better reviews on amazon. That's not worth it!You know what i mean at the end of the day, i've got twenty years left beforei retirement age, i'm not going to care about jack squat with that. None of itand to be quite honest, i don't probably care about it enough, as ishould right now with people that manage me, you know they're, like heywe're on your selsame nia, i'm like hey. No, i have kids to raise and i got toget my dogs to stop barking, but i just i see that if it's valuableand its long term and it shifts and changes lives and it can break chainsof generational crap for somebody else in poverty, let's go. Let's do that.You know you are literally talking straight into like our mission. Well,er, young mary christian. I mean it's the one reason i left what i thoughtwas my dream: job were working for disney and you know literally. I waslike what job better than to just talk to people about disney all day and helpfamilies grow closer together and then james we eat at this. It's like alouisiana style. Wal offs play is like louisiana. Pub, almost kind of like islike a louisiana like be dubs the wings so we're sitting there, and i mean i'vechatted with james a couple times and like hung out with him a couple timesbefore that, and i mean we're like sitting down and a mately hand on leg,looks me in the eyes and at intimate i mean it's a visual god. Ashley is rightnext to me, so i'm like he knows, you know and he's married ye. So you knowhe looks see an i and he's like. I want you to be a podcast, so i said i wasjust like it where's the hint camera it yeah like this is not for me and atfirst i was like yeah. I don't really care about leaving disney for anythingright now, but they want told me the mission and just like you saidsomething that it matters more than your life, it. Itis bigger than what you are and when he was like, you know, hey or want to dothis podcast to be able to help, get every foster kid into a gospel centerhome dude and which we've partnered with lifeline children's services and that's thewhole reason we do this whole text. You know the number eight three threethree,seven o sixteen ten to...

...to be able to get people on that track,like that's kind of our hope that that's why we, you know, bring peopleon to the show to be able to let people know like there's four hundred thousandkids in the foster care system, which is the exact same number of churches inamerica, yeah, so yeah kids on the foster care system same as churches inamerica, so literally one family per church could adopt adam, couldadopt eavier could ada adopt amanda yeah death, our foster you yeah is allokalik whatever that child is yeah bringing them in. Could i mean, like you, said, changethat kid's life forever, like the thirty dars a month, you say i inafrica to be able to make sure that kid is not only going to have a better boy,but maybe even just survive right at a kid will have life and when he told melike that's our mission, i was like: let's do it yeah and like for thosepeople that are sitting there listening in their car at home or on the lambo orwhatever they're doing you know. If you stop this podcast right now and youopen up or you can keep listening whatever if you want to pause or youjust text open up your text message and you type in that number again, eightthree, three: three seven! Oh sixteen ten, you just type the word freedom.It's going to give them three options: they can pray partner, participate. Cannas is pulling up per phone rightnow. She's like i'm going chris, is not in the room, he's like what we have afoster child. Now, what? But you know the prayer if they type andpray it's going to give them a prayer challenge just to be able to like youknow, maybe for them they just need to they're in a season where they need topray about. This. Is this something that god's calling me to if they type apartner, that's going to get them connected with doing rap run carriages like supportingother families that already have foster kids and then participate with actuallyget them connected with life line, to be able to help them actually see whatit looks like to bring in a child into their family. So that, for me, was thething that was like okay, i can leave disney for for the destiny that god hasfor me absolutely and- and i feel like meeting you and hearing your story oflike going from god and don't take offense,but it's like god, i'm a nobody like i'm just you're a mom, i'm this disneyworker we're doing our thing and all of a sudden. God takes you and flips you like somany people in the bible. So many of the characters that we see go fromnobody to being used in incredible ways, yeah, and so that's that's what we'rehoping i don't know if fostering is anything you've ever thought about withchris or anything you guys have talked about well, let me address somethingreally quick. Yes, go for the first thing that you said the nobody and idon't want to offend. Listen. We use that phrase all the time. Nobody tosomebody, but the reality is is it was anonymous to known, and so the thing is.Is that there's really not a nobody? You know what i mean it's hidden andit's spotlighted. That's really the difference. It's the only differenceand we're so used to saying. Oh, i was a nobody. The reality is i've alwaysbeen somebody. I've always been somebody. There was just never amagnifying glass over my life for anybody to understand it until recentlyand and and i would say the same thing of anybody- that's listening! Anybodythat we're talking about even that's in the foster care system- they're, notnobody. They are somebody but they're, often too anonymous or two unknown, ori just didn't have that highlighted. So i wouldn't have known their name anddidn't even know about it. We think about why all these organizations existto show us the life of an orphan or somebody that needs foster to adoptit's because their name simply isn't known and the need isn't known, and soi think that it's incredible and noble what you're doing for foster andadopted is so funny that you talk about that with chris, and i because our bestfriends own an organization that their one goal is to pair the church, withthe state that they're in to be able to train and equip them to foster to adopt.So there are best friends we financially support them, even justmonthly, because we believe in what they're doing so much and so absolutelyfoster to adopt foster care is so important to our family. We see theidea that the church can step in and often is, is such an incredibleresource for those families that are in turmoil, even if they don't needadoption and they just need fostering. They just need placement, they needpeople that are willing to open their home and say whatever season. Thislooks like just come on we're going to be a safe place for you and we're goingto be a place where you can find the love of god and find the love of affamily and feel that for a while or...

...maybe the rest of your life, you knowso whatever those conditions are the church for us, it's not an option right.It's something that we're commanded to do true religion. Is this james wanetwo thenand, twenty one, you know those who look after those who cannot lookafter themselves, the orphan, the widow, and so we just too often forget thatthat's part of what we sign up for when we sign up to beat christians, it'spart of it, and so we don't have an excuse for why we're not doing it. So for us we do not have the space orthe time or the band with to have another child in our house, let alone adog or a bird or anything right. You know i'm happy. Our kids are alive todaythat we're successful at that, but we do doing great, but we do have resourceto be able to support those things we do have. Even if we didn't haveresource the ability to pray and to most families can even get involvedwith respite care, get the training in your local state and be able to knowwhat it's like to offer a family. That's doing the hard work of fosteringa date night like, if you just say, hey, i'm respite care, i'm a safe personthat the states approved of for me to babysit these foster kids, so that youcan be a healthy couple for them. Then you could even do that, and so i meanthere's so many things you can do with foster care that the church deist awarethat how they can step in and so our friends at work own this organization.They do that and they train churches and equip them, and so we love them somuch so we were very, very connected and very close to that as well. That'sawesome, yeah, yeah, that's kind of that partner step is like trying tofigure out. Okay yeah, you know, i'm maybe not ready for this, or maybethat's not what god is calling me to, but i do want to help in a bigger wayin a physical way, so they jump in you call it respite. Yeah respites,actually like the terminology that most states when they have their owntraining that they do and they require you to go through. So we know thatwe've been involved with churches that have partnered with the state to offerthat training at their church location so that, on a saturday at your localchurch, sign up for the training go, do it get qualified through your state?And now you can have five or six families that are respite care, trainedand certified, and do a mom's parents night out date night out for onlyfoster families on a friday night and you've got trained workers that areapproved by the state. Your church could be doing something to offersomething to your community, where you would never be able to bring infamilies that are doing foster care stuff. I mean like there's just so manyideas of what you could be doing to actually meet those needs. Oh a hundredper cent, and they don't require you having to have a child. Come live inyour home and take on the responsibility of becoming a parent tothat child because i listen, i think that's everybody's first concern andfear is that i'm going to now become a parent and i'm going to have a childand that changes the trajectory of my home and it disrupts and disturbssometimes even what i already have the birth order of my own kids, you know,and so there's those trepidations that may actually be a disruption in adisturbance that you're like. Let's go, i'm looking for it. My kid needs asibling. You know my kid needs some humbling with a step brother or stepsister or a foster brother fosters, you know an come on like they need that. Ijust put in step brother and step sister, because i was thinking of likeblended family, sometimes, if you're thinking about it go for it call the girls she may be, who you need?Let's go, but just saying that sometimes it maynot be that disruption in your home. It may just be a simple act of support ofjust saying, however, i can step in for the needs of those that cannot look outfor themselves. I need to be a part of that yeah yeah yeah, now and and beable to just change that kids like yeah and, like you said not just that kid'slife, but like maybe that kids kids and then that kids, kids, kids and i meanit's just generational- the amount of influence you are going to have and beable to create, and so that's our mission, one of our souls that we tryto have with young mary christians to be able to pull our listeners and to beable to like see those people that they have been. You know following andlistening to it was us why we bring you on here andtry to get them to be able to have an experience where they feel. Like youknow, like oh man, i am getting to hang out with cannas pain or whoever it isfor hours and like after they hit the end of this episode. They should feellike we are best friends with canis. But oh you know, and i'm sure that you know it's likethat, because everybody kind of had they want that meeting that celebritymoment in life or meaning that person that you know like. Oh man, i wouldjust love to meet this person, but then it's like. Let's take an example that iread in your book of where you did know it wasn't just you and one person itwas you and a whole place filled with...

...it. I'm talking about when you areinvited to the c ma awards yeah, and i mean when i sat across from youbecause for me, i'm you didn't say nobody said anonymous anonymous yeah.So as this anonymous guy hanging out with people who are very well known nowon the third episode for me, it's like. Oh, this is cool like getting how ye othese people, this is cool but having a room filled with people like. I wouldbe just like what is happening. Did it feel crazy at that point, because thatwas pretty it was that pretty early on that was in way early on yeah, okay,yeah, so so you're still just like normal candice pained like a live inyour normal life and then all of a sudden here you are at the war, show. How was that? Oh, it was. It was a nightmare in somerespects i mean, like i loved it, but at the same time i was like i've got itwe're doing a red carpet like that. The loan i was told, prepare for bed carpet.It's formal and you're going to be on one little segment where we're going topay into you in the audience during one of our little bits before we introducesomebody. So i was like: okay, that's cool, so i'm just thinking logisticallywhat i got to prepare for. I got to prepare for a dress which, how many ofthose do i own right. So i went to lane bryant because hey they're, f, scaleplus size, lady, let's go and still low enough that i could afford it becausei'm like you, know, i'm not getting money from tubac stuff at all. At thispoint, you're still not making. No, i'm not an mauther, i'm not a speaker! I'mjust going places that people invite me and i'm like thanks for the planeticket, but now that i'm here there's forty dollar valet. Where is that?Coming from you know, i mean my crazy stuff. I was like everybody's, likeshe's, making boko off this and i'm like i'm spending more money than idon't have to be able to pretend like i've. A longhere stop anyway, so like those first few months were just chaos, and iremember thinking: okay, i'm going to buy a dress, so i bought a dress that ifelt comfortable in, but then the lady that's so cute buyingcounters. Like you need some spanks with that, and i'm like we excuse mewhat spanks you know, i'm thinking, i'm not into that. You know, and she goesno. I mean like it's garments underneath that hold everythingtogether and they smooth it out and i'm like i've looked in the mirror. I don'tknow how we're smooth and now i don't i don't. I don't use the phrase smooth itout when i look in the mirror and think how are we going to smooth what out andso i get spanks and i'm you know, i'm thinking, i'm prepared. You know i getto the hotel room. I've got. Maybe you know two hours they're going to do mymakeup for me, so i feel confident about that. I'm like okay, because i'vedone make up maybe five times my entire life before then, literally, i'm notexaggerating like on one hand. I could count how many times i tried make upand wedding day was one of them. Prom was another one. Three more wasprobably just by accident, and so i get in the hotel room and i'm like. Okay,i've got to be down there for this makeup. Lay. Do you do my makeup? Okay,let's get the shower. I want to be smelling great. You know, and i get tothe point where i've got to try on these spanks before i get my dress on,and i didn't realize, there's like a cardinal rule that you have to followas you have to be fully dry like not damp, not have any moisture on you whenyou are putting on spinks and i mean like y'll, they just stick whereverthat moisture is, and i'm just fully fully still damp from my shower tryingto put these pinks on and they're just getting tighter and tighter as i'mpulling them, and then not only that i'm trying to pull him up to the point,and now i'm sweaty, because i'm nervous that they're not coming on now, i'msweating in places i've never really sweat before and i'm sitting herethinking. This is a working ye. I call my sister into the room and i'm like.Oh us, she's like you idiot, you need to put baby powder on it before you putit on. If you're not fully dry and i'm like, i don't have baby, who has babypowder in their suitcase and then, if i did that with the amount of moisturethat's still happening here, just naturally i'm going to develop cottagecheese in places that shouldn't exist. This is not going to work o. Oh yes, i,this his whole fiasco, finally got everything pushed in smoothed outwhatever that means. You know all lady like and then put the dress on and i'mlike. Let's go, i'm ready and the whole night. I was just sitting there likefrustrated about the dress and thinking about the dress and then, when i wentinto the sea of celebrities and rando people, it just kind of made my mindforget about spanks and all the other things, and i just literally had ablast that entire evening she gets maal people. Oh man, yeah yeah.I even got to go the after party that they don't tell you about. Oh what whatis this after party? What's this long is off location at an undisclosed placeand i had a ticket. So this is a...

...a thing that you can't talk about. Whati mean you can talk about, there's just celebrities there, just hanging out andbeing like hey. We didn't get to see each other and talk because we wereworking at the cas, but now we can talk and have some drinks and orders. Sofrom that night did you feel like that was something that kind of launcheddifferent interactions like you were able to like talk to. Is that, likemaybe when you talk to james cordon or when you were able to connect withpeople that you're later to be like on their shows or so that was before jamescordon was before like okay, james cordon was like two or three days afterthe video went viral and you are already making millions? No! No! No! Iremember i was just an idiot to travel. I mean, like i'm a stay at home, momthat didn't really do anything other than just you know, go back and forthfrom the school to home, and you know maybe my favorite walmart or target run.But i mean, like i just didn't know what it was like to fly, and so i hadleft good morning, america and new york and had done an interview withentertainment tonight in the van on the way to the airport, which that wasweird. They put you in a van and they're, like i to my sister and puther in a van following us, and i'm like i've been taking somebody callie andnice, and you know i was like. I don't feel safe right now, and so imean like i had like this whirlwind of interviews that morning in new york andthen i'm thinking to myself. Okay i'll have some time to sleep, because thatwas gma. That was early right good morning, americas early. So i'm goingto sleep this whole flight from new york to la and then i'll get somethingto eat. Well, they offer a meal on the plane and i'm like go. Thank yousleeping and then now i've realized i've gone like twelve hours withouteating, because i didn't realize that the flight from new york to la wasacross the entire united states. Somehow my mind, it just didn't makesense. So i thought i was just gonna be like an hour or so idiot right. So nowi'm like starving and i land and we get on the cbs studio lot for james cordonand people are putting on makeup. On my face and feeding me a sandwich andputting a straw in my mouth and having me eat something because i was like imight pass out. I don't know what we're doing next un i'm might pass out, i'mreally hungry, and so literally that clip of me doing the carpal karaoke.They gave me a script and they were just like. Could you do this and it wasstuff i'd already said in my video that went viral so, like yeah, it's how italk so we're cool. I think i can recreate that, and so i get into i geton the lot and they have like a van that looks like mine from home and andthen i meet james cord and i'm like what is going on and then we're doingin the carpool karaoke little bit before the show and then j j abramshows up in the back seat. I mean it was just like i shust j j abrams aslike the first thing i did because i couldn't i couldn't like process whatwas happening like he was like trying to tell me hey. I watched your vi and igo shine. Second, like i literally just just him and told him. I need a secondand almost passed out could have been because of the lack of food, but ithink it's just because it was jj. So i'd had those encounters. So i'd hadlike robin roberts on james cordon and j j abrams and all that and then ifound out, i was going to meet peter may hug. While i was there at the jamescordon show, and so i knew that these doors were opening to be invited totables that i normally wasn't invited at and so celebrity became. This ideaof i could either meet these people and really just be a fan and and justlike, oh and awe and go you know goggly eyes over everything they've ever done,or i could just be myself because they've invited me and i could just becomfortable and confident my own skin and maybe share something with them.That'll make them happy and so really that just kind of became, like my whole personal motivation when i met whoeveris to not treat them any different than i would treat somebody that was waitingon me at a restaurant or checking my groceries or you know, and i think people just enjoy being treatedlike people. So that's it's kind of the the mindset that i adapted and and thenby the time the cas came, it was just so much fun getting to meet people andand take pictures and get in to see who they were laurin, elena, the country artist. Shecomes in line behind me and she was like. I want to meet you, and i waslike well hey awesome. You know, and sadie robertson or robertson hoffnee we were. We were sitting like two seatsapart from each other and we shared popcorn and emms and met that night andjust became friends. You know dug the pug was now right. Next to me. That waswhat i was most excited about. It made my sister so mad because i just kept onholding him and she was like you're getting pet for all over your nicedress and i'm like i don't care it's a pug. It needs some loving. You know imean like i would just it was fun and enjoyable just to be around people andmeet new people, and i mean we photo bombed, vince evan a couple times. Itwas a blast and like for el spoke some incredible words to me just in passing,and so there was just stuff that was just happening at a fast rapid pace andif you get caught up in thinking that...

...there more than what they really areyou'll miss the moment. You know and that's kind of for everybody. You know,and i say that in a big way, meaning that if you get caught up that yourboss is more than what they really are you'll miss the moments that you canwith them too, because your boss is just somebody, that's authoritated.That gives you the instructions for what you need to do to make somethingwork as a team right. But you got to remember that. That's not all that theyare. You know. They've got a family to more than often and and they're aperson that has struggled just like you and and it's just a how you treatpeople you know. So that's awesome yeah, i feel, likeyou know, i keep thinking back to the scripture, the parable of like the mangiving the gold coins if you're familiar a maluk, where i feel like with you. First of all, ithink that, as someone who is in the christian world, you were given anopportunity that a lot of people in that world don't get, which is that youblew up into fame from something that wasn't like a christian thing. I'm sograteful for that too. Yeah me to yeah me too, because i think that that hashelped you like get into areas and spaces that maybe you know othersaren't necessarily into, but i think about like that. Parable is because isee a lot of people, whether it be they have a viral video. They go on areality. Tv show they do something that gives them the opportunity. It's, likegod is saying: here's your coins and then a lot of them. They have thatfifteen seconds of fame and then it just kind of fizzles out yeah. Theymight get a few extra followers on their social media account, but for youto see how you have taken what god has given you- and i mean you have likewhen we were driving from dinner the other night, my fianceashley was saying to me just like canice pain is a hustler.That carol is a worker that girl gets it done, and i was like it's so truelike like you were given these coins and god is going to come back and belike. Oh okay, like you own all of bit coin out, that is pretty amazing likego like, i feel like what how you are living your life. If people seeanything like number one, they should see like this. Girl is all about joy,but never to this is what anyone can do if they are given theopportunity a chance if they they take it and actually do something with it.If they don't just take that opportunity and bury it and then saylike you know, we got comes back like oh look, you know i still have thisfifteen seconds of fame that you gave me yeah. I think that for me it's this opportunity with thepodcast m, but for others it might not look as big as what the ouropportunities were, but for everybody i feel like they have something in theirlife that god gives them that they could say. Okay, god, you've. Given methis either opportunity this talent, skill, whatever it is, and they caneither use it or they can bury it away. Yeah, which makes me wonder sometimes withhow you i mean you're, like i said, your jack of all trades- was that evera thought in your head of, like maybe any of to just focus on one. Oh, likeyeah, i mean i was told by you know i kind of shared this with you at dinner,the other night, but i was told most of my life that i was a jack of a lot oftrades and i needed to pick one because i wasn't mastering just one, and so, ifi had to pick it would have been music and leading worship and singing,because i felt like that was probably the most talent that i had. So if itwas most talent in the thing that i enjoyed most and let's go, but i neverreally found that i was doing that in a way that that was kind of beneficial to me, the creative stuff.Inside of me. It never felt like it was serving me well to abandon the otherthings that i was so passionate about as well. But i think he's here's something thati heard in your language too. That i kind of want to point out as a misnomer.We assume that the opportunity was taken advantage of or the coins weregiven to me the day that video went viral. The coins were given to me theday that i was born, and so a lot of people are waiting forthe day that they get their hand out from god and he's like check your bank pull up the app and look at the valuethat's already established inside, and the thing is, is that most people don'tknow that i've been spending and giving and using what god had given me allthose days, not just when she back a mom happened and so everybody's like.Let me find the hustle and let me find what you did in that moment to mmakeall this other stuff happen and i'm...

...like, if you think this just happenedin five years, you're sorely mistaken. This is not just five years of my life.This has been living and following and letting the lord lead- and we forgetthat, when we're implanted and given gifts from the lord here's a deal, wehave the ability to spend and use or save and hide. However, we please,however, we please that's that's something. That's so mysterious about.God is our free? Will it's so mysterious? I don't get it it actuallyjacks up the church and theology more than anything else. The fact that we dohave that free will thing, but what i do know is this: that freewill, when it meets spirit lead, is where life really happens and we seeactual stuff come from our lives that other people admire and want, and forme, i've had lots of people. Ask me well what d you do. I mean you've gotbooks, an you got this on your spoken and your whole life change and why? Whyare you for it's a it's, a video, that's four minutes and i laugh ninetypercent. It makes no sense that i should be having an intellectualconversation with anybody on a podcast for more than five minutes. Do you knowwhat i mean like it? Just it literally doesn't make sense until you look atthe choices that i've made my entire life to follow the lord, like thesemoments that have been peaks and valleys where i've said i'm still goingto stick it and i'm still going to walk with him. I'm still going to trust him.I'm still going to believe better about him than what i feel than what myexperience dictates. You know i could be a homeless kid at nine years old, ina van literally by a river with my family. I did that in chris farleyreference right there i was homeless as a child, and yet i was able to see thegoodness of god and discover joy for the first time at nine years old- andthis is this- is because there's an intentional following and trusting andtraining my mind to believe better than what i am seeing here and if youcontinue to do that when opportunity comes and it opens, you can have anestablished relationship with god to go. Do i walk or do i wait? Do i do i stay,or do i go because, wherever you're leading, i want to be a part of that dn? I don't want to be a part of anything else. So what a lot of peopledon't understand too, is that opportunity when cubatao happened justwasn't for books and speaking and teaching whatever there was multipleopportunities and it could have gone any single which way, but i know thatthere was a continual leaning on the lessons i'd already learned from thelord, which was leaning into him and where he was moving and going where hewas going and following every step, you know waiting when he said wait. That'slike, like a lot of christians reached out to me that are my friends and whenthey found out, i was going to be on good morning. America. They were likethis is your chance to share the gospel man just so proud of you, because theyknew that i love god and love jesus, so they're like this. Is why and theywanted to tell me my why and i'm like you, don't get that you don't get thatvoice. To tell me the: why of what happened only he does and when i prayedabout what do i need to do when i'm on national tv for video trying on a storewars mask laughing it up? I felt like the only thing that he gave me. Was youlove? Whoever is your host and you be yourself and don't worry about salt andpeppering, my name because i already know you love me like don't worry aboutcasually throwing me and that actually will degrade my name. It won't elevate,my name. This is about me elevating what god's doing in you like he's usingyou to go, and so it was just so easy to walk some place and go. I have nopressure of fifteen seconds on a spot here, to do a story about a viral videoto share the gospel and see thousands come like a billy gram crusade. That'sdumb! It's dumb! God was using what he wanted to use, which was the foolishthings of this world to confound the wise he was wanting to use a stupid,laugh to make people go huh. Let me learn more and now five years removed,i do have podcast content. I do have book content, i do have teachingavailable. I do have the ability to stand on stages and say: let's, let'stalk deeper about this, because i didn't devoid the voice that i'd beenlistening to for years, growing up and trying to follow now, asn't perfect at it, but i wouldso probably about eighty five. Ninety percent of my life, i've been obedient.You know the rest when i have it has really sucked i've been real, bigfailures. You know what i mean like at ten. Fifteen percent was all i need toknow. I was like well, it doesn't work without them, so i mean you know. Ijust feel like we forget that faithfulness is actually the hustlefaithfulness and obedience is the hustle. The fear of the lord is thebeginning of wisdom. It's like the fear of of god. If this doesn't end, thefear of the lord isn't don't think that god's, a jerk squash in the plans foryour life, don't think that god's on...

...his throne going. I don't want her tobe happy at all. I want her to be holy, which, by the way, when did we startseparating happy and holiness, is absolutely the dumbest theology we'veever bought into. If we feel like happy as separated from holy, we are sorelymistaken on the character of god, like i do not see that our god says it's oneor the other. It's absolutely fulfillment of the other when you'll beholy you're going to find happy like it's just part of the deal, but for mei felt like you know, grin it and bear it be happy, ah be holy. Do it befaithful? I'm like this is okay, wait, a minute i feel like the lord istelling me be faithful man, things be small, big, whatever they are and i'llfind the completeness of joy i'll, find the goodness of him i'll find thatgoodness and mercy that follows me all the days of my life to wear. When iscrew up he's like what bob right here with goodness and mercy, i got it.Don't worry about that. You know- and i feel like most of us- we've justseparated so many things in our lives from what the will of god really is,and it's not just for us what the will of god is for us like just what hiswill is that we want to say. Ah, i've got two choices in front of me. I gottwo choices and that's it. The road diverged and i trose the one lesstravel. It was more noble, i'm like my guys. Sometimes the road is wider andsometimes you jump on it for a little bit and then sometimes you do take thedetour through the woods in the narrow path. I'm going to get people talkingto me now about the narrow and the narrow gate. The scripture calm down,there's not a bible story to correlate everything in every illustration. Thislife is fluid and- and we were taught that when jesus said greater thingswill come. We then i send you the helper. We have to be dependent on thespirit which is described as water, with guess what visible and absolutely fearsomesometimes and furious, and we have to follow the fearsome and the furious inthe fluidness of god, and we just don't know how to do that and i've never saidthat out loud. So that has to be a holy spirit statement, because i never comeup with three f ever and then and it's too smart. It doesn't sound like me socap. That is something that the holy spirit wanted. All of us to know i meanlike that's absolutely true- is that we have to be willing to follow in thoseplaces before we'll understand when opportunity comes to lead us tosomething greater yeah. I want to dive in deep into thewhole like tubacca mom beginning, but that i don't want to just hear yourside of the story. I also want to hear your husband chris's side of the story.Let us go so. We have him here in a studio, we're going to bring him in andthen we're going to take you guys through that and some other adventuresto i'm excited so chris we've been going through, all things can as pain,but now we want to bring in mr pay in the house of pain here together and one of the things that i found curiousabout you, especially since we're talking to young mary christians, isthat you guys met and if i'm not mistaken, married in the same year, youmet got married within a year. Well, we got engaged and married. In the sameyear, we actually met the summer before okay back to school bas at our church. Okay,i was a volunteer at the youth group and shewas coming in as the intern for the youth group for the fall, and so wewere putting on this big back to school bash for the whole city and that'swhere we first met- and she was very skeptical of me at that point- why? Why?Because i don't look like i look or belong in a southern baptist church andwhich is where we met. I have long hair and long beard, and at that point ithink i had red streaks and look like courtney cocks from screen. It was bad,it was bad street and this was before crowder i mean you look just likecrowder, i feel like yeah. I have been i've gotten that one er jase from deckdis, yeah yeah. But at that point i had the long beard, but it was braided inthree spikes down one in the middle and two on the sides is just like mud vane.It was just weird, don't know where it came from. It was just just different. I mean you were adrummer, it make sense yeah so and that night we were playing atthe back the school ta. So all of the guys in the band decided it would becool to wear camo. You forgot that part. So we i just thought i would great you.We admitted that you thought it'd be cool, a listen. We were early s if then,and just dumb. So we all chose a different color of cane and colored.Camo e watch s orange you did choose. I chose orange camo,...

...who does that? Okay, so yeah? That wasour first meeting and she she was like this guy's sketchy. We need to dobackground check on him. A hundred percent yeah okay, so you were alreadyplaying in the band. Yes, she was joining the band yeah, so were you just playing together and that likespart, something for you guys or was there something else that kind ofbrought candace and christine there was? The spark was hate at the beginningbecause it was listen. Nothing yeah! I don't to me so my best friend was the intern at thetime and he was leaving to go off to college and shows she was coming in totake his place, and so we automatically didn't really like each other and, likei said she was skeptical with me to begin with anyway, so we just didn'treally mesh, but we had to work together. So, where we really started hanging outtogether was we were members of the college group at the time and therewere like fifteen or twenty of this in the college group and we plan to dostuff every couple of weeks or so, but the plans inevitably would fall throughand it would just end up being the two of us doing whatever was planned,whether it was going to high school football game or getting together andgo into a movie or whatever, and so we just kind of started hanging out andgetting to know each other and kind of became friends through that.And then i guess it was october november around thanksgiving.She invited me to come over to her house for thanksgiving because webecome friends and i got introduced to a family and that was very awkward tosay the least yeah. What made it awkward. My dad one word dad. He wasn't!No! I er with that. Yes, but well, the dead was, we were allsitting in a living room after thanksgiving dinner and he comeswalking out into the entry way of the living room with a needle sticking outof his shirt for his insulin yea for his diabetesthat he just discovered. He really had yeah and was like look this all i gotto do and press the plunger in and then walked away, like literally just shows us how he'staking his in on shot and he's like. I just started insulin and thanksgiving atoo much, so he comes out with the needle already in protruding from hisbelly and just didn't, pull up the sugar and went through the short wentthrough the shirt like we're like wow wow. I literally look at chris and i'mlike so that's my dad and that's kind of how it is like i don't know. Ifanything else, i could tell you, but that's pretty much true. So so, what's going on, you say that, likeyour youth are the adult young adult ministry was like kind of ghosting youguys. What does that mean like even the leaders that were like supposed to beokay, so you guys are showing it to the church you're you somehow, you guys haveaccess. Yes, she was an intern, so she had keys to the youth building, and sowe would go in and race set up for band practices and stuff and then she'd haveaccess and we go in and open up the building and get ready for everybody toshow up, and eventually we get phone calls hey. My kids sick. I can't comehey. I forgot we had these other plans, hey, i got called into work and one byone. They fall like flies, and next thing you know it's time to go. Dowhatever we were supposed to do, and it's just the two of us yeah, a jokethat say that god sent us up like we just felt, like god, just set us upwith all these little stupid dates, and we were like just supposed to be doingcollege ministry and were like. Well, i guess it's just the two of us again. Weshow it they'd, be like let's go to a high school football game and supportsome of the seniors and juniors we be like yeah we're gonna, be there youngadults, let's go and we'd, be there together sitting next to each other,and nobody else would show and we're like. Well, hey, how's it going againwow, it's just us. Let's hang out, you know you know and the thing that- andmaybe this is just the moral of the story, but what i get from that is from my experience with any kind of churchgroup. If you hear oh no one's coming, it's just going to be me and one otherperson like then it's like this immediate, like oh, we got to cancel ityeah. Everyone bell, but i think the moral here is. If you show up you,might meet your husband, you might meet your wife as might meet your bestfriend you might meet. You know a lifelong person. That's going to speakinto your life like. I think that the the world of christian e looks atnumber so much and they don't realize, like man, there's power in just two ofus now, if want, if just one of you walha showed up like if canis wouldhave started billing to. Maybe it would ave been weird you? U chill into thechurch by you o yeah, especially with your look and people walking by thechurch and see how, like we got to call the cops on this yeah like what yeahi'm sure there were people that thought that i sure there's people that did soyeah, but...

...but of twenty years later right ye havebeen married, is a approxi be twenty years in december for us yeah, twelve!Congratulations. Thank you anything that you now know. Twenty years laterthat you wish you would have known a back in two thousand and one i gos so dal yeah. I was not say howlong we were dumb. That's i think. That's the thing thatmost young people that are in involved dating relationships areengaged or young married, just think they know everything they think thinkabout it. All figured out realize you're, dumb, it's okay, you don't have it all figured out, soyou got to sit down and have those conversations you know neither one ofyou are mind, readers. If something bothers you sit down and talk about itand have a grown up, rational conversation about it before it festersand turns into something way overblown way or over dramatic than it really islights being on is not that big a deal if you just sit down and talk about itand hit it head on dishes are not that biga deal. If you sit down and talk about it and hit it head on, if you don't,they become a big deal and it turns into a four five hour conversationuntil two o'clock in the morning. Don't do that yeah, i would say you know.Testosterone and estrogen are not meant to live peacefully in the same placelike that's, okay, you, if you know that going in then you're, like. Ohyou're, not like me, we don't have to be like each other like we couldactually be different and still live here and co exist and be more than justattracted to each other. You know, because when attraction runs out afternot saying like you're, not awesome and cute, and i'm not attracted to you butjust saying the honeymoon phase when that ends and you've got to pay billsand life gets real and you have lost and you've experienced, grief together,you're going to see who each other really really are, and when thathappens, you process things different than any other human being period. Soit makes no difference that it's male and female that process different aswell. So not only do you just your people that process different, but ithink estrogen a test softer on actually make you process different aswell, and so, if you can be okay with just how you process stuff and continueto communicate, it gets easier gets better. You know i say that we've beenmarried almost twenty years and we've enjoyed what seventeen of them so aboutthe first three years were just what we get into. What are we doing?How do we do this yeah and you guys have- i mean, figured things out enoughto where you've done. Premor counseling for other couples, correct ya, a coupledifferent times ye. What does premare counseling look like with the pains sitting on our couch yeah and justtalking about real life. Yeah wait hang on just pause right there. You guys are all sitting side by sideon this cat. We got a sectional. Well such a okay, okay, so you're sitting on the couch and andand what happens when you guys sit down. Is it an hour? Is it two hours? Is it?I said we listen, we listen to their pain points and their fears. More thananything it we tackle them yeah when we did premarital counseling before we gotmarried. It was a book series that turned into twelve orfifteen weeks, and it was the first time the people that were doing ourpremarital counseling did it and so, and we were all good friends and we alllaughed our way through it going. This is just a beat down and we reallydidn't go through real life stuff, because once we gotout of it got married you're dealing with stuff for three to five years of the real nuts and bolts of real life,and we didn't, we didn't, learn it during premarital counseling. So whatwe decided to do when the first couple asked us that was we're just going tosit down and have conversations about life. What is it you're struggling with?What is it you're afraid of what he? What are the things you're passionateabout one of the things you're excited about, and then let's just let thatsteer the conversation and tell you from our experience what we've learnedthrough those kind of situations- and it's not like we didn't- have anyteachable credentials within ourselves. Now, listen we've never been certifiedor anything like that. But like we've done the work of reading the books anddoing the things too, so we're bringing the information that we've already gotstored inside of us, but we didn't feel like it was necessary with the couplesthat we had had to say. Let's get this book and dive into this book, becausethat looks going to have all the answers in five weeks for you right, wewould just say: hey we've already read these books. We understand some things.We want to hear from you. What are you afraid of that's coming up or what areyou? What are you most concerned about that you've already seen some red flax,because you can't go through engagement and trying to pick out a venue and cakeand likee all the things without having...

...some red flags pop up about how youcommunicate and how you already are like. Well, if you're doing this now,what are you going to be like in ten years when we got to make this decision?You know i mean like they do all i'm trying to do is say i want this colorboat tie. Why are we do why we fighting? You know it's like it's like. Youalready have these things that are kind of. Oh, this concerns me and you don'tfeel like you have anybody to talk to about those concerns we wanted to makepremarital counseling some place that people could just say this concerns meabout each other, and what does this look like and how do we get throughthat? Sometimes it was about in laws. I'm concerned about family dynamicslike they grew up different than me, where they expect thanksgiving to looklike this. They expect this moment to look like this. Sometimes it was heywe're bringing in different experiences that we've had sexually with differentpeople or now we're at this point where i feel like this is going to suffer inour marriage. If we really pursue this, you know and you're like okay. Let'stackle that, then, let's go, you know we waited seven years to have kidsintentionally because we knew we need to grow up. I mean we just knew we'relike. We don't need to bring kids into this if it's at all possible and ittook us seven years to finally just kind of be like okay. I think we'reokay with like adding people to this dynamic that we have that's just thetwo of us and we'd be okay. Yep yeah did you guys remain serving togetherfor those seven years, because i know you guys were in the worship and ye didthat continue for the seven years, or did you guys yes, yeah, yeah off and onin different stages? We we work in worston ministry. Together we worked instudent ministry. Together we did college and college ministry throughthat again yelin young, adult marriage, counseling, we've dabbled in here andthere. So through all of that time, we were in ministry together at in oneformer fashion, o. How would you say serving together played a part and yourguys is relational success. Sometimes we have amaril fight in front of people are so i remember doing like a worship,bandera rehearsal and your like. You need to listen to the quick and i'mlike. I don't want like on this war because i want be spiritland, so i needyou to just turn off the bit and we're like oh back and forth and you're likei'm a drawer and you're. Still, if i don't know where you're going, nobodyelse in the band knows were e. Do i speak for everybody here and i'm likewe're, not letting everybody peek we're listening to. God speak right now,we're just like pulling out god cards at each other, throwing away stuff likethat, and i'm like pretty sure that wasn't healthy for either one everybody else is tuning and yeahs awkward, awkward serving times infront of people when it did force us to communicate and learn bettercommunication skills. That particular instance forced us to have anotherconversation after that was over going yeah. I probably wasn't good. Ah thatwas that was pretty embarrassing. So how do we not do that? The next timewe're having a frustrating moment between the two of us during arehearsal or when we're surrounded by other people, how to win bestcommunicate during that kind of situation? Nine times out of ten, whenyou have a moment that blows up it's because of other things that have beenunresolved, so there's things that we already had that we brought that nobodyelse brought to rehearsal. So when you serve with your you know, partnerduring anything in ministry, if you've got stuff going on at home, if you'vegot things that you've not talked about, and then you got to do any activity togo. That's why the amazing race is so awesome to watch with these couplesthat blow up you're, like i don't know how long it took for you to get to thatfight, but i'm amazed that we get to watch that fight right now. You know, iknow there has to be some stuff, that's background here and so serving with each other beingmarried. We're not just coming like everybody else in the band be like yout know about my day. You got to know about my craft day, but we sure knewabout each other's and we probably contributed to it at some point and nowwe've got to serve together. It was it's a rough place to be. You can either be two things when thathappens, you can be fake, which we've seen a lot of pastors andtheir wives do that where they like anything's great, you know it's justlike the smile. We know they're going to murder the they're just going toimplode it one day that was probably too harsh. Sorry, if anybody's reallyexperienced that in their church, that was really unintentional for to just gothat dark, but or we've seen that they're really real and they'reexplosive. You know- and so i think for us, we value authenticity too much sowe're just like what the sparks fly. You know it's what you get with us pop,the popcorn sell tickets yeah. Let's go it's going to be a show, this fight,everybody in line. Let's go all right yeah. It sounds like some w action. Yes,it no okay! So chris we wanted to bringhim in because we wanted to talk about the day and maybe even some build uptolike the whole thu bakama...

...video cersali talk about what did like what was life like. Let's play thewadis game. What, if you know the video? Would it never happened? What, if thatit would have never went viral? What do you? What was life like for thetwo of you guys? What was your day to day life like dayley life was pretty normal, prettyboring. I would say i get up every morning and a i get up as a family andcan is at that point was a stay at home mom and we get the kids ready forschool. I get ready for work. She get ready to do what whatever she had onher schedule for that day. What did i think it a bit? You know. I have always saidthat motherhood he stay at home. Moms is the toughest job in the world, because there's a cleaning of the house there'smaintaining of the house there's meal prep there is making sure everything isready for everybody during the day and then there's all your own stuff thatyou do that we don't know about. I mean it's really easy to say. When i comehome from work, the dishes are done, meals are made and houses clean, thisthat and the other, but there's a billion other things that happenthroughout the day that never get noticed never getting mentioned. Thatare all taken care of that you would know if they didn't get done, but youjust don't really notice when they are done just because they're always done, but but that was our life at that point,i go work. My eight nine hours, whatever it was kids, would be atschool. She'd pick up the kids from school. Bring them home would do familytime. Put the kids to bed have our alone. Time is grown ups, andthen we go to bed at the end of the night. It's pretty straightforward andyou know boring monday day then going into cibao happenedwhirlwind, but you know twenty years ago our life started as a whirlwind. Wemeit's just been a progressive worldwind and we've learned to managethe world win and we just sit and talk about here's what it looks like here'swhat's happening, here's what's on the horizon. What do we do with all of that,and so we just have those honest, brutal conversations, sometimes whereit's this is not going to be pretty. This is not going to be fun, but wehave to talk about it. Sometimes it is. This is going to be amazing. This isgoing to be awesome. Let's sit down and talk about it and figure out next steps. Did you like the day that the videolike went out on facebook live? Did you know from that day that it was going toexplode like what was your reaction day one? I had no idea what was happeningtoday, one because i didn't watch it. Oh, so he had this habit of a randomly texting, the crazy stuffthat would happen through her day and it was just random. So s i got homefrom work that night she said hey. I did this thing. I think it might begoing viral, so i pulled it up on my phone and then i saw that it was fourminutes long. I was like yeah. I don't have time for this. This looks like thesame stuff, i'll watch it like this looks like the same crap. You send meall day at work. Those were your words. This looks like the same craft. Yousend me all day at work and i was like okay, so i'm gonna hold that in my backpocket i kept slickin up and catching up with other friends and familythrough facebook and instagram, and just was totally forgot about it. Afterthat we go through the end of the night andshe goes bay were really think you might want to take a look at this yeahi'll. Take a look when i got time we get ready for bed, we go to bed, i wakeup the next morning to get ready for work. My alarm goes off and her phoneis ringing on her night stand and i hear it ringing. She answers it turnsit off rings again turns it off rings again, turns it off, so i'm gettingready for work and like okay, it's probably just a bunch of friends andstuff something's happening, but i'm not getting any text or phone calls. Soi'm not going to worry about it. She'll tell me about it later: go through thenext morning. Get the kids ready. I get ready for work. I go into work as i'mwalking through the hall at work to go to my desk and get ready for the day. Ihear my wife laughing coming from one of the offices. What is that? Why is she here? What isgoing on? So i stick my head in the office and the guy who was there says:hey, have you seen this cuba, lady? So what are you talking about he's likeyou got to see? This is the funniest thing ever so he turns his phone aroundand shows me and it's my wife's video with a hundred and twenty five millionviews on it, my old boy, so i immediately text her.What did you do? Yeah yeah? I was like what did you do and i was like i got tolet you go i'm talking to npr right now. I just finished my conversation withbbc and i'm pretty sure o morning.

American wants me a combat, and i waslike tell you later. He just was like by. I was like this. The only thingi've ever had to hold over your head right. You know i like that was thatwas my experience with it was i paid zero attention to it until the nextmorning, when my co worker showed it to me yeah, and then you had to stay latefrom work, because we had a new station at our house and then you didn't wantto be a part of it yeah. No, that was actually the friday yeah, that's true yeah, that was yeah.So the friday we had a new station coming to the house with a bunch ofdifferent stuff, and i was like yeah. I probably don't want to be like be apart of that, because i'm messy from work- and one of us needs to maintainand an i ityou so that we can go to the grocery store and the gas station anddo all the things for our family, so yeah, i'm just going to bow out of that and yeah, and i was like eight thirty. Okay,everybody's gone: you can come home, it's crazy yeah. I feel like because you're like alittle bit of an introvert or a little bit, yeah a lot of an introverted soyeah, i'm super introvert, which surprises me that i mean you're evenhere, which is awesome. I'm so thankful that you're here and i mean as anintrovert, you see. Oh, my goodness, my life have had a change right that hadto click in your head. So are you you're, like okay? Do i rush home to mywife so like try to figure this out together or do i not rush on becausethere's going to be paparazzi everywhere, and i don't want that rightso, the weekend after it happened, she was invited to go to. I think it was new york at that point. The video happened thursday. All ofthis was friday. When you saw my video that afternoon, you stayed late andthen saturday i did my bible journal in class right with like reporters outsideof the bible journ in class, because i found the facebook location online andthen i had like maybe five hours to pack andthen i left sunday morning for new york right. So it was all like when we sayworld wind. It was like to to to real fast. So then there was new york withan interview and then immediately fly to california for another interview andtour of facebook head quarters, lucas film, all of that yeah. So she got backon like tuesday or wednesday. The following week is vensday yea, and so she got homefrom all of that. We got the kids put to bed and we sat down and he said:okay, we need to seriously have a have a conversation about next steps. Yeah, i say yeah yeah. This is what'shappened in the last five days and it looks like this could be a stepping offport. So what do you think about that? Well, those couples they're like hey,i'm thinking about going back to work. I've been a stay at home mom for a fewyears. I think it's time that i go back to work. Can we afford a new babysitter?Can we do? We want to put the kids here for this, like imagine that on steroidsthat conversation like we were sitting there going? Not only do i think i wantto go back to work. I think i want to start my own lls. I want to be able tobe an author and venture out in a business that i've never ever thoughti'd, be capable or qualified for, but let's go and i want to start traveling.Are you okay with this? Are we okay with this as a family like what do wedo next and that conversation was at a serious cross roads with what he wasgoing to say yes or no to yeah, so we just had to have that real, brutallyhonest conversation of? Is this going to be a fun little thingthat happened on a whim and it's going to blow over and we wash our hands ofit and say: well that was fun or did we let this be a launching padfor our entire family to where she gets to jump into something that she's beencalled the new for the longest time, and so we had tojust sit down and look at it and have that on this conversation of forget,the logistics forget whall, the other stuff that goes withit. This is obviously something from god,i'm not going to stand in front of that. I can't stand in front of him and goyeah. No we're not going to do that, because it's going to diserto much. Ican't do that yeah so screw the logistics forget all the other stuff.If he's kicked this door wide open for you to jump into all the differentthings that you're called to do, then i'm not going to stand in the way,all the logistics and all the other stuff. That are my fears, because i'man introverted, scheduler spreadsheet guy. All of that stuff will be figuredout. If he's going to take care of this. Why wouldn't you take care of the restof it? So we're just going to put it as that andif at any point you feel like this is too much and i don't want to do itanymore. We're done you still say that yeah, you e, still say that daily, andi love that. As a matter of fact,...

...that's why i married him because listen.I never thought that i would marry an introvert and i'm just going to behonest, he's everything on my do not want list like the exact opposite ofwhat i wrote when i was sixteen, and you know i'm like short and fat, and ididn't want somebody tall and skinny he's telling skinny. You know mike ogreat we're that couple and we walk around and then like i didn't want.Somebody with facial hair is kept. Massive bear didn't want somebody withlong hair, long hair, i'm telling you like all the things didn't want,somebody that, like motorcycles or tattoos, are wrestling and he's like. Ilove all those things. You know- and so i'm sitting here going, what is it onmy list that you qualified with and the one thing that i can con consistentlysee, is he's everything that i didn't want, but everything that i absolutelyneeded everything i needed and i think that a lot of people are in the datingpool right now or that are in new marriages. Don't realize that maybetheir spouse is exactly what they need and it's not about your wants a lot ofthe times it really isn't like. Sometimes we don't even know what isbest for us, but if we trust that god does, he givesus that person that'll be with us that can actually sharpen us, and it is asharpening sharpening- is not something that's flue flu and just fun. All thetime sharpening is actual grinding of it, and i found that the things thatgrind against each other actually solidify and forge something reallystrong with us. The thing that you just heard him say is i'm not standing ingod's way. I can't find another person, i don't care if you're, extroverted orintroverted or whatever your personality type is or anything thatyou claim. If you don't have that in you to go god's, will above my own willthen that's the thing that makes me go. I don't think i can do that life withthis person, but the thing that i didn't care what his personality was orhow different or clashing we may be of our styles or preferences. The factthat he yielded to the lord always was the thing that made me most attractedto him. I was like look. I see this guy. This is foreign for him, but he'sconsistently pressing into places that are difficult or he's always saying.Yes to god, like i've, never heard him once destroy a dream of mine. Never andi've heard every sunday school teacher at some impass tear me down whetherthey knew it or not, just by a little phrase or a nuance or not not of theirhead or that'd be nice. You know, like i get your sarcasm, but this guy thatdoesn't even know jesus until he's later on in life, didn't wasn't raisedin the church, and you know all these different things that could hold himback and make him a wallflower and introverted he's like hey. If, godsaying do that, go and i'm like that's freeing, you know what i meanlike that right there i want to be with somebody that says that it s a matterof fact before we started dating. We were on a college trip that weekend andthe whole topic. The whole weekend was talking about our dreams and trustinggod with our dreams right, and we had an egg as an illustration that we hadto the guys had to care for an egg and the girls had to care for an egg andwhoever was able to build something out of popsicle sticks and bubble, wrap toprotect their egg. We were going to launch them and whoever's egg survivedor experienced. The least amount of damage was the winner. You know, so itwas competitive and i'm like yes. Well, little did we know he was taken overthe guy's egg building because he was like. I got this bit like a cage for itwith bubble, wrap and popsicle sticks and mine. I thought well, i should putlike a parachute on it right, because if it drops still float, you know,that's all the small. You know brilliant brilliant. I is sowe're laughing and talking about these eggs and these dreams and everybody inour college group that week and it kind of split up and done differentactivities in our free time and we're sitting together on this little parkbench and he could tell he was visibly upsetabout something and he was like hey what's wrong. What are you thinking?And i just said i just want to let you know that i'm not giving up my dreamsfor anybody, like i told him that and then, from the beginning, were weweren't, even dating like i just looked at him was like. I think this is kindof headin this way, but i just want to let him know that i'm not giving up mydreams for anybody, and he looked at me and he made it very personal and hegoes did i ever ask you to give up anything for me and i was like a smoothoperator all right as i was like. Okay, no, you didn't and he was like. No, iwould want to see whatever god wants to do in your life, and so that wassomething that drew me to him, and then you know cashing in on that five yearsago, if fifteen years married to see that we've got two kids that are fiveand six years old. I've been the stay at home, mom and now the tables of turnand opportunities knocking and doors are opening. Is he really going to makegood on what he said fifteen years ago and here's somebody that goes, i'm notgoing to stand in the way of god. We obviously see it's happening, go youknow, i mean like that quality. I don't care who you are or who you're dating.If you don't have the quality that yield yourself to the will of god getout because that person fifteen years down the road is still going to bestubborn and obstinate and twenty years...

...down from that. Even more so, and iwish that people knew going into marriage, the secret sauce is yieldingthat's all. It is it's somebody that continually says not mine, but hisultimately, and then in the worst days, not me, but you when you need it, let'sgo. If you could do that, man that that's a great marriage, i really don'tcare. Whatever else happens, you can weather it as long as you have that hasthere ever been a time where this world of fame that you've supported and hashas almost battled with the world of family, and you had to choose family over that fame.Has that clashed yet? Oh yeah? We we've had to have thosehard conversations where i can think of one example. Go for it because i can'tmarry conic junior harry come out. Wasn't here, okay, yeah!I was scheduled to go on a work trip. She was scheduled to go on a work tripand we were trit, meaning i'm going to be on the harry. Conte junior show t, so i got to go with harry connick.Junor, of course, that i didn't have the issue with. It was more theschedule of who think who's going to be with ourkids when they get out of school that day, because i'm supposed to come home on a friday,and we all know that there's airline delays and whether travel things butyou're leaving on friday morning, there's going to bean overlap where, if everything works out, okay, the kids won't know thedifference because you drop them off. I pick them up and they're none the wiser,but we didn't have a a plan b. It's like there was no plan, but it was. Wecouldn't get hold of any of our friends that were free in case of emergency, togo pick up our kids and do all of this stuff, and it was the stress of we have as i guess they were probablyaround six or seven at that time. Yeah, maybe a little older, but wit. We havea six and seven year old that are not allowed to lead the school withoutparents, supervision or somebody that they know to pick them up. They're, notold enough to stay by themselves, they're, not a little enough to walkhome by themselves. Yet they've never done this before we've never had thisconversation, oh crap, what are we going to do in this? Next six hourspraying the god that i get home one time and here's the thing it's thatharry conte junior show was an ad on, so i was already in new york doingsomething else and they called and they were like. Hey can you come and i'mlike? Oh that just be adding like two more days in new york, of course i'll!Do it not even talking with him and saying? Can we do this and so you'rebeing kind by leaving them that out, but, like i totally mess that up withnot just consulting and going hey, can we do this as a family? So the famething over threw the family of my mind in that moment, because i was thinkingharry conic junior. It had to be you, you know, i'm like come on in terryconno, junior and then and then to come to find out i'm like. Why are wefighting about this? You know that, like i was just it's just a couple moredays and then i realized i didn't consider. I didn't consider the familyin this moment and it just a grounding back to the reality that family isconsidered in every decision. It's not just hey. I'm going to be doing thisfor work piece out. It's hey! Let's here's what was brought to me today. Ithink i want to do this doesn't conflict with anything. What do youthink? That's still to this day about normal speaking, gigs that are travelyou, so we just had to have that on this conversation of i get called totravel for my work every now and then you git cal travel for work all thetime we just have to make that schedule and then, when one of us commits to itthe other ones out. So if they ask he's have to say i'm sorry, we can't do thatunless we know for sure there's somebody there to to pick up theslacking where we're both out, and we have somebody there to watch our kidsto make sure that something they're all taken care of now our kids are a littlebit older, and so they can come with us if i go traveling somewhere most of thetime or stuff like that, so it helps, and i feel, like every marriage hassome one of the parents, if not both this kind of like away more than theother. Typically, it's like the day of thebusiness man. You see that in the movies like no dad's never around, buti feel like in your guys relationship. Cannas is probably like you said likeon these trips constantly traveling on these shows. Has there ever been a timewhere you feel like you're being pulled away so much like how do you balanceconstantly being on the road and go into these places with time with thekids with chris? Well, you know what i want to just go ahead and speak to itfor sure, because i get women all the time in dm is telling me i'm paying foryour marriage, i'm praying for your kids and i'm like that's so sweet, butthen i also hear like this little line that they don't say behind that. Thatsays, i really hope: you're okay,...

...because you're traveling all the time.You know what i mean like it's the underlying conversation of. If thatwere me, i'm just saying you know, and let me just tell you the truth, thosedays that were the war win from new york to la and then coming home onwednesday. I was going like five days and when i came home the anxiety oflanding, i thought. Okay, when i get home, i've got to make sure i go to thegrocery store this evening, and then i've got to do this and this and thisand this to get their laundry ready and then i've got it. Okay, right, you knowall the mom anxiety of i've been gone. I've got a repair i get home and i walkin the door and the kids are peacefully playing with each other. On the floorwith toys and giggling, there was dust particles just floating in from thesunlight in the windows, and chris is in a recliner with his feet, upwatching a baseball game and like there is peace in the home and it's cleanlike it'd, been cleaned prestine and i'm sitting here going. I think wecheck this up like you should be here, and i should be out there like whathave we been doing? You obviously do this way better than me. You know, andwhat's funny still to this day is we've had to go. Parenting is a wholedifferent conversation right. First of all, parenting is the hardest job youwill ever have in your life. Nobody prepares it for you. You cannot readenough books to understand it. Every child is completely different and hasher own nuances and they reflect the worst of you consistently back to you,like the things that you're frustrated with them about are basically lookingin a mirror and you're going well. This job is awesome if god told us that thatwas really what parenting was like. None of us would sign up right. We likeokay, but but to see that, like the roles thatwe've constantly volleyed back and forth in this past five years of all ofthis, sometimes it is more i'm at home during the summer. So therefore morethe decisions are going to be based on what i do day today with the kids andthere's times, i'm heavy travel, and i vally it to him and say i trust youlike it's just an ebb and flow of us working together and we have to be veryfluid. I mean like we joke about. We have our own parent handbook and one ofthe verses is you know, parents, twenty four, seven and it says blessed- arethe flexible, because they'll never be broken. You know i mean you have to beflexible because you won't break. You won't break your anger. You won't breakyour expectation on anything or anybody in the house and it'll just be okay.You know. We said that coming here, for just being with the kids at universalyesterday were like everybody: blessed are the flexible today right, you knowwe're going to do what we can do and if it don't get your heart broken. If wecan't do this and this and this and it's a part of what we've discoveredabout each other's personalities and and how we're equipped to handle thefamily. So when people are like well, candice, you're, traveling and you'remissing out here and and you're so far on the road does that does that hurtthe family? I've actually seen it strength in our family, sometimesbecause think of it. This way i had those first five to six years of theirlives when they're learning how to say, mama and deda and learn how to eat andlearn how to crawl and learn how to talk and walk and and how nurturing isthat for a mother role to be those years solely dedicated and now watchingthis weird in between stage that we've just walked that six to twelve year old,that school age, where they're going to walk into puberty that they'redeveloping ideas about what they want from another spouse or a partner or aperson in their life and to have a father role, step in to be a primaryvoice and switch. That was a blessing to our home for my daughter to have adaddy's opinion on things more than the mama rushing in and being like. Itshould be like this and and and kind of make her a mothering person when she's,only six or seven years old, she's, actually seeing how a dad actuallyshows grace and love towards her and what she should expect going into herteenage years. When she wants to start dating. You know, and then you've gotmy boy also experiencing the love of a father that says, yeah we're going toturn off everything we're going to go out, we're going to throw the ball,because i'm going to show you that i work hard, but i play hard too and showyou the value of what that means to rest in a renew and then i care aboutyour needs. You know i mean, like we've been given a gift. I think for thosefirst few years to allow me to have those mothering years, but to have thishighlighted fothering years from six to twelve has just been insane. It's beenan insane gift that i didn't know we even needed or wanted. As a matter offact, i would almost write a whole book on letting people know there's a secretand of vollying those responsibilities during those ages. I mean like it's,it's beautiful, to see what happens and now we're about to go into chaos ofteenage lands. So we're just accepting prayers like that's all we're going.That's our plan is just except prayers and lots of you know things going overfor us because i think we're about to...

...just lock arms together and say: let'sgo, you know, i think it's on both of us now ye when you're married to someone who has such a cool life, such a cool job likegets to do the cool thing i feel like they're, probably cause just maybe asmitch of like jealousy of oh, my gosh. She just got to meet j j. A rams like iknow that you're a star wars fan as well or oh, my gosh she's, getting tohang out with tubacca like things like that, probably come up. So how do youhandle? Because this is speaking to all couples out there? Because, yes, noteveryone, has it to the degree of the two of you right, but i'm sure thatthere are those couples that have those feelings of man. You are the say,provider of the family or say you are the person that gets to do the job ofthe kids love like. How is that for you chris? For me, it's really exciting because of me being an introvert. It'snot my ideal situation to be put into those kinds of situations i love beingat home. I love sitting on my couch watching tv watching sports being in mybed every night you know making my own meals in mykitchen driving my car, going to to my job she's always been a nomad thatloves to go and experience and see all the different things that life has tooffer. Not that i don't enjoy that, but let me go enjoy that for a couple ofdays and then let me get back home to my bed. Let me get home to my schedule,my routine. That's just how i'm wired so getting to see her live some ofthose dreams and see some of those things fulfilled is genuinely exciting.For me, i love when she comes back home and we get to sit on the couch and shegets to tell me all the stories of i got to meet so, and so i got to do this.I got to see this. I got to be a part of recording this or being part of that.It's not my deal. I do it every now and then i get to go on some of these tripswhere they're like this, but it's just not my deal. So i love seeing and againit's one of those things that, from the very beginning of our friendship whenwe get to sit and talk about those kind of things, and i get to hear all of herdreams and would sit and even in the young stages of our marriage, gettingto hear what she's dreaming about what she's thinking about and me trying tofigure out. Okay, what can we do to help try and make that a reality? Wherecan we make the sacrifices? Where can we make the changes in our schedule?Where can we give up certain things to try and push towards that direction ofwhere you're feeling called is list not know for a long time that she's calledto do a whole whole lot of things, because she's never focused on onething: she's one of those free spirited creatives that today it i'm gonnacreate a tshirt. Tomorrow, i'm going to write a book tomorrow, i'm going topaint two weeks from now. I've got this thing coming up and if you're notwilling, if you've got one of those people in your life and you're notwilling to bounce to whatever idea is on the plate thatday and shift and try to figure out how to make those happens, you were goingto butt heads and you are going to have strife and you were going to havearguments. I've just always been willing and able to visit when she saysyeah that was yesterday today, i'm doing this okay. What are we? How werewe going to make that happen today? How are we going to move towards thisdirection? If you feel like this, and so getting to hear those storiesand being able to help piet help direct and guide and still be in thebackground, making sure that house is taking care of, not dishes are done,houses picked up, kids are alive and ended in going to school on time anddoing all of those things. That's just been the joy on my part. I feel likethat. I'm gonna cry like de i was gonna say. I feel like that thatthree to four minutes of chris talking, i i feel like most of our listeners aregoing to be like young married christian females and that's wherethey're going to pause, rewind three minutes and go to their husband andjust be like listen to this man, because i think a lot. I i hope thatany christian man that hears that and here's your heart, because the churchtells us you have to be that spiritual leader in your relationship and a lotof times in your head. You think that means i need to stand up taller get onmy tippytoes. I need to be. You know bigger and lead in a bigger way. Theydon't see it as laying down myself my wants and and allowing i for for mylike to lead in a in a...

...a very selfless way. You know- and ifeel like that that, like you, are spiritually leading her by laying downand allowing god to use her and do what he wants through her. I think that'sincredible. Thank you. Yeah i've always felt that there's a difference betweenhearing a spiritual leader and being the teacher. I am not by any stretch of theimagination, a public speaker or a bible teacher, or anything like that.That is way more her her skill set. So when it comes to directing our house, and especially when it comes toteaching the bible to our kids yeah, i know the bible, but i can't sit downand do a bible study or lead a bible study for our friends and family andthose kind of things, but as the lead of our household. Iunderstand my own strength and weaknesses, and i know that that issuch my weakness, but it's something where she's super strong. So we set upthe time and i schedule the time as the leader would make the time to do thosethings, but as the one who leads out in theteaching part of it yeah that's way more her deal. I will always sit in and give my thoughts and opinions and bewilling to have conversation as the conversation is directed but to sitdown. They lead just because i'm the husband and i'm supposed to accordingto wagins il stuff right now i don't, but just because i'm the guy and i'msupposed to yeah. That's not that's, not what it means. It's it's about understanding yourdifferent strengths and weaknesses as individuals and how they play off ofeach other and then the best person suited for that job. Take that role andbe willing to understand that and be okay with that. I don't care that i'm a guy and i'm ialmost did it yeah. I understand that as being the guy and society says, i'm supposed to do thisand supposed to be the provider and supposed to be the head and supposed tomake all the decisions. What kind of life does that leave for your wife, asshe doesn't have any input that i haven't seen one that ends verysuccessfully, there's tons of arguments times of divorce that comes with that tons ofunhappiness that comes with that is not willing to do it. I don't knowwhether or an entire family be happy. You know you always hear the same.Happy, wife, happy life, but it's more happy family, so we sit, and especially now at theage, our kids are it's. We all sit down as a family and say: okay. How do youthink about this? What do you feel about this? What would make you happyand again making those pivots and, if there's a frustration for my elevenyear old okay, how do we fix that? And what can we do as a family to make thatnot a frustration for you for my twelve year old daughter,there's something that's making you sad? How can we come together and rallyaround you to fix that or make it better? Sometimes you can't fix it.Sometimes it's life happens and you just have to weather that. But how canwe make it better? How can we rally around you and lift you up and makethings better? Hmm yeah that phrase happy wife, happy life works so wellbecause of the rhyming. So maybe the happy anomaly is the happy family. Ifthat, if that ryan set up, i little stick it yeah. I will say this: i justwant to speak to that, like how many people have the privilege and honor ofdoing life with somebody that just says your dream is my dream. Do you knowwhat i mean like that right, there alone man i will get emotional about.If i talk too much, but that right there is a quality that ifeel like. It's probably the greatest gift that i have you know because a lotof times like i said my dreams or my ideas were shamed and were put down anddiscouraged so quickly and then define life with somebody that goes your dreamis my gem and not just to say your dream is my dream, but him to go. Thatis my joy to like to have a non compete. It just naturally flow in your familyis massive, so it makes the person that has thedream all that more grateful and slow down and go. What can i do for you? What can i giveto you? You know what i mean like my my family and my husband are in everysingle thought that i have. Does this honor you does this bring you happiness?Is this something that's going to benefit all of us here because ofsomebody going your dream is my dream and it's not onlyy that, but it's myjoy and one of the greater qualities...

...that i know that chris has. That isabsolutely sustaining. Our entire marriage in his leadership is theloyalty there's just if men gosh. If man couldfigure out what it means to be loyal, i think it would change the whole familydynamic for everybody. I don't care christian, not christian. It doesn'tmatter just this beauty in loyalty to say regardless, i'm with you and i'm notgoing, i'm not abandoning i'm not leaving. I'm not i'm not shaking downthis so that i can have something else from me. It's just that loyalty aspectwhen i look at just the goodness of god that isradiating from who he is, that is the highest quality that always rises tothe top is loyalty. I never worry. If he's on my side, not one single time.Do i worry, if he's with me team candace, never never, and so i just feel like whenyou're entering into marriage loyalty is underrated and undertaught, but itis the. It is the greatest thing that you could ever give to anybody now being raised out of the churchbeing raised in a baptist church right coming together now being in aassemblies of god yeah. I just joked that on a baptiste at this point youknow i mean like i, i honestly i have. I have church wones, like almosteverybody, that's been a church kid and i really don't even like the labels ofother than christian and even christian is something that you say and it'soffending people now because of just the weirdos that get the biggest spotlight in microphone right. But i would just say that the biggestthing i can call myself is a spirit filled believer of jesus and followerof god. You know so being spirit filled. How does the holy spirit interact withyou guys in your marriage? Well, there's a meme that i know that i love.That probably is the best. Do you know the golden girls? Yes, okay, so there'sthis meme of the golden girls right and sophie is the short mom of the tall barthur, that's her daughter and she's from behind her and she grabs her mouthclosed like just basically muzzles her mouth and like it's so funny, becauseit's like me with the holy spirit, you know, like the holy spirit, is kind ofmuzzles you. I just feel like the holy spirit in our relationship. It just itallows us to say this is worth bringing up and arguing and talking and workingthrough, or it's worth shutting up and just saying i'm going to die towhatever. I think that i need to right now: that's not important. There's, notnot every hill is worth fighting on. You know not every issue you need tostand on. You just got to go hey. Is this something that i'm supposed tolisten to god about, because it's important- and this is tearing us apartor i could have the possibility to tear us apart or is it just something that idon't like? If it's your preference put it down, you know, but if it's going tochange the projection of your family and your future fight for it everysingle time and the only way you can know the difference is being spirit lednow we say spirit live for anybody. Listening this lin. Let's go thatthey're thinking. What does that even mean how how has the holy spirit looked likeand you like in detail? What does that look like okay? So here's a quicklittle lesson ready for preacher canvas? Okay, the holy spirit is very, verynear and dear to the believer, especially because of what jesus isdone. So it is not a substitutionary for what jesus is done or the personageof jesus jesus is ultimately the one that by him and through him we canapproach boldly the throne of god. However, we have been given the holyspirit, the very moment that we accept a life with christ and we lay down oursand we accept jesus as our lord. The holy spirit is not only accessible butinteractive and abiding in us, so we have the ability with what galatiansfive tells us to have the fruits of the holy spirit, because there is thatabiding and so the things that most of a struggle for in marriage or in life,peace, joy, gentleness, patience, self control. All these things that wereally really want to see play out in our life without the holy spirit, theabsence of allowing the holy spirit to actually dwell within our thoughts,within our words that we put in from the scriptures that we read, because injohn it tells us in jesus, is red letters that the sheep will know myvoice and that he's our good shepherd. Well, how do we know our voice unlesswe aren't listening to him speak and the holy spirit does speak in differentways. He speaks through that the word of god. He speaks through encouragementfrom the believers which we like to call the prophetic wordfirst screenthings. Fourteen three says the one who...

...prophesies strengthens, encourages andcomforts. So if it's a word that strengthens or it encourages orcomforts, then it'll be a prophetic word. If it's doom and gloom and it'shatred, it's not from the holy spirit. So that's probably from a man's limitedview of god and the fear of man that actually drive driven. That word togive to you. So it has to be strengthening, encouraging andcomforting the thoughts that you hear from other people that aline with theword of god, god will never have his word return void to himself so when heputs it in you, he'll work upon it, he'll always complete it and the holyspirits of the thing this bridge that's beautifully put in between it betweenour thoughts and the actual voice of got, and so, if we can agree upon, i'mholding my phone in my hand, and we agreed together that this is a phonelike we're both going to call this thing: a phone and we're going to havea language to call it a phone, and we know that when we look at it, we callit the same item. Why could we think that god's, incapable of literally bypassing some thoughts that we have in our own mind and giving us truth forhow we need to process thoughts? It's because he develops a language that hecan speak to us, because he is our shepherd and we know his voice. We knowwhat's different about him when he speaks to our thoughts than when we'respeaking to our own thoughts. So that's a it's a really big lesson and like asmall little short thing, but the reality is. Is that the holy spirit youcan hear from him he's not so mysterious that we make them out to behe's as close as your own thoughts, but the distinction is knowing thecharacter and the goodness of god, so that you can distinct between. This isholy spirit versus me. If its holy spirit, it will line with the characterof god and with the word of god, every single time it will strengthen,encourage and comfort, and it will not be apart from that. It won't be apartfrom his character. He won't do it it like that. God will never tell you go.Do this on behalf of my name, that's going to cause harm, malice ordestruction it just it's not his character. Notwhen he's the god that says. Surely goodness and mercy will follow you allthe days after your life of your life, you know so being actually a spirit filled person.It's a continual practice of flooding my mind with the word of god andkeeping my ears open to the voice of god, and it's just. It sounds verycomplicated by all the preface narrative that i just gave you, but thereal reality is is it's the submission of me going. The word of god is myanger point for everything. Every single thing, the voice of god is mydirectional gps for everything and nothing else, matters. Nothing else matters i cannot be led orswayed any place else without those two things. If i go those ways, it is veryflesh, carnal driven, not carnal like i'm such as sinful horrible being, andi just want worldly things like it's just that i know that the things thatare narcissistic never do me or my family good, and i'm not saying that you cannotpursue things that are pleasures, but i will say this: if your onlydesire is to pleasure yourself and nothing else or the heart of god,you're missing out on a completely different life that is full of joy. You can live your life down that pathvery, very flesh, driven instead of spirit filled, and you can still have aproductive and successful, and very i mean fat bank account. You know what imean like. I see it every single day, but it's just not the kind of joy thati know is capable by living a life that submitted to the spirit of god. Thatsays, i have better, always always have better for you, so that's the spirit,feel kind of life and people don't even know what they're missing until theyfind it. So i hope that, maybe through that or through more just like goingafter it even just praying for, like god, let me hear you. I hope thatpeople can find the like that voice of the holy spirit and just allowing themto allow the whole spirit to leave their life. Another thing that you guysdo together and we're kind of getting to the end of our show here about. Youis very important for couples, especially as me as someone who's goinginto marriage. You guys do this thing called find the fun and you find thefun and so many different things. I think that that is so huge and crucialin having a relationship that works having a family that works some of thethings i know that you guys do and if you're already like thinking of ideasto share, i hope i don't steal them, but i know one of the things you guysdo. Is that christmas you hand each other like toys for one another whichamazing ashley, and i are starting that like this year, do i love that? Anotherthing you guys do is for valentine's day. You guys take each of you. Take the like one of thekids out on like a valentine's date, yeah, which is super amazing, which,when i have kids totally going to do that as well. Is there anything else...

...t to maybe help springboard couples ormaybe like a first step that they can do and either like hey? Here's thatpractical example of just do this or hey here is how we figure out things tojust incorporate it. I think the biggest thing is knowing who each other are and then when times get tough and dropeverything and do something fun for each other, like just even as simple as you know. What let's go, get coffee,let's go get ice cream, let's go walk in the park. Let's, let's go see amovie, you remember a car wash state, we did have a car wasted. Yeah he madeout in the car. Washing is awesome. I let's just go to get the car wash.Then we made out an a out. Can cadence yeah? This is erin quarantine. I was likethat pre times, let's go to get a car wash man. These kids won't leave usalone, so yeah quarantine has definitely been a stretching and cutthe whole. Cove thing has been a challenge so with that you've had to becreative and had to look at the horrible things that are happeningin a world right now. How do we find fun in that? You just doyou just you know who each other are and you go do something fun like i said:let's go get coffee. Let's go! Spend fifteen minutes together in the car byourselves go get the car washed. You know it'ssimple, it doesn't have to be elaborate. You don't have to get on a plane to goanywhere. Do anything like that. It can be as simple as drive to the ice creamshop and spend ten minutes of quiet conversation between the two of youwith no other descriptions. Turn your phones off, put them away. Just let itbe the two of you and go. Do something fun whether it's you swing in a part,go take a walk, go, have ice cream, just turn everything off in your house,it only couch together. You can go anywhere the just be together and dosomething fun yeah. I think i wish like looking backretrospectively. I really, i feel, like young couples without kids, there'slike a whole different handbook, i'd write and then with kids there's awhole different handbook, id wright. You know without kids. I keep onthinking about how many times like you need to foster the other person'sindependence and freedom. You know i mean without kids, it's okay for you togo, hang out with guys, it's okay for you to go to the baseball game andchill and be away from me. It's okay for me to go to a musical with mygirlfriends and you not have to sit there and like it like we get soconfused with we've got to like each other's interest. That means we loveeach other. How about the beautiful thing is: is that you're differentpeople- and you love different things, and that can be yours like we can haveindependent loves of different things, but still love each other very deeply.I think that scares people that are newly married to think if he doesn'tlove what i love, he doesn't love me and that's not reality like the realityis. Is he's never going to be wired to sit through wicked and enjoy it, andthen he's going to piss me off that he's mad the whole time and run myexperience of wicked it's okay for me to go. Let me bring a girlfriendinstead and have this independent personality outside of you, and so ithink young married without kids. That's what i see is so so beautifulthat finds fun is allowing you to have fun independently and it doesn'tdestroy you. It actually strengthens you, because when you come backtogether, you're like thank you so much, i knew that you saw that in me that ineeded that. Thank you. Not everything has to be froufrou couple time. Youknow it's okay, to separate and come back and be like. That was great. Thankyou for that. But then, when you're with kids, like what he's describingget fifty if people with kids and you've got little ones right nowlistening, let me qualify this statement for you finish and endconversations like when you have littles in your house.You start a bazillion conversations that have no end to them and, like youmay end it four months later and be like hey the things here. Did we everdecide what we were doing and you, my god, don't remember it's because you'velost sleep, you've lost brain cells. You stayed up too late. I mean it'sfine, so when he saying enjoy these little things, sometimes that fifteenminute drive allows you to close and wrap up a conversation that you've notbeen able to do, and that's your fun so good, such a good enough to end on. Wealways like to whoever we have on the show. Just if you have any way to letour listeners know where they can find you or they can find your podcast wherethey can find your books, but they can fight everything can ice pain. Wherecan our listeners go candice pain, dot me candice, pain to me, that's right! Dotme and socandace and pain are spelled...

...with all, as not a single eye in myname, so also candice pain, dot, me very cool.Well, if you're still listening right now take the advice of chris andcandice turn this podcast off unplug and go spend some time with yoursignificant other, your kids and we'll see guys next time. Thank you all right,y'all. We hope you loved that conversation here, young mary christian.We are on a mission to see a gospel centered home made available for everysingle child in the foster care system. There are four hundred thousand kids inthe foster system and there are four hundred thousand churches in america.All the church can solve this problem. If you want to join us on this missiontext, the word freedom to eight thrty, three, three, seven, oh one, six one,oh another thing you can do to help us grow. The reach of this podcast is toleave a rating in apple podcast. It's super simple, just go to the show'spage scroll down and give us a rating for this show debo what what's a goodrating typically just count the fingers on my hand, and then i click that manystars all right. So we're not telling you to give us a five star rating, butfor the love of everything holy. It would help us tone if you would thengive us a rating. I guess for that guy that has four fingers just had one. Yes,you don't even have to leave a review because, let's be real, that takes toolong just go to apple pod gas and leave us a rating. Yes, but seriously, though,if you do nothing else at least text the word freedom to eight three, three,three: seven, oh one, six one o eight, three, three, three, seven o one: six,one o hey the three thirty seven out, one six, one o eight, the h three,seven one six one oo.

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