@candacepayne - Chewbacca Mom's Husband Was Oblivious to Her Viral Video w/ Candace Payne

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

In this episode, we talk to Candace Payne. You might know her as "Chewbacca Mom" from that crazy viral video a few years ago. But she's also an author, speaker, podcaster, wife, and mom. She's hilarious, brilliant, and she loves Jesus with an incredible passion.

You can find Candace on Instagram, YouTube, and her podcast. 

All right, welcome back to episode three of young married Christian, a young man Christian. We are on a mission to see a Gospel centered home made available for every single child in the foster care system and in this episode you're going to hear from candace pain, Aka Chew Bacha Mom. Yes, he chew Bacha Mom from that Crazy Viral video a few years ago, and you're going to love this conversation. Yeah, one of the things I love the most was her secret sauce to marriage, which was finding the fun, and one of the things that she talked about was her and Chris going on a quartantee date in a car wash and having a little makeout session. What I also love when candice talked about the importance of really tuning in to the Holy Spirit, having Holy Spirit sensitivity and allowing that to guide your everyday actions and how you make decisions. She has to talks about her dreams and aspiration to be on SNL one day. She even does a Chris Farley, a person nation that had me busting at the scenes laughing. So please love it and grab onto your prayer beats Jordan, because here it comes, a young married Christian. I don't even know what a WAMA is. We've seen him out here. What is Wama? It's Oh, it's a gas station. It's not even a grocery store. I mean it's that. So here's my knowledge, like walking's. Don't laugh at me, but on teen mom too. One of the MOM's kind of added out and X and said that he tried to make an advance on her at the wall wall and so we're like, what's up? We thought it was a body part for a long time. We didn't understand the context of what she was saying. made an advancement, and so then we were like maybe they're just calling it that and we don't know what that means. That's like, how out of it are we that we don't understand this? And then we found out it was, you know, some sort of eastern kind of yeah, but we were kind of thinking maybe it's a Walmart and they call it a wall. Wall is like like we were so confused for so long. Yeah, I mean we didn't. I didn't know either. Coming from Indiana, Kentucky thortance was our thing, tartans. Yeah, Bucky's is a good I wanted so badly to go to a bucky's when we were driving the country, but we didn't. Bucky's is worth it. You'll stop in there for like nine hours, lose a day. It's twilight zone, and then you'll come out and you'll be like wow, it's dark out here. Okay, so in Texas you call it Tuco Hell McDonald's isn't know. Now, Uh Huh. Let's put yourself. You're getting out of church Sunday morning. Uh Huh. where, if it's your choice, where you taking the family through a drive through? Get go through a drive through your choice. Where are you going? Well, chick fil a's out because our closed on Sunday. It's the reason for the question. I know we saw constantly. We constantly argue about that. If I'm going to go through a drive through on a Sunday, we probably would do m maybe pop eyes chicken. HMM, cheat on Chick Fil A. Yeah, popeyes chicken, or maybe it just depends. Panda Express. Might do some Pant Express. I feel like you and Jarren are on the same level, as he was also like Panda Express. Yeah, he did a whole like segment about pantic so I can totally see that. Yeah, I guess you've made it once paned express becomes your voice, like that's when you know. It's like either that or when, I guess, someone steals your identity, or chipoltle or yeah, or they try to make a fake account. Yeah, yeah, and they ask people for money from your name. That's really great. Yeah, what happened with the CANNIS paying gifts? Oh my gosh, I don't even know. I didn't even know there was one until somebody sent me one and I was like, there's a gift out there. That's dumb. So this is a gift, like Gif, Uh Huh, and people. So I call it Jeff Jeff. Okay, like the peanut butter. I'm the soft gee, the correct boy. Hey, hard feelings about that word. Okay, so Jeff, Jeff Jeff. So, so what happened? To tell us about this stolen identity. What happened? What do you eat? What are we talking about? I can't remember. You said that there was somebody that did a canus pain jiffs. Right, you had a still an identity. I was reading it when I was going through your book and you said that, like you find out that somebody out there is like posing as you. They're texting your friends. Oh yeah, yeah, okay, sorry, I was just context. Yeah, sorry. So what happened? How did you find out? How did this whole thing go down?...

Because I'm sure one day you're just sitting there and your friends are like, what's going on? Why are you sending me these messages? Well, what's funny is that was the first time like it's actually become like a kind of a normal thing. Maybe once a year or twice a year I get somebody trying to either pretend to be me and create a new page and take my photos from all of my socials and put them on a new thing. Oh, like, that's kind of normal now. Like if you have, I guess, so many followers, they see the ability to you know, kind of engage as followers. It maybe our dormant and so they'll create a dummy page that kind of looks like you, or maybe they'll replace the eye in your handle with the one to see if you will notice it or not, you know, and then they'll just try to get whatever their little scheme is. I don't know, I don't really care. I just block and report. At this point I just basically go not me. So we're looking at you or talking to you. People just don't do that. It's not cool. Yeah, or I mean I guess for me that I doubt it's anybody that's listening to this podcast is doing that. Let's just be honest. It's probably some people out there that they're like, here's the only way. In my mind, it feels so desperate, do you know what I mean, because it's just kind of like this is the only way that I could make money quick or convince somebody to follow me or to create this little whatever, and it's just dumb. It's just dumb. So that's what I have to look forward to. Well, yeah, I mean sure, grow it, grow it and then block and report. Yeah, I wonder what Weird version of young, married Christian they would put up, like Oh, daddy would which the lane even don't give them my guess, you know, don't even give him the idea. Yeah, now, crazy. Now, before you were you know, canis pain and everyone knows who you are and you go viral before that. And you went to college for Music Theater. Correct. Yeah, yeah, sure did. What was your hopes and dreams like getting that degree? What were you wanting to do? What were you wanting to be? What was that aspiration for you or that look like. I started off as music education, actually awesome education. Yeah, and I get to the point in my degree where I'm now starting to observe classrooms and go through putting my hours in the actual rooms with students, and I was just thinking, this is such a noble profession for somebody, you know. And then every time I would say that in my mind it would be for somebody, for somebody, I just never really felt like for me, like it was something that I wanted to do and continue on in. And so I thought, well, I'm just going to switch over to music theater. This is I just feel like entertaining and making people laugh at something extremely fun and I feel like I can do it probably the rest of my life, you know. I know my parents are like, no way, everybody's like that's not sensible, and really it wasn't, it was it, but I just knew that I wasn't necessarily fit to be in a classroom day in and day out, that that wouldn't be something that would probably spark my joy for the rest of my life. Not that I don't like helping people. I mean obviously I find myself on this side of the curtain. You know years later and I'm teaching in a very different way. I have a larger classroom than what I would have ever imagined from that moment, and not only that, I'm not specialized in music or theater to teach that. So that's kind of like a thing that I had to break out of as well. But I actually never finished my degree. I left at the end of my junior year. Yeah, so, so I actually was like that was great. I spend a lot of time doing the school of hard knocks, you know, the the learning life. So and yeah, I we should say God blessed teachers. Thank you for what you do. I tried it for three years. It is very hard. This past year of two thousand and two thousand and twenty one, I don't even know how they've managed. You know my kids, they have just finished their school year and they had their classrooms. Half of the students were in person, half we're at home on zoom lessons, and so the teachers were having to teach in person and online at the same time all day long, and so that's where you just go. These people are superheroes and amazing and I just felt like every single teacher gift that I would come across, I'd be like, yeah, let's just add it to the basket. I don't even know. I don't know how much is racking up, but they deserve it. They deserve it all. That's just go you know, they really do. And probably good thing that you had a little bit of college for, you know, music education, because God was preparing you to be a teacher in two thousand and twenty. Yeah, oh my gosh. Sure there's a lot of parents that wish they would have had a little bit of like, Oh my goodness, like what do these people do all day? Like yeah, yeah, yeah, tears over many computer screens and and me being like listen, I had to tell my my...

...administration at our school we just don't let our kids on the computer. Like we the Internet's a dangerous place, like it doesn't forgive, it doesn't forget, right, I know that better than anybody. And so for our kids, screen time is crazy. They've had more screen time this year than they've ever had in their entire lives, and so our our hope this summer is to actually reduce a lot of our screen time for this year. You know. So, yeah, probably probably good thing. They're probably out right now and in the lobby on screen. Yeah, they are. They are. Sorry, I'm winning. I'm winning at life doing that goal right now. I've been irony. I'm being a catalyst to their screet time. I apologize for that. So, going back to your music theater, for me and my mind, yeah, as small as it is with music theater, I always think when I hear somebody's in Music Theater Major, I think of you're going for Broadway right, or you're going to come down and work for Mickey Mouse, because I mean being here in Orlando, you know. I mean we have dancers and singers, all kinds of performers here in Orlando. Were you trying to go down one of those vendors or did you have something else? My ultimate dream was Saturday night live. I mean like I I grew up watching Saturday night live with my family and the very first time I heard about Chris Farley, my mom was in another room watching TV and I was in my bedroom and she goes hey, hen, hen, you got come in here, there's a guy on TV that looks to next just like you, and I was like what, and I go into the living room and I'm watching Matt fully in a van Byra river for the very first time and I was like, oh my gosh, this is awesome, you know. And so everything that he started to do I would just, you know, zone in on. And Tommy boy came out when I was in high school, you know, all these Chris Farley things. Just felt like yes, I could do that, I could actually do that with my life. Let's go on SNL. I'm already right and skits in my head twenty times a day. You know, I have two things that I do when I wander off in dreamland. It's designed stupid tshirts and it's right skits for nobody, you know. And so I thought, let's do that with my life. That's that sounds amazing. Merch and and just skits. Let's go, you know, and that's that's really my hope was to somehow do comedy of some sort with improvisation and stuff like that. Awesome. Now, do you have any kind of Chris Farley impersonation? Did you master that? It's scary good. It's very good. It's like, if you saw me even that, like I just naturally talk like that when I'm being silly, and it's like, you know, the Chris Farley show. Do you remember that? It's a skid that he did on SNL when he would have his own show, but he'd be so nervous and all he would talk about was having a guest and asking him with a they remembered the famous things that they did. So as a famous person, that would be like nightmare. It'd be held a recount like all your famous scenes that you're known for, and that's all he would do in his interview. So he just real, like you remember that? We were that time when you're like with on, you were, you're fighting bad guys and stuff, awesome, you know. They would be like yeah, that's what I did, you know. And so I mean like when I saw him doing those kids and being himself, I was like yes, that is as one hundred percent. It's how I felt around boys. It's how you know what I mean, like I feel like I'd be talking to a guy that was hot and high school and I think he's don't know, we're gonna um like Saturdays, we have friends and stuff that we're we're seeing a movie, doing that, and they'd be like yeah, are you wanting to go on like a group date? Yeah, and Damn me, awesome, you know, and that's how you and Chris Mett. No, no, we'll get to that later. We'll get to that, but the rest of this interview, I hope you know, is now going to be that. It's just going to be me asking and Chris wanted to tell us. Oh, oh, yeah, so horrible. My Som just like a nasally kid in a locker. That's it. Was a definite, definitely distinction between your voice and the impersonation. Like, I don't know what happened there, but that's always how it is. My impersonation is different. It's just unaccurate, UN accurate, or it's not accurate. Not Accurate, gotch it's not accurate. It's never accurate. So have you ever thought about taking that like dream of SNL and turning it into something where? I mean, like, as a Christian, I watch SNL and I love it, but then there's also those times where I'm like man, some of this stuff is pretty crude, over the top, a little too much, and I would love to be able to like sit down and have like an SNL that I know is going to be skit comedy, but like clean skit comming. I ever thought about to I mean we've had jared on the show, we've got Shama coming in. Have you ever thought about tag teaming with some other hilarious Christian...

...people? Oh my goodness, and just like doing something like that. Has Ever been thought like? What would that look like? Ever been a thought? That's like my dream every day now. When Chewbacca mom stuff happened, there was a moment where I had to quiet everything and just kind of sit and think what is going to come from this, and I remember thinking, okay, there's things that I know that are opening for me right now that I could walk into. A lot of those things I've done over the past five years. I've done the authoring, I've started speaking, I've just really I mean I have a website. That's dumb enough. Let's just start there. I like have a website where people can go and find resources that I have. I didn't even like dream that up, but in my mind, if we're going to go, you know, take the top off of the lid and let's just dream the biggest thing you can dream of. I just don't see very many women late night shows that are killing it, and especially ones that are late night. But that could be fun. Exuberant and if your kids are up accidentally, come on, come on in the room, let's laugh. I grew up watching the Carol burnet show. I grew up, you know, laughing hysterically at Yeha or not Yeha? What's it called? Heha? Which one is it is? He Ha, he haw? There we go. What Ye you know? Is it? Yeah, I think yea, it is it. My family was on that show. No, they weren't. Yeah, they literally made a joke about them. They are like Kyana, Indiana population. The have family. You're like. That was like my cliff playing the band like son. Just so you know, we are, we are he'll billies. Yeah, yeah, yes, yeah, yeah, and then I also had, you know, I mean, these these moments where I would look at Johnny Carson doing these little sketches before he'd have a guest out, and the Ed Sullivan show with creating new space for upandcoming artist and talent, and then snl that would have this sketch vibe. So I started really thinking if I was going to do anything with the multiset of talents and capabilities that I would have, I'd want to create a space that at any time you turned it on whether late or early morning or you're rewatching. It would be a place for fun, for laughter, for entertainment, for highlighting people that are doing incredible things through art and music and just be a place that you could literally find yourself wrapped up enjoy and you're like, I can't wait to watch that. Now I look at contemporaries like Kenness, James Gordon, that guy. He infuses his personality, Jimmy Fallon. They just infuse who they naturally are and do these fun games. Even Ellen, you look at her with the the branding that she's done, of creating brand new games that are gameplay. I mean like it's just taking these moments and saying, let's have fun and I'd love to have some sort of comedy s Atch, late night show. When it's all said and done, like that would be the ultimate dream, and I don't know if that's a Christiany vibe that you'd want to put on it, but I would say that it's. It would be a place that would just be honoring to what fun and joy and comedy is, instead of satire and really making it to the point where you devalue anybody or anything else. Like I think our sense of humor right now is so jaded, like our sense of humor as a society over here in America is either satirical to the point of we are being such jerks to show you an exaggerated lens of what you really are, and we just need some truthsayers and places that I'll stand up and say it instead of joke about it, you know, because obviously the jokes aren't really helping us. They're becoming jeers and we're not finding many people cheering, you know. And so the comedy that I would love to see is actually being able to enjoy a moment of fun that's physical, that's not that's ironic. You know, these things that are built on characters. Let mean that's the beauty of old school sml are these characters that you would just fall in love with. I don't know. I mean we impersonated the Spartan cheerleaders when I was in high school, you know, for youth banqueted church. I remember it and who did it, didn't write who didn't. So I mean like there's things that we can take from what we've seen and really make it an I hate even use in the word clean, clean comedy, because I really just feel like, you know, dirty comedy. I still, to be quite honest, my Christian friends are going to get mad. I appreciate it because I'm like, you're at least pointing out something that we need to identify or that you're like, nobody's going to be able to talk about this, so I'll be the first to say it. Comedy does something that it a lot of people forget and it breaks down walls, it breaks down barriers. So, even if it's dirty, it's hitting something that goes we're not speaking about this...

...and I'm going to be the first one to talk about it and let's open up that conversation. Well, why can't we do that in a way that does it honoring to other people? And two subjects and topics that we're afraid of even tackling within the church, within faith believers, within other you know, sections where we have discrimination and we have bias. You know, I mean, let's go there. So I'm not I'm not upset about that, but I'm also not very intentionally going I want to safe club for Christians. I'm done with that too, righte like. We don't need any more country club Christian places for us in this world. Not at all. And and I would a hundred percent agree with yeah, yeah, that's damaging. And do you say that for any certain reason? Is there are a particular thing for you, like in the back of your head of why you're like no more of this, no more of this, like just putting the Christian box around things? Well, I mean, like, I could talk about my church trauma for five hours. What do we got? I mean, like I'm just saying, like every time that we segregate and we come together for the intense and purposes of making something for ourselves. That's not the definition of what the verse talks about when it says be holy because I am holy. You know what I mean? Like we think, well, I'm trying to be holy here, so I'm eliminating everything else and I'm creating this space to be holy. Well, here's the problem with that thought. We create a space, that's our space, with our intentions, our thoughts and our directives, but the real reality is is we can only be holy when we're in the presence of God. He says you can be holy because I'm holy. So if we try to create any place outside of him to have this holy Vibe, it's still not, still not meeting the mark. It's missing the mark all together. And yet we like to claim those things as well. At least they're trying to be so clean and awesome and holy and wonderful and safe, and I'm sitting here going well, I don't have a safe God, I have a very honest God. I have a God that didn't leave out the historical truths and scripture and he didn't leave out the failures. You know what I mean. Like we love to elevate Christian Rock Stars and be like they're doing so great, and then when they mess up, then we trash them, you know, trash him and throw them away. And my thought is, is you get Solomon Y'all, God, let us see the end of his story was trash, it was garbage and he still wrote it word for word, for truth, for what it was. And we just don't understand really what the holiness of God is. It's it's, yes, a separation from what our carnal, in our flesh, desires, right, but it absolutely is infused with truth and justice and, like all the things, it doesn't hide. And I feel like our Christian clubs that we create or whatever we do to try to kind of segregate ourselves. It creates this atmosphere that's not holy because we're not being truthful and we're not having justice. As a matter of fact, in our in our little clubs that we create, we're creating elitism and we're creating these other things that are really against the character and nature of God that promote favoritism, MMM, and nepotism in a lot of places. And so I'm sitting here going, y'all, we're missing the mark on what it's like to actually see the holiness of God. I'm sitting here praying, like Jesus, did your kingdom come? Not Me Create your kingdom wherever I want to and invite whoever in I want to. But let me pray. Hey, your kingdom, come on, come on, and if it's here, let's go, you know, open up the doors. Yeah, yeah, if if I was going to create something, I definitely wouldn't want it to have a Christian ee feel and I really wouldn't want the secular world to feel like, oh, that's just Christian. I'd want them to feel invited. I love that. Yeah, it now you were talking about a space for a wild while. You were talking about all and then you just switch to like, yeah, it'd be nice to have just like one little like show, but it sounds like for a while you're talking about like a channel like cannas pain. I don't know if, if you like, can's pain's joy network, you know, and it's just like twenty four our joy filled in entertainment. So is this an interview? We're just dreaming up stuff because let's go, let's go. I mean now, that's what I'm that's what I was envisioning and my head when you were talking through all of that, was just like all day long. If you turn on that channel, Dude, yeah, you're getting good content. It's not necessarily Christian content, but it's good quality. Yeah, is there a better word to use than clean? I don't know, but I feel like there has to be. I washed. I've watched this content and I don't feel like safe. Is it too because here's the deal. I'm going to it's probably going to tick some people off, but I don't care. Let's get at this point. My my idea of when we say that we want something safe for the family, we're already assuming that your family is on the same level of every conversation and that's just not true. I'm a grown woman that's been married for nearly twenty years, and so I can have conversations with my friends, with my close people, with the with grown up other people, about my sex life in my marriage. I can have conversations that are deeper about topics that we can uncover that I don't do in front of my children because...

...their maturity level is not there. I mean, here's the deal. Exposure to anything like that, whether it be through something they see or hear or misunderstand it, actually has a correlation of changing their perception of their relationships and how they need to move on in their life as well and what they're seeking when they start going through puberty. So it's just it's just the idea that you can have mature and immature conversations like and that's where I see clean, safe all those words just don't meet the mark, because some of the people that are going to tune in their mature and can handle a conversation or a show that deals with a topic that maybe taboo, and then some people are like, I'm just not there yet. I'm just trying to one hund one, trying to discover this part of my relationship with God. I don't even want to dive into that yet because I think that they'll jack up with the things that I'm already thinking here. I've got to get through this, I've got to get through this Christian puberty aspect and figure out this intimacy before I can even tackle that thing that you're dealing with, that you've already had twenty years experience with. But we don't even like to acknowledge that in the church. But yet it's scriptural. I mean Paul Straight up talks about if you're you know, those of you who have already obtained all this, keep doing what you've done and if you're on something else, then stay there. I totally butchered that. It's in Philipia's three. Let me look it up. I can't handle that. I can't handle that. It's going to drive me. Not all who are spiritually mature agree on these things, and if you disagree on some point, I believe God will make it plain to you. But we must hold on to the progress we've already made. And so this is what I'm saying, is that a lot of people we just feel like, if you're mature, hang with me, in this conversation. But some people that are mature have have something that actually makes us feel like I disagree with that. Well, you may disagree with it because of immaturity, because you've not seen the faithfulness of God in that level. And so it's just saying if you've already found this to be true, wherever you're at, hey just remain there and keep on pressing on towards that goal of knowing Christ, Jesus. That's really the main goal. And so if you can find something that makes that content not necessarily clean, safe, all those kind of words, but that hit the different points of the maturity of a person that's in their relationship with God trying to seek him, and it doesn't matter. Actually have content all the way across the board to where you can join in at any point of that. Me I know when a show isn't for me. I turn it off for sure. So why can you? Why does everything for every Christian have to be the same? Oh, preach, so it doesn't, and we're just and that's immaturity for me when I see that, when I see people arguing over well, this doesn't, this doesn't really hit what I'm going through. And did you forget about these people here, and I'm like, why does every story have to put yourself in it? Why do you have to enter debts narcissism, so narcissistic Christianity is elevated and we all argue about the things that. Did you forget me in this story? Did you forget me here? We've long to become familiar with the idea of interjecting ourselves into storytelling instead of just appreciating the story for what it is and seeing the goodness of God. And so until we can learn that as the church and get out of that in the way that we create art and content, we're just not going to be able to function as as somebody that says we are out of a Christian club and we just got to get out of the Christian clubs. You know, it's not about you, it's not about your member card, it's not about your members only jacket. You know, who could? Who could care? Right? It's about much greater things in you. I love that. So, yeah, I well, I look forward to this joy network, or calling it I feel like that. That amongst I mean, you're an impersonator, you can speak, you've got your podcast like you are a jack of all trades, like I feel like it. You know that meme that's like people's resumes. Nobody Colin and there's like another and it's like cannas pains and it's just like crazy things on your resume, like the fact that you have defeated Bop it. That's right, I one bop it the other day. I didn't even know it was possible. Like, you defeated Bob it. You Crochet hats. Yeah, stupid, like you grandma already. It's I'm a grandma at heart, I swear. I bat cookies and Crochet at only if I don't have to run. And then I like name something out of Blady. We tennis, got that, Gotcha, Gotcha. So, but I mean I feel like you could almost do like an Eddie Murphy style, like channel, or it's just Canda's pain, to all these different thing like, wait, wasn't that lady in the last show? Yeah, like, yeah, okay, just get me a great costuming person. That'd be awesome. Makeup effects and one of the things that you do, which I think your path could have definitely went down, and maybe you do have more of an in you, is singing. You are on the pop charts, number twenty seven. Yeah, that right. Yeah, itunes pop charts and you did a saw which I just throwing this...

...out there. Yeah, you could totally be see pain, like tea pain and just do a whole rapping auto tune career. Like yeah, yeah, if you and te pay like see pain, tea pain did a collaboration, you know, bring double to pain. Oh my God, house growing some Timberland. Yes, timber. It amazing. Have you thought about doing any more? I mean because you've already hit the podcast and you've done books, like, have you ever thought about doing an album? So, right now, with music, the way that I view that is it's a very personal outlet for me like to actually I still songwright. I songwrite probably three to five songs a month and I used to do a song or two every day, and so I've just got like just random songs that I've never like shared, you know, but it's something Cathartic and therapeutic for me to song right, and then, on top of that, I collab with different people. So I've written a children's worship song that I collaborate, collaborated with, and it's out there as well. I've been on a couple like Shane and chains worship initiative volume seventeen. I did stuff like that with them this past couple years. But really that's kind of more. It's these one offs that I've been doing just because I think the commitment it would take to actually promote music and to be a part of the music scene is something that I feel like needs to be on a back burner for the other things that I need to create. So I enjoy doing these one offs right now. Okay, so you're just kind of being like the black horse and jumping into these collabs with people, and people like, wait, Cannis pay can sing like shit, the voice of an angel. That's very, very sweet for you to say, but you know what I mean. Like now I'm forty two and I could honestly, honestly assess this. I sound like my mother when I sing to myself, like in my mind, like I sound like, okay, that's a mom singing, like I just I not to like put myself down, but I know that, like there are better singers that could even emote a song better. I think I'm a good storyteller and that's something I never gave myself credit for. So I'm a good storyteller through comedy, I'm a good storyteller through writing, I'm a good storyteller through podcasting, I'm a good storyteller through music and songwriting, but I always kind of thought that the songwriting was the avenue to get my talent out, but the reality was is. It's just turned the corner for me to see more clearly that music has just been an avenue for me to Storytell, and so I love collaborating and songwriting and I love being able to just be able to tell stories well through melody and music and the idea that you can feel an emotion that you can't otherwise when you read a book, when you hear a song. And I had a music teacher when I was in high school that above the piano it had the sign that said music is the only gift that we get to have from heaven here on earth and take back with us when we leave. And when you think of that, music is really something that is innately put into us, like when the Scripture says that we have eternity set in the hearts of Man. I believe that one of the things that God gives us as a tool to experience the eternity in us is music, because it's something that's already from heaven, that we have here and that we take back to heaven with us. And so music is something that it's just absolutely astounding to me how it touches people. I mean, for for patients with Alzheimer's and dementia. You could play them a song that they've known their entire life and they can't remember the face or the name of their own child, but they can remember lyrics to a song. There's something innately in us that connects with the eternity of God through music, and so I love storytelling through that medium. HMM. Do you think that when we get to heaven we're going to have to update like some of the Christians from earlier years? Guys, there are some new music or I don't know if it uploaded to your cloud over there, but we're like, we got to teach you some new jams. Well, there's there's a scripture that says that God sings the songs of Moses and then there's Zeph and I seventeen that says that he rejoices over us with singing and dancing and he will quiet us with his love and so I honestly, I mean I'm maybe a crazy Christian theorist here with this idea, but I think that God already knows our songs and he's been singing them before we even write them, because he stands outside of time. So songs that we've yet to acquire, like, he's already humming and he's already singing the lyrics to and I think it's even possible that we very much so, could have a whole host like that that Hebrews twelve saying that there's a great cloud of witnesses. I believe that there's people that are already singing the songs with us that we sing on Sunday mornings. You know, why is it that we latched one song and we start repeating it throughout the entire big C church? I think it's because it's cloud of witnesses that already is eternal is singing those same kind of anthems as well, you know. So I don't know. I mean music is just rad to me when I really start thinking about the impact that it has. Yeah, I always wonder, like which songs are going to make it into heaven because, I mean I I am a big fan of like Christian metalcore, and I can't imagine like slam dancing in heaven. I...

...also I can. Well, I mean'd be cool in my world, but I look at, you know, like my grandparents and like some of my Christian friends who, you know, are a little more vanilla or a little more like tame, and I can't imagine them just seeing me and like this group of people throwing down in heaven and then being like Oh yeah, that's okay, like, that's fine, like and it really think, okay, okay, come back, maybe they'll just join in. Do you really think anybody's gonna have that in us that goes, is this okay, we're in heaven? No, absolutely, now, absolutely that it's just going to be. But it's weird for me to think of that day because it's like in the church, you you hear one genre of music, it is usually it is usually that. You know, if I spotify and type in worship, exactly what is it, you know you're not hearing it. Like even Justin Bieber has done some like Christian type songs, DM dmx. Yeah, rest in peace. Did a you know, Lord give me a sign, you know, which is one of my like height yeah, Christian songs, I'm sure, is not on any Christian worship playlist. Uh Huh. And so thinking about like those artists, like where's their place going to be in heaven? I don't know. I went on a tangent here, dude. I'm with you now, because I'm like, don't forget Kanye and Lauren Hill. Yes, come on, Lauren Hill, he's just like the water. HMM. I mean, I want to hear that when I come through, you know. Yes, yeah, so, I mean like it's just like these Rando that we we once again it. This does go full circle. You thought it was random. This goes full circle to our idea of a Christian culture and Christian club mentality, because we say uniformity is unity and that's not the thing and we're not trying to be uniform in the way that we express our relationship with God, and we need to start looking outside of our uniformity and seeing these heart songs that are rising from other people that they're just singing truth, you know what I mean? So it's just like, I I think, the biggest kill joy for all like of this idea of creating like a Christian culture versus actually hearing the breadth and the width of just these people's hearts. To God. The biggest kill joy I have is when somebody says, Oh, you meant to say or you should say it this way, or you and that's the kind of comments I got growing up my entire life. I mean I would sit in Sunday school classes and we'd be reading the most Basic Bible stories, like David and Goliath, and I'd be like, Whoa, okay, let's think about this. What if? And they'd be like and I go off on like a tangent on something about the story of Day David and Goliath, and then I typically get met with a Sunday school teacher or somebody in the classroom. It goes well, we can't read that, that really happens, so let's not explore that idea or let's it was always met with a shutdown and I feel like we're too afraid of questions, we're too afraid of being seekers, and I'm just like, let's go. Like, I'm not afraid of doubts, I'm not afraid of the questions and I don't think God is for one second either. You know, take the the famous are you want to talk about a tangent. Let's go here for a second. Talk about the famous story of doubting Thomas. You know, here he is, last one on the scene to realize that Jesus is risen from the dead, and everybody's telling him, Hey, Jesus was here, and he's like, not until I see his hands and not until I put my hand in his side, then I'm not going to believe it. And we're like, oh, we're going to call this guy doubting coma is the reast of his life. You know what I'm saying? And here's the coolest thing about Thomas. The coolest thing is that when we really read scripture and you go through and you see that his name was also didymus, meaning twin, we say that Thomas is a doubter and that's why he was such a punk. Thomas Actually had the authority to mark the characteristics and differences between a fake and a counterfeit because he'd probably been doing it as a twin his old entire life, between him and his brother. And we never see that. We never see that. WHOA, here's this guy saying here's my doubts. No, he's saying, hold up. I know that people mistake me for my brother all the time. So unless I see Jesus his nails where they were and actually put my hand in his side, then I'll know it's him. And we here he is. We're we've got an authoritative figure saying I want to see the counterfeit versus the authentic one, and we call him a doubter. And God created him that way, as Denimis the twin that, at the end of the day, would go my Lord, my God, and actually, when you look at the Greek it means Lord of me, God of me. That whole story about Thomas is about his identity actually being somebody that was strong and strengthened to know the difference between one fake and one...

...reel, and we like to just label them really fast and quick and go gut. Jesus told you stop doubting and believe, so you must be a stupid oughter. and Jesus is telling him, Hey, hey, hey, you've only seen your identity versus your brother's identity, your holy life. You've only seen the fact that I'm here or I'm said, or that I'm maybe a ploy from the Romans right now to start a riot. But look at me, you didn't even ask, and I'm telling you, here's the proof you need. You know, God will always meet us at the point of our doubts and our discontent and he will always give us the tools that we need to be able to see the truth, and I think the church is just a little bit behind on that. Being okay with saying, let's go, let me have my questions, let me have the things that are going to actually spur me on to know the truth and the authentic God that we serve. Hmm Yeah, man, that was awesome. Well, I didn't meant right. That was like a start. What I could have done. Yeah, I was like, yeah, pot kidis needs to have her own podcast, and I was like, Oh, wait, she does. I'm like, which, we could go into that. That is actually how I know you can sing, like I know that we got this whole music tangent of singing, and that's how I knew, like I'm listening to your podcast that I'm like bring it. I'm like, Oh, here's the little jingles. That sounds a lot. I can't wait. That is candace singing his little jingles in the twin is and I'm like, oh, that's that's like angelic. I listened to it and thought to myself, and I told you this, it was just like one of my other podcasts that I love, the WW radio show Luman Jello, and because it was like section to be like these fun like like every couple minutes it was like, Oh, I'm in this new world, I'm in this new place and and being the Disney guy that I am, I was like, cannis pain is like the real life Mary poppins. She turns, she turns everything into a game. Like you have that ability. You you're like, okay, let's see, I've got three marbles and a rubber band, and then you have this like new sport that you've created and like Oh, like the whole time, which I hope you appreciate that we're not buzzing you on. Every Christian needs work. This, this threehour interview, would turn into like a week log interview if I was buzzing you. Yeah, but how has that experience been with the podcast? What gout you started doing it? It's been great listening to it. It sounds like you guys are having an amazing time doing it. But what does that have been like for you? Oh well, you know, I had nothing in my agenda to start a podcast. It wasn't like, Oh, I'm I'm speaking and writing, so next natural progression, let's do it podcast. So this is after your books? Yeah, this is after books. The podcast itself is about only two years old and we've already had three seasons. Yeah, it will be two years old in September. So we haven't even made it to two years. But Jenny randalls my cohost, and she actually reached out to me, which this is a common thing if you're an author. You reach out to somebody and say, Hey, would you look at my book and possibly endorse it, or at least you know, just let me know some thoughts that you have if this is a good thing. Now, sometimes, but it she reached out to you. She reach out to me about it book because she was writing. Oh, I thought you'd say, can I endorse your book? No, no, she was writing a book and wanted to get my opinion on it, and I filter through several of those consistently a week, and so hers actually look different. It look creative and colorful and fun, and I was like this lady's fun. This is what I can identify with. Like fast, like pink. That's fine. As your people? Yeah, she's my people, and so I was like, not only do I want to endorse it, like, I'll write a little blurb for it. Let's go. I said, this is great. So I didn't know where from. Adam, right, who the heaven is this? Like right, right, and so she just reached out after that, probably three months later, and she goes, I just noticed you don't have a podcast. What do you think about this idea of just do them one together? What what do you think? And so I was like, well, let's just kind of talk about it. Little did I know that she's an Emmy Award winning editor, you know. And and so I'm sitting here just like, Oh, you, you're the real deal. Let's go, and we just started dreaming up some ideas and we said, well, what's a felt need in the podcast world, because we just don't want to create one to create one, and so we named it shut the should up. It's this idea of finding freedom from the things that we tell ourselves we should and shouldn't do. Because if I have one nemesis to joy one, if I had to pick one, there's lots, but if I had to pick one, that is the nagger on every single person. I know it's should have, could have, would have, and I mean like everybody lives there for far too long. And so we were like we could do an incredible podcast on this idea of tackling that idea that says I should do this and say no, let's get free from that idea. Should us is a four letter word, and so we kind of make it seem like that in our title, shut the show up, you know, and you got to say it's slow, or else people really write US nasty things. The first time I heard I was like, yeah, this was...

...a Christian author. Right. You're like, what's going on? What's going on? And I guess you could have named it shut the wood up, because I just sounds like you're like trying to hate on the trees, right and or something vulgar. I mean it's a horrible just don't even so, I mean, no, no, you're never safe. You're never safe. So I mean, don't matter what you try. So we get hate mail either way. So we're like let's just go with it. Shut the should so we started doing this podcast and dreaming of what we wanted to do, and we're going to be in our fourth season coming up this fall and we're still, honestly, at the point where we're revving up to what we really originally dreamed. So we kind of had to lay some we talked about this all the time, some railway track for this first three seasons. We had to garnish people that would want to listen and understand, get to know our chemistry and our friendship feel as though we're informing and entertaining at the same time, that were inspiring at the same time. And then we also wanted to bring in some incredible authors and other celebrity guest which we did all last season and did it live, you know, record it live. So we feel like we are now at the point where we're producing a fun, engaging, inspiring show, but we were just wheels off season four. It's about to come, so we're excit sided for it and it's been a blast. And what's your like biggest mission? What are you really trying to collish? I feel like after three seasons you probably now know like, okay, this is what we're trying to do. Yeah, we well, I can tell you what we want to accomplish by what we don't want to accomplish. Okay. We don't want people to just feel as though they're hearing information the second or third time, that this is a thought they've already thought and I'm just expanding on it. We want people to feel as though when they listen into an episode, that they're challenged and inspired to change something in their life. That way they can find freedom. And really that's where it boils down to. You know, there are so many things on a daily basis that we say that we should be doing and it's it's even subliminal in our own lives. So like, for example, as a mom. Let's just start it base there. I should be a better mom, just that statement alone. Where do you go from that? When you feel the weight of thinking I should be a better mom? There are some practical things you can do to actually be a better mom right and then there's some things that you will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, be able to do that you're trying to live up to, and that's okay for you to say. I need to release that and actually walk into the freedom of saying I'm going to do what I can and what I know how to do right now. And we forget that God gives us grace for every single moment and he gave us a kids that we have. I don't care if they're bonus kids from a marriage that was from something else that in your life and now that you're you're like, wow, I'm a bonus mom here, that's awesome, or whether they're a rainbow child that you're like, I've prayed and lost other children in this one. Man, I got to just get it right because this is my this in my fifth chance and I'm finally getting to do it and I want to be perfect at it. There's so many expectations that we put upon ourselves. Or whether you're like me, you're like, I didn't even know that I had complications with having kids till after I'd had them, and now I have them here and I have two living miracles and I just don't want to Jack Them Up. I always said before I even had kids, I just don't want them on a couch in a psychiatrist office talking about me when they're thirty. You know, I just don't want to be the reason for most of their therapy. If I could just kind of do that, I'll be successful. But I think we have so many things that are in our heads. That's just one should and I'll imagine the millions that go and spoken. That govern how you live your life, how you respond to other people and relationships, how you plan your career. Most people won't step out and dream anything because they think I shouldn't even think that I can do that. Shut that should up. You know what I mean? Like that's where I'm like, shut it down, put it away. Why not tell me why? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've been saying the phrase ever since listening to like shut the shit up, Shit like. Sometimes I'll just scream it to myself and I car like that showed it up, and I'm sure people in traffic are like that guy's crazy, like I am, but I just shut that show up. You just say them me. Yeah, yeah, trying to mouth it through the window gets lost in translation quick. One of the things I love most about what you're doing with that podcast is how much interaction you have with your listeners, and you know your building this community, Yep, and and you're like taking their actual feedback putting it in the show. Has there been one that you can think of? I'm sure this is very hard to like choose just one, but a listener that maybe like sent in a video or sent in an email or anything that really has affected your life, that has impacted you, you know, because I'm sure that some fans it's like you read their stuff or you see their some oh that's...

...nice. Yeah, but then sometimes, like people that, I mean you're not expecting it, to come and hitch it and you're like Oh wow, and I mean you'll be sitting there, may be in tears. Yeah, or it's just like this person has no idea, you know what they just did to my life for for my life. Has there been that yet? If there is, we would love to hear it. Like elaborate. I do know that I don't ever want to get to the place in my life where I'm too familiar with those kind of conversations that you hear, Oh, this change my life, and it becomes a familiarity phrase, because we do get a lot of people that ride in and say I really wow, that impacted me. This is good. That, for us feels really warm and welcoming. But I got to be honest with you, the thing that kind of leads me to think this is life changing, this is awesome, is in season two we had one sponsor for our entire season and they were a sponsor that was a nonprofit that has an orphanage in Africa, and so every episode we just do a blurb. We'd either do, you know, a front ad or a post ad or a mid roll, and then, you know, we talked about them in our content that we'd post on socials. We saw that children were being adopted and sponsored at thirty dollars a month and one lady wrote to us and just said, I finally have a kid. I haven't been able to have kids and this is the one that I'm going to sponsor and God just gave me this child through this organization. Those are the kind of things that go this transcends you giving me a compliment about how I inspired you. This transcends about my content gave you pause to think and Change Your Life. Not that that's not valuable, but when you can say that, it rolls onward to affecting a child that's in Africa for the rest of the trajectory of their life, getting them out of poverty and giving them education and medical needs met. That kind of stuff makes you pause ago I'm doing something worth while. That right there makes me go h that I'll do the rest of my life, you know, because here's the deal, most information that we consume, it can be valuable for us for a good little season and it can help us through a rough time. But you can also forget that. We're so quick to forget. But if you can say I'm actually doing something with justice and with something that will change somebody else's life besides mine, think of that role that happened. I mean it rolled on to a listener, then it rolled on to action, to a child, and then that's going to roll on to what we don't even know yet. That right there is a kind of stuff that makes me go that's worth it. Let's keep going, you know. But if it was just to make me more popular, get more followers or make my blue tick up here on any of my socials or, you know, have some better reviews on Amazon, that's not worth it. You know what I mean? At the end of the day, I'm I've got twenty years left before retirement age. I'm not going to care about Jack Squat with that, none of it. To be quite honest, I don't probably care about it enough as I should right now with people that manage me, you know, they're like, Hey, we're Gonn your social media like Hey, no, I have kids to raise and I gotta get my dogs to stop barking. But I just I see that if it's valuable and it's long term and it shifts and chains lives and it can break chains of generational crap for somebody else in poverty, let's go. Let's do that. You know, you are literally talking straight into like our mission. Wow, for young Mary Christian, I mean it's the fall reason I left what I thought was my dream job working for Disney, and you know, literally I was like what job better than to just talk to people about Disney all day and help families grow closer together? And then, James, we eat at this. It's like a Louisiana Style Walk Offs Plate. It's like Louisiana ub almost kin like. It's like a Louisiana be dubs, the links. So we're sitting there and I mean I've chatted with James a couple times and like hung out with him a couple times before that, and I mean we're like sitting down and immediately hand on leg, looks me in the eyes and animals has intimate. I mean it's a visual guy. Ashley is right next to me. So I'm like, he knows, he knows, and he's married. Yeah, you know, he looks to you and I and he's like, I want you to be a podcast. So said. I was just like, where's the hidden camera like that? Yeah, like this is not for me. And at first you, I was like, yeah, I don't really care about leaving Disney for anything right now. But then when he told me the mission, and just like you said something that it matters more than your life. It it is bigger than what you are and when he was like, you know, hey, or want to do this podcast to be able to help get every foster kid into a Gospel Center home, Dude, and which we've partnered with lifeline children's services. And that's the whole reason we do this whole text, you know, the number eight, three, three, three, seven, hundred and sixteen, ten...

...two, to be able to get people on that track like that. That's kind of our hope. That's why we, you know, bring people onto the show to be able to let people know, like there's four Hundredzero kids in the foster care system, which is the exact same number of church is in America. Yeah, so, yeah, kids on the foster care system, same as churches in America. So literally one family per church could adopt Adam, could adopt Xavier, could adapt adopt Amanda. Yeah, Dapt our foster you. Yeah, Zoalika, like whatever that child is. Yeah, bringing them in could, I mean, like you said, change that kids life forever, like the thirty dollars a month you say, can Africa to be able to make sure that kid is not only going to have a better life, but maybe even just survive right, that that kid will have life. And when he told me, like that's our mission, I was like, let's do it. Yeah, and like for those people that are sitting there listening in their car, at home or on the lawnmower or whatever they're doing, you know, if you stop this podcast right now and you open up or you can keep listening whenever if you want to pause, or you just text, open up your text message and you type in that number again. Eight three, three, seven, hundred six ten. You just type the word freedom. It's going to give them three options. They can pray, partner, participate it. Campas is pulling perphone right now. She's like, I'm going. Chris is not in the room. He's like what? We have a foster child. Now what? But you know, the prayer, if they if they type and pray, it's going to give him a prayer challenge just to be able to like, you know, maybe for them they just need to they're in a season where they need to pray about this. Is this something that God's calling me to? If they type in partner, that's going to do get them connected with doing rapp around carriage, just like supporting other families that already have foster kids and then participate with actually get them connected with lifeline to be able to help them actually see what it looks like to bring in a child into their family. So that, for me, was the thing that was like, okay, I can leave Disney for for the destiny that God has for me. Absolutely and, and I feel like meaning you and hearing your story of like going from God, and don't take offense, but it's like, God, I'm a nobody, like I'm just hmm, you're a mom, I'm this Disney worker, we're doing our thing and all of a sudden God takes you and flips you, like so many people in the Bible, so many of the characters that we see go from nobody to being used in incredible ways. Yeah, and so that's that's where we're hoping. I don't know if fostering is anything you've ever thought about with Chris or anything you guys have talked about. Well, let me adjust something really quick. Yes, go for the first thing. You said, the nobody, and I don't want to offend listen, we use that phrase all the time, nobody to somebody, but the reality is is it was anonymous to known. And so the thing is is that there's really not a nobody, you know what I mean. It's hidden and it's spotlighted. That's really the difference. It's the only difference. And we're so used to saying, Oh, I was a nobody. The reality is I've always been somebody. I've always been somebody. There was just never a magnifying glass over my life for anybody to understand it until recently. And and and I would say the same thing of anybody that's listening, anybody that we're talking about, even that's in the foster care system. They're not nobody. They are somebody, but they're often too anonymous or too unknown or I just didn't have that highlighted. So I wouldn't have known their name and didn't even know about it. We think about why all these organizations exist to show us the life of an orphan or somebody that needs foster to adopt. It's because their name simply isn't known and the need isn't known, and so I think that it's incredible and noble what you're doing for foster and adopted so purey that you talked about that with Chris and I, because our best friends own an organization that their one goal is to pair the church with the state that they're in to be able to train and equip them to foster to adopt. So there are best friends. We financially support them, even just monthly, because we believe in what they're doing so much and so absolutely foster to adopt foster care is so important to our family. We see the idea that the church can step in and often is such an incredible resource for those families that are in turmoil, even if they don't need adoption and they just need fostering. They just need placement it. They need people that are willing to open their home and say, whatever season this looks like, just come on, we're going to be a safe place for you and we're going to be a place where you can find the love of God and find the love of a family and feel that for...

...a while or maybe the rest of your life, you know. So, whatever those conditions are, the church, for us it's not an option, right, it's something that we're commanded to do. True Religion is this James One, twenty and twenty one, you know, those who look after those who cannot look after themselves, the orphan, the widow, and so we just too often forget that that's part of what we sign up for when we sign up to be Christians. It's part of it, and so we don't have an excuse for why we're not doing it. So for us, we do not have the space or the time or the bandwidth to have another child in our house, let alone a dog or a bird or anything right. You know, I'm happy our kids are alive today that we're successful at that, but we do doing great. But we do have resource to be able to support those things. We do have. Even if we didn't have resource, the ability to pray and to most families can even get involved with respite care, get the training in your local state and be able to know what it's like to offer a family that's doing the hard work of fostering a date night. HMM, like if you just say hey, I'm respite care, I'm a safe person that the states approved of for me to Babysit these foster kids so that you can be a healthy couple for them, then you could even do that. And so, I mean there's so many things you can do with foster care that the church just isn't aware that how they can step in. And so our friends at or own this organization. They do that and they train churches and equip them, and so we love them so much. So we were very, very connected and very close to that as well. That's awesome. Yeah, yeah, that's kind of that partner step is like trying to figure out. Okay, yeah, you know, I'm maybe not ready for this or maybe that's not what God is calling me to, but I do want to help in a bigger way, in a physical way. So they jump in. You call it Respie. Yeah, respee care is actually like the terminology that most states when they have their own training that they do and they require you to go through. So we know that. We've been involved with churches that have partnered with the state to offer that training at their church location so that on a Saturday your local church sign up for the training, go do it, get qualified through your state and now you can have five or six families that are respite care trained and certified and do a mom's parents night out, date night out for only foster families on a Friday night and you've got trained workers that are approved by the state. Your church could be doing something to offer something to your community where you would never be able to bring in families that are doing foster care stuff. I mean like there's just so many ideas of what you could be doing to actually meet those needs a hundred percent, and they don't require you having to have a child come live in your home and take on the responsibility of becoming a parent to that child, because, I listen, I think that's everybody's first concern and fear is that I'm going to now become a parent and I'm going to have a child and that changes the trajectory of my home and it disrupts and disturbs sometimes even what I already have the birth order of my own kids, you know. And so there's those trepidations that may actually be a disruption and a disturbance that you're like, let's go, I'm looking for it. My Kid needs a sibling, you know, my kid needs some humbling with a step brother or step sister or a foster brother. Foster say, you know, I'm come on, like they need that. I just put in stepbrother and stepsister because I was thinking of like blended family. Sometimes, if you're thinking about it, go for it, call the girl. She may be who you need. Let's go. But just saying that sometimes it may not be that disruption in your home. It may just be a simple act of support of just saying, however, I can step in for the needs of those that cannot look out for themselves. I need to be a part of that. Yes, yeah, now, and and be able to just change that kids life. Yeah, and, like you said, not just that kids life, but like maybe that kids, kids and that kids, kids, kids, and I mean it's just generational, the amount of influence you are going to have and be able to create. And so that's our mission, one of our souls that we try to have with young Mary Christians be able to pull our listeners in and to be able to like see those people that they have been, you know, following, they've been listening to it, which is why we bring you on here and try to get them to be able to have an experience where they feel like, you know, like Oh man, I am getting to hang out with cannas pain or whoever it is for hours, and like, after they hit the end of this episode, they should feel like we are best friends with Cannis Plain. You know, and I'm sure that you know, it's like that, because everybody kind of had they want that meeting, that celebrity moment in life, or meaning that person that you know like Oh man, I would just love to me this person. But then it's like, let's take an example that I read in your book of where you didn't know it wasn't just you and one person, it was you and a whole place filled with it. I'm talking about...

...when you're invited to the CMA awards. Yeah, and I mean when I sat across from you, because for me, I'm you did say nobody, you said anonymous, anonymous. Yeah, so as this anonymous guy hanging out with people who are very well known. Now on the third episode, for me it's like, Oh, this is cool, like getting heavy down with these people. This is cool, but having a room filled with people like I would be just like what is happening? Did it feel crazy at that point? Because that was pretty was that pretty early on? That was in way early on. Yeah, okay, yeah, so you're still just like normal candace pain, like yeah, live in your normal light, and then all of a sudden here you are at this award show. How was that? Oh, it was. It was a nightmare in some respects. I mean like I loved it, but at the same time I was like, I've got it. We're doing a red carpet like that the loan. I was told prepare for a red carpet. It's formal and you're going to be on one little segment where we're going to pay to you in the audience during one of our little bits before we introduce somebody. So I was like, okay, that's cool. So I'm just thinking logistically what I got to prepare for. I got to prepare for a dress, which how many of those do my own right. So I went to lame Bryant because hey, they're upscale plus size lady, let's go, and still low enough that I could afford it, because I'm like, you know, I'm not getting money from Chewbacca stuff at all. At this point, you're still not making no, I'm not an Athor I'm not a speaker, I'm just going places that people invite me, and I'm like thanks for the plane ticket, but now that I'm here, there's forty ballet. Where's that coming from? You know, crazy stuff. I was like. Everybody's like she's making book off this, and I'm like, I'm spending more money than I don't have to be able to pretend like I've a long here stop anyway. So, like those first few months were just chaos and I remember thinking, okay, I'm going to buy a dress. So I bought a dress that I felt comfortable in, but then the lady that's so cute behind a counters like you need some spanks with that, and I'm like, who's excuse me, with spanks? You know? I'm thinking, Oh, I'm not into that, you know, and she goes no, I mean like you, it's garments underneath that hold everything together and they smooth it out, and I'm like, I've looked in the mirror. I don't know how we're smooth and out. I don't. I don't, I don't use the phrase smooth it out when I look in the mirror and think how we're going to smooth what out. And so I get spanks and I'm, you know, I'm thinking, I'm prepared, you know. I get to the hotel room, I've got maybe, you know, two hours. They're going to do my makeup for me. So I feel confident about that. I'm like okay, because I've done makeup maybe five times my entire life before then. Literally, I'm not exaggerating, like on one hand I could count how many times I've tried makeup and wedding day was one of them. Prom ifause another one. Three more was probably just by accident. And so I get the hotel room and I'm like, okay, I've got to be down there for this makeup lady to do my makeup. Okay, let's get the shower. I want to be smelling great, you know. And I get to the point where I've got to try on these spanks before I get my dress on, and I didn't realize there's like a cardinal rule that you have to follow, as you have to be fully dry, like not damp, not have any moisture on you when you are putting on spanks, and I mean like y'all, they just stick wherever that moisture is. And I'm just fully, fully, still damp for my shower, trying to put these spanks on and they're just getting tighter and tighter as I'm pulling them. And then, not only that, I'm trying to pull him up to the point that now I'm sweaty because I'm nervous that they're not going on. It's and now I'm sweating in places that have never really swept before and I'm sitting here thinking this isn't working. Yeah, I called my sister into the room and I'm like hell. She's like, you idiot, you need to put baby powder on it before you put it on if you're not fully dry, and I'm like, I don't have babe. Who has baby powder in their suitcase? And then if I did that, with the amount of moisture that still happen in here, just naturally I'm going to develop cottage cheese and places that shouldn't exist. It's thinking this is not going to work at all. Only yes, this is his whole fiasco. Finally got everything pushed in smoothed out, whatever that means, you know, all lady like, and then put the dress on and I'm like let's go, I'm ready. And the whole night I was just sitting there like frustrated about the dress and thinking about the dress, and then when I went into the sea of celebrities and Rando people, it just kind of made my mind forget about spanks and all the other things and I just literally had a blast that entire evening. She gets amazing people. Oh Man, yeah, yeah, I even got to go the afterparty that they don't tell you about. Oh what is this? After a party? Was this line is off location at an undisclosed place, and I had a ticket. So this is a thing that you...

...can't talk about, but I mean you can talk about there's just celebrities. They're just hanging out and being like hey, we didn't get to see each other and talk because we were working at the Sea of a's, but now we can talk and have some drinks and orders. So from that night, did you feel like that was something that kind of launched different interactions? Like you're able to like talk to is that like maybe when you talk to James Cordon or when you were able to connect with people that you were later to be like on their shows. or so that was before James Cordon. was before like, okay, James Cordon was like two or three days after the video went viral and you are already making millions. And No, no, no, I remember. I was just an idiot to travel. I mean, like I'm a stay at home mom that didn't really do anything other than just, you know, go back and forth from the school to home and, you know, maybe my favorite Walmart or target run. But I mean, like I just didn't know what it was like to fly. And so I had left Good Morning America in New York and had done an interview with entertainment tonight in the van on the way to the airport, which that was weird. They put you in a van and they're like bye to my sister and put her in a van following us, and I'm like I've been taken. Somebody Call Iam Neeson, you know. I's like I don't feel safe right now. And so I mean like I had had like this whirlwind of interviews that morning in New York and then I'm thinking to myself, okay, I'll have some time to sleep because that was GMA. That was early right, good mooring. Maria's early. So I'm going to sleep this whole flight from New York to La and then I'll get something to eat. Well, they offer a meal on the plane and I'm like no, thank you, I'm sleeping. And then now I've realized I've got on like twelve hours without eating because I didn't realize that the flight from New York to La was across the entire United States. Some found my mind. It just didn't make sense, so I thought it was just gonna be like an hour or so. Idiot right. So now I'm like starving and I land and we get on the CBS Studio Lot for James Cordon and people are putting on makeup on my face and feeding me a sandwich and putting a straw in my mouth and having me eat something, because I was like I might pass out. I don't know what we're doing next when I might passed out. I'm really hungry. And so literally that clip of me doing the Car Pool Karaoke, they gave me a script and they were just like could you do this, and it was stuffed. I'd already said in my video that went viral. So like yeah, that's how it talks, so we're cool. I think I can recreate that. And so I get in a I get in on the lot and they have like a van that looks like mine from home and and then I meet James Cordon. I'm like what is cool, and then we're doing in the car pool Karaoke little bit before the show and then Jj Abrams shows up in the backseat. I mean it was just like I should Jj Abrams as like the first thing I did because I couldn't. I couldn't like process what was happening. Like he was like trying to tell me, hey, I watched your video and I go any a second, like I literally just shushed him and told in my kneed a second and almost passed out. Could have been because of the lack of food, but I think it's just because it was JJ. So I'd had those encounters. So I'd had like Robin Roberts and James Cordon and JJ Abrams and all that, and then I found out I was going to meet Peter Mayhew while I was there at the James Cordon show, and so I knew that these doors were opening to be invited to tables that I normally wasn't invited at, and so celebrity became this idea of I could either meet these people and really just be a fan and and just like oh and awe and Google, you know, goggly eyes over everything they've ever done, or I could just be myself, because they've invited me and I could just be comfortable and confident my own skin and maybe share something with them that I'll make them happy. And so really that just kind of became like my whole personal motivation when I met whoever, is to not treat them any different than I would treat somebody that was waiting on me at a restaurant or checking my groceries or you know, and I think people just enjoyed being treated like people. So that's it's kind of the the mindset that I adapted. And and then by the time the CMA's came, it was just so much fun getting to meet people and and take pictures and getting to see who they were. Lauren Elena, the country artist, she comes in line behind me and she was like I wanted to meet you and I was like well, Hey, awesome, you know, and Sadie Robertson or Robertson huff. Now we were we were sitting like two seats apart from each other and we shared popcorn and eminem's and met that night and just became friends. You know, Doug the Pug was never right next to me. That was what I was most excited about. It made my sister so mad because I just kept on holding him and she was like you're getting pet for Oh, you're nice dress, and I'm like, I don't care, it's a pug. It needs some loving, you know. I mean, like I would just it was fun and enjoyable just to be around people and Meet New People, and I mean we photobombed Vince van a couple times. It was a blast and like pell spoke some incredible words to me just in passing, and so there was just stuff that was just happening at a fast, rapid pace, and if you get caught up in thinking that they're more than what they really...

...are, you'll miss the moment, you know, and that's kind of for everybody you know, and I say that in a big way, meaning that if you get caught up that your your boss is more than what they really are, you'll miss the moments that you can with them too, because your boss is just somebody that's authoritative, that gives you the instructions for what you need to do to make something work as a team, right. But you got to remember that that's not all that they are. You know, they've got a family to more than locked in, and and they're a person that has struggles, just like you and and it's just a how you treat people, you know. HMM, so that's awesome. Yeah, I feel like you know, I keep thinking back to the scripture, the parable of like the man giving the gold coins. MM, if you're familiar family luke, where I feel like with you. First of all, I think that, as someone who is in the Christian world, you were given an opportunity to a lot of people in that world don't get, which is that you blew up into fame from something that wasn't like a Christian thing. I'm so grateful for that too. Yeah, me too. Yeah, me too, because I think that that has helped you like get into at areas and spaces that maybe you know, others aren't necessarily into. But I think about like that parable is because I see a lot of people, whether it be they have a viral video, they go on a reality TV show, they do something that gives them the opportunity. It's like God is saying here's your coins, and then a lot of them. They have that fifteen seconds of fame and then it just kind of fizzles out. Yeah, they might get a few extra followers on their social media account, but for you to see how you have taken what God has given you, and I mean you have. Like when we were driving from dinner the other night, I fancy Ashley was saying to me, just like cannis pain is a hustler, that girl is a worker, that girl gets it done. How is like it's so true, like like you were given these coins and God is going to come back and be like, Oh, okay, like you own all of Bitcoin out that is pretty amazing. Like like I feel like what how you are living your life. If people see anything like number one, they should see like this girl is all about joy. But number two, this is what anyone can do if they are given the opportunity and chance, if they they take it and actually do something with it. If they don't just take that opportunity and bury it and then say, like you know what gout comes back like, Oh look, you know, I still have this fifteen seconds of fame that you gave me. Yeah, I think that for me it's this opportunity with the podcast, HMM, but for others it might not look as big as what the our opportunities were. But for everybody, I feel like they have something in their life that God gives them that they could say okay, God, you've given me this either opportunity, that's talent, skill, whatever it is, and they can either use it or they can bury it away. Yeah, which makes me wonder sometimes with how you. I mean you're, like I said, you're a Jack of all trades. was that ever a thought in your head of like maybe I need to just focus on one? Like yeah, I mean I was told by you know, I kind of shared this with you at dinner the other night, but I was told most of my life that I was a jack of a lot of trades and I needed to pick one because I wasn't mastering just one. And so if I had to pick, it would have been music and leading worship and singing, because I felt like that was probably the most talent that I had. So if it was most talent and the thing that I enjoyed most and let's go. But I never really found that I was doing that in a way that that was kind of beneficial to me, the creative stuff inside of me, and never felt like it was serving me well to abandon the other things that I was so passionate about as well. But I think here's or something that I heard in your language to that I kind of want to point out as a misnomer. We assume that the opportunity was taken advantage of, or the coins were given to me the day that video went viral. The coins were given to me the day that I was born, and so a lot of people are waiting for the day that they get their hand out from God and he's like check your bank, pull up the APP and look at the value that's already established inside. And the thing is is that most people don't know that I'd been spending and giving and using what God had given me all those days, not just when HBOCKA mom happened. And so everybody's like, let me find the hustle and let me find what you did in that moment to make all this other stuff happen, and I'm like, if you think this...

...just happened in five years. You're sorely mistaken. This is not just five years of my life. This has been living and following and letting the Lord lead, and we forget that when we're implanted and given gifts from the Lord. Here's the deal. We have the ability to spend and use or save and hide however we please, however we please. That's that's something that's so mysterious about God is our free will. It's so mysterious I don't get it. It actually Jacks up the church in theology more than anything else, the fact that we do have that free will thing. But what I do know is this, that free will, when it meets spear, it led, is where life really happens and we see actual stuff come from our lives at other people admire and want. And for me I've had lots of people ask me, well, what you do? I mean, you got books and you got just on your spooking and your whole life change and why? Why you for? It's a it's a video that's four minutes and I laugh ninety percent. It makes no sense that I should be having an intellectual conversation with anybody on a podcast for more than five minutes. Do you know what I mean? Like it just it literally doesn't make sense until you look at the choices that I've made my entire life to follow the Lord, like these moments that have been peaks and valleys where I've said I'm still going to stick it and I'm still going to walk with him, I'm still going to trust him, I'm still going to believe better about him. That what I feel then, what my experience dictates. You know, I could be a homeless kid at nine years old in a van literally by a river with my family. I did that in Chris Parley reference right there. I was homeless as a child, and yet I was able to see the goodness of God and discover joy for the first time at nine years old. And this is this is because there's an intentional following and trusting and training my mind to believe better than what I'm seeing here. And if you continue to do that, when opportunity comes and it opens, you can have a established relationship with God. To Go. Do I walk or do I wait? Do I do I stay or do I go? Because wherever you're leading, I want to be a part of that and I don't want to be a part of anything else. So what a lot of people don't understand too, is that opportunity when Chubaca mom happened just wasn't for books and speaking and teaching whatever. There was multiple opportunities and it could have gone any single which way. But I know that there was a continual leaning on the lessons I'd already learn from the Lord, which was leaning into him and where he was moving and going where he was going and following every step, you know, waiting when he said wait. That's like like a lot of Christians reached out to me that are my friends, and when they found out I was going to be on Good Morning America, they're like, this is your chance to share the Gospel. Man, just so proud of you because they knew that I love God and love Jesus. So they're like this is why. And they wanted to tell me my why, and I'm like, you don't get that. You don't get that voice to tell me the why of what happened. Only he does. And when I prayed about what do I need to do when I'm on national TV for video, trying on in store wars mask, laughing it up, I felt like the only thing that he gave me was you love whoever is your host and you be yourself and don't worry about salt and peppering my name, because I already know you love me like don't worry about casually throwing me, and that actually a little degrade my name. It won't elevate my name. This is about me elevating what God's doing in you, like he's using you. So go and so it was just so easy to walk some place and go. I have no pressure of fifteen seconds on a spot here to do a story about a viral video, to share the Gospel and see thousands come like a billy Graham Crusade. That's dumb. It's dumb. God was using what he wanted to use, which was the foolish things of this world to confound the wise. He was wanting to use a stupid laugh to make people go, Huh, let me learn more. And now, five years removed, I do have podcast content, I do have book content, I do have teaching available, I do have the ability to stand on stages and say, let's let's talk deeper about this, because I didn't devoid the voice that I've been listening to for years growing up and trying to follow. Now one perfect at it, but I would see probably about eighty five ninety percent of my life I've been obedient. You know, the rest, when I haven't, has really sucked. I've been real big failures, you know what I mean? Like that, ten fifteen percent was all I need to know. I was like, well, it didn't work without them. So I mean, you know, it's I just feel like we forget that faithfulness is actually the hustle. Faithfulness and obedience is the hustle. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom. It's like the fear of God. If this doesn't end, the fear of the Lord isn't don't think that God's a jerk squash in the plans for your life. Don't think that God's on his throne...

...going I don't want her to be happy at all. I want her to be holy, which, by the way, when did we start separating happy and holiness? Is Absolutely the dumbest theology we've ever bought into. If we feel like happy has separated from holy, we are sorely mistaken on the character of God. Like I do not see that. Our God says it's one or the other. It's absolutely fulfillment of the other. When you'll be holy, you're going to find happy, like it's just part of the deal. But for me I felt like, you know, grant it and Bart be happy. Uh, be holy, do it, be faithful, and I'm like this is okay, wait a minute. I feel like the Lord is telling me be faithful in the things, be small, big, whatever they are, and I'll find the completeness of joy, I'll find the goodness of him, I'll find that goodness and mercy that follows me all the days in my life to where when I screw up, he's like what Boooooo, I'm right here with goodness and mercy. I got it. Don't worry about that. You know, and I feel like most of us, we've just separated so many things in our lives from what the will of God really is. And it's not just for us. With the will of God is for us like just what his will is that we want to say, AH, I've I've got two choices in front of me. I got two choices and that's it. The road diverged and I chose the one less travel it was more noble. I'm like guys. Sometimes the road is wider and sometimes you jump on it for a little bit and then sometimes you do take the detour through the woods and in the narrow path. I'M gonna get people talking to me now about the narrow and the new gate the scripture. Calm down, I there's not a Bible story to correlate everything and every ill stration. This life is fluid and and we were taught that when Jesus said greater things will come, we then I send you the helper. We have to be dependent on the spirit, which is described as water, which, guess what, a visible and absolutely fearsome sometimes and furious. And we have to follow the fearsome and the furious and the fluidness of God, and we just don't know how to do that. And I've never said that out loud. So that has to be a Holy Spirit statement, because I never come up with three fs ever, and then did and it's too smart. It doesn't sound like me. So cap that is something that the Holy Spirit wanted all of us to know. I mean like that's absolutely true, is that we have to be willing to follow in those places before we'll understand, when opportunity comes to lead us to something greater. Yeah, I want to dive in, deep into the whole like Chewbacca mom beginning. But but I don't want to just hear your side of the story. I also want to hear your husband, Chris. The side of the story is go. So we have him here in the studio. We're going to bring aim in and then we're going to take you guys through that and some other adventures too. I'm excited. So, Chris, we've been going through all things can as pain, but now we want to bring in Mr Pain, the house of pain here together. And one of the things that I found curious about you, especially since we're talking to young Mare Christians, is that you guys met and, if I'm not mistaken, married in the same year. You met get married within a year. Well, we got engaged and married in the same year. We actually met the summer before, okay, at a back to school bash at our church. Okay. I was a volunteer at the youth group and she was coming in as the intern for the youth group for the fall, and so we were putting on this big back to school bash for the whole city and that's where we first met and she was very skeptical of me at that point. Why? Why? CUZ I don't look like I look more belong in the Southern Baptist Church and which is where we met. I have long hair and long beard and at that point I think I had red streaks and look like courtney cocks from screens. It was bad. It was bad street and this was before crowder. I mean you look, yes, like crowder. I feel like yeah, and I have been I've gotten that one, ter jace from Duc t eyes. Yeah, yeah, but at that point I had the long beard, but it was braided in three spikes down, one in the middle and two on the sides, like mud van. It was just weird. Don't know where it came from. It was just just different. I mean, you were a drummer, it makes sense. Yeah, so in and that night we were playing at the back to school bash. So all of the guys in the band decided it would be cool to wear Camo. You forgot that part. Would so we know. I just thought it was a great you then we admitted that you thought it'd be cool. Yeah, we're listen. We were early s if that, and just dumb. So we all chose a different color of candles, Nan Colored Cameo. No, I chose Orange. You did choose I chose Orange Camo. Who...

Does that? So, yeah, that was our first meeting and she was like, this guy's sketchy. We need to do background check on him. A hundred percent. Yeah, okay. And so you were already playing in the band. Yes, she was joining the band. Yeah, so we're you just playing together. and that like spark something for you guys? Or was there something else that kind of brought cannas and Christine? There was. The spark was hate at the beginning because, yes, it was listen, she's moving. Yeah, don't to me. Than so my best friend was the intern at the time and he was leaving to go off to college and show she was coming in to take his place, and so we automatically didn't really like each other. And Look, like I said, she was skeptical of me to begin with anyway. So we just didn't really Mesh, but we had to work together. So where we really started hanging out together was we were members of the college group at the time and they were like fifteen or twenty of us in the college group and we'd planned to do stuff every couple of weeks or so, but the plans inevitably would fall through and it would just end up being the two of us doing whatever was planned, whether it was going to high school football game. We're getting together and go into a movie or whatever, and so we just kind of started hanging out and getting to know each other and kind of became friends through that. And then, I guess it was October, November, around Thanksgiving, she invited me to come over to her house for Thanksgiving because we become friends and I got introduced for her family and that was very awkward to say the least. Yeah, what made it Awkward One more dad there wasn't know anything and stare with Dad, yes, but well, the dad was we were all sitting in a living room after Thanksgiving dinner and he comes walking out into the entry way of the living room with a needle sticking out of his shirt for his insulin yet for his diabetes that he just discovered he really had. Yeah, it was like look, this is all I got to do and press the plunger in and then walk away like literally just shows us how he's taking his insulin shot and he's like I just started insolent and Thanksgiving are you too much? So he comes out with the needle already in protruding from his belly and just didn't pull up. The sugar went through the shirt. Went through the shirt, like we're like wow, wow, I literally look at Chris and I'm like HMM, so that's my dad and that's kind of how it is. Like I don't know if anything else I could tell you, but that's pretty much true. Yeah, so it's what's going when you say that like your youth are the adult young adult ministry was like kind of ghosting you guys, what does that mean? Like even the leaders that were like supposed to be okay, so you guys are showing up to the church. Your you somehow you guys have access. Yeah, she was an internal she had keys to the youth building and so we would go in and wait set up for band practices and stuff, and then she'd have access and we go in and open up the building and get ready for everybody to show up and eventually we'd get phone calls. Hey, my kids sick, I can't come, Hey, I forgot, we had these other plans. Hey, I got called into work, and one by one they'd fall like flies and next thing. You know, it's time to go do whatever we were supposed to do, and it's just the two of us. Yeah, a joke that say that God set us up, like we just felt like God just set us up with all these little stupid dates and we were like just supposed to be doing college ministry and we're like, well, I guess it's just the two of us again, we showed, they'd be like, let's go to a high school football game and support some of the seniors and juniors. Are you like? Yeah, we're going to be there, young adults, let's go, and we'd be there together, sitting next to each other, and nobody else would show. We're like well, hey, how's it going? Again, wow, it's just us, let's hang out, you know, you know. And the thing that, and maybe this is just the moral of the story, but what I get from that is from my experience with any kind of church group. If you hear, Oh, no one's coming, it's just going to me and one other person, like, then it's like this immediately, oh, we got to cancel it, but yeah, everyone bell. But I think the moral here is if you show up, you might meet your husband, you might meet your wife, might meet your best friend, you might meet, you know, a lifelong person that's going to speak into your life. Like I think that the the world of Christian he looks at numbers so much and they don't realize, like, man, there's power. And just two of us. Now, if you want, if just one of you would have showed up, like if candis would have starred belling to maybe that would be weird. You just chilling in the church right yourself? Yeah, yeah, especially with your look and people walking by the church and seeing like we got to call the cops on this. Yeah, like what? Yeah, I'm sure there were people thought that. Sure there's people that did so. Yeah, I see. But now, twenty years later,...

...right, you know I've been married. Is that approximate? It leaves twenty years in December for us. Yeah, twenty. Congratulation. Saying you anything that you now know twenty years later that you wish you would have known back in two thousand and one? Gosh, we show dumb. Yeah, I was not say how long we were dumb. That's I think that's the thing that most young people that are in involved dating relationships, are engaged or young married's just think they know everything. They think, think about it all figured out, realize you're dumb. It's okay, you don't have it all figured out. So you got to sit down and have those conversations. You know, neither one of you or mind readers. If something bothers you, sit down and talk about it and have a grown up, rational conversation about it before it festers and turns into something way overblown. Way You're over dramatic than it really is. Lights being on is not that big a deal if you just sit down and talk about it and hit it head on. Dishes are not that big a deal if you sit down and talk about it and hit it head on. If you don't, they've become a big deal and it turns into a four or five hour conversation until two o'clock in the morning. Don't do that. Yeah, I would say. You know, testosterone and estrogen are not meant to live peacefully in the same place like. That's okay, you see, if you know that going in, then you're like, Oh, you're not like me. We don't have to be like each other, like we could actually be different and still live here and coexist and be more than just attracted to each other. You know, because when attraction runs out after it, not saying like you're not awesome and cute and I'm not attracted to you, but just saying the honeymoon phase, when that ends and you've got to pay bills and life gets real and you have loss and you've experienced grief together, you're going to see who each other really really are, and when that happens, you process things different than any other human being period. So it makes no difference that it's male and female that process different as well well. So not only do you just your people that process different, but I think estrogen and testosterone actually make you process different as well. And so if you can be okay with just how you process stuff and continue to communicate, it gets easier, gets better. You know, I say that we've been married almost twenty years and we've enjoyed what seventeen of them? So about the first three years we're just let we get into what are we doing? How do we do this? Yeah, and you guys have, I mean figured things out enough to where you've done premarial counseling for other couples. Correct? Yeah, a couple different times. Yep. What does premarial counseling look like? With the pains, sitting on our couch. Yeah, and just talking about real life. Yeah, way, hang on, just pause. Right there, you guys are all sitting side by side on this cout. We got a sectional, real section. Okay, okay, so you're sitting on the couch and and and what happens when you guys sit down? Is this an hour? Is it two hours? Is it? Well, I said, we listen. We listen to their pain points and their fears. More than anything, it's we tackle them. Yeah, when we did premarial counseling before we got married, it was a book series that turned into twelve or fifteen weeks and it was the first time the people that were doing our premarial counseling did it, and so we were all good friends and we all laughed our way through it, going this is just a beat down. And we really didn't go through real life stuff because once we got out of it and got married, we're dealing with stuff for three to five years of the real nuts and bolts of real life and we didn't we didn't learn it during premariable counseling. So what we decided to do when the first couple asked us that was we're just going to sit down and have conversations about life. What is it you're struggling with? What is it you're afraid of? What are you what are the things you're passionate about, what are the things you're excited about? And then let's just let that steer the conversation and tell you from our experience what we've learned through those kinds of situations. And it's not like we didn't have any teachable credentials within ourselves. Now, listen, we've never been certified or anything like that, but like we've done the work of reading the books and doing the things too, so we're bringing the information that we've already got stored inside of us. But we didn't feel like it was necessary, with the couples that we had had, to say, let's get this book and dive into this book, because that books can have all the answers in five weeks for you. Right. We would just say, Hey, we've already read these books, we understand some things. We want to hear from you. What are you afraid of that's coming up, or what do you what are you most concerned about? That you've already seen some red flags because you can't go through engagement and trying to pick out a venue and cake and like all the things without having some red flags pop up about how...

...you communicate and how you already are. Like, well, if you're doing this now, what are you going to be like in ten years when we got to make this decision? You know, I'm like the dude I'm trying to do is say I want this color bow tie. Why are we doing my refighting? You know, it's like it's like you already have these things that are kind of Oh, this concerns me and you don't feel like you have anybody to talk to about those concerns. We wanted to make premarible counseling someplace that people could just say this concerns me about each other and what is this look like and how do we get through that? Sometimes it was about in laws. I'm concerned about family dynamics, like they grew up different than me, or they expect Thanksgiving to look like this, they expect this moment to look like this. Sometimes it was hey, we're bringing in different experiences that we've had sexually with different people, or now we're at this point where I feel like this is going to suffer in our marriage if we really pursue this, you know, and you're like okay, let's tackle that, then let's go. You know, we waited seven years to have kids intentionally because we knew we need to grow up. I mean we just knew. We're like, we don't need to bring kids into this if it's at all possible, and it took us seven years to finally just kind of be like, okay, I think we're okay with like adding people to this dynamic that we have that's just the two of us, and we'd be okay. Yep, yeah. Did you guys remain serving together for those seven years, because I know you guys were in the worship band? Yeah, to that continue for the seven years? Or did you guys? Yes, yeah, yeah, off and on in different stages. We work in worship ministry together. We worked in the student ministry together. We did call us in college ministry. Through that again, you'll young adulten marriage counseling. We've dabbled in here and there. So through all of that time we were in ministry together at in one former fashion. How would you say that serving together played a part? And your guys, is relational success. Sometimes we to have a marritll fight in front of people. That I remember doing like a worship band H had rehearsal and they're like you need to listen to the clip and I'm like, I don't want to click on this part and we spirit lit. So I need here to just turn off the hook and we're like going back and forth and you're like, I'm a drummer and you're still if I don't know where you're going, nobody else in the band knows. Where do I speak for everybody in here? And I'm like, we're not letting everybody speak, we're listening to God speak. Right now. We're just like pulling out God cards at each other, throwing away stuff like that, and I'm like pretty sure that wasn't healthy for either one. Everybody else just tuning and I'm just gonna be yeah, so awkward, Awkward Serving Times in front of people, but it did force us to communicate and learn better communication skills and that particular instance forced us to have another conversation after that was over. going. Yeah, probably wouldn't good. Yeah, that was that was pretty embarrassing. So how do we not do that the next time we're having a frustrating moment between the two of us during a rehearsal or when we're surrounded by other people. How do we best communicate during that kind of situation? Well, not in times out of ten. When you have a moment that blows up, it's because of other things that have been unresolved. So there's things that we already had that we brought that nobody else brought to rehearsal. So when you serve with your, you know, partner, during anything in ministry, if you've got stuff going on at home, if you've got things that you've not talked about, and then you got to do any activity to get that's why the amazing race is so awesome to watch with these couples that blow up. You're like, I don't know how long it took for you to get to that fight, but I'm amazed that we get to watch that fight right now. You know, I know, there has to be some stuff that's background here, and so serving with each other being married, we're not just coming like everybody else in the band be like you don't know about my day, you don't know about my crap day, but we sure knew about each other's and we probably contributed to it at some point and now we've got to serve together. It was it's a rough place to be. You can either be two things when that happens. You can be fake, which we've seen a lot of pastors and their wives do that, where they're like everything's great, you know, it's just like the smile. We know they're going to murder themselves. They're just going to implode it one day. That was probably too harsh. Sorry if anybody's really experience that in their church. That was really unintentional for it to just go that dark. But or or we've seen that they're really real and they're explosive, you know, and so I think for us we value authenticity too much. So we're just like what the sparks fly, you know, it's what you get with us. POPAPOPCORN, cell tickets. Yeah, let's go. It's going to be a show this fight. Everybody in line. Let's go. All right, yeah, sounds like some wwe action. Yes, goodness now. Okay, so, Chris, we wanted to bring you in because we wanted to talk about the day and maybe even some build up to like the whole chewbacca mom video. Okay, first I want...

...to talk about what did like? What was life like? Let's play the what if game. What if, you know, the video would have never happened. What if that? It would have never went viral. What do you what was life like for the two of you guys? What was your daytoday? Life like? Day Day? Life was pretty normal, pretty boring, I would say. I get up every morning and we'll get up as a family, and candace at that point was a stayathome mom, and we get the kids ready for school, I'd get ready for work, she'd get ready to do what, whatever she had on her schedule for that day. What did I do? A bit. You know, I have always said that Motherhood, you stay at home moms are, is the toughest job in the world. CAN ANSWER, because there's cleaning of the house, there's maintaining of the house, there's meal prep, there's making sure everything is ready for everybody during the day and then there's all your own stuff that you do that we don't know about. I mean it's real easy to say when I come home from work, dishes are done, meals are made, house is clean, this, that and the other, but there's a billion other things that happen throughout the day that never get noticed and never get mentioned, that are all taken care of, that you would know if they didn't get done, but you just don't really notice when they are done just because they're always done. But but that was our life at that point. I go work my eight, nine hours, whatever it was. Kids would be at school. Should pick up the kids from school, bring them home, we do family time, put the kids to bed, have our alone time is grown ups, and then we'd go to bed at the end of the night. It's pretty straightforward, you know, boring Monday and day, then going into Chewbacca mom happened. Whirlwind. But you know, twenty years ago our life started as a whirlwind. We'd me it's just been a progressive whirlwind and we've learned to manage the whirlwind and we just sit and talk about here's what it looks like, here's what's happening, here's what's on the horizon. What do we do with all of that? And so we just have those honest, brutal conversation sometimes where it's this is not going to be pretty, this is not going to be fun, but we have to talk about it. Sometimes it is this is going to be amazing. This is going to be awesome. Let's sit down and talk about it and figure out next steps. HMM, did you like the day that the video like went out on facebook live? Did you know from that day that it was going to explode? Like, what was your reaction? Day One? I had no idea what was happening day one because I didn't watch it. Oh, so she had this habit of having randomly texting me crazy stuff that would happen through her day and it was just random. So she I got home from work that night, she said, Hey, I did this thing. I think it might be going viral. So I pulled it up on my phone and then I saw that it was four minutes long. I was like, yeah, I don't have time for this. This looks like the same stuff. I'll watch it later. It looks like the same crap you send me all day at work. Those were your words. This looks like the same crap you send me all day at work, and I was like hmm, okay, so I'm going to hold that in my back pocket. I Ken Swipe it up and catching up with other friends and family through facebook and instagram and just was totally forgot about it. After that, we go through the end of the nine and she goes bay. Were really think you might want to take a look at this? Yeah, I'll take a look when I got time. We get ready for bed, we go to bed. I wake up the next morning to get ready for work. My alarm goes off and her phone is ringing on her nightstand and I hear it ringing. She answers it, turns it off, rings again, turns it off, rings again, turns it off. So I'm getting ready for work and like, okay, it's probably just a bunch of friends and stuff. Something's happening, but I'm not getting any text or phone call, so I'm not going to worry about it. She'll tell me about it later. Go through the next morning, get the kids ready, I get ready for work. I go into work. As I'm walking through the hull at work to go to my desk and get ready for the day, I hear my wife laughing coming from one of the offices. What is that? Why is she here? What is going on? So I stick my head and in the office and the guy that was there says, Hey, have you seen this Chewbacca Lady? So what are you talking about? He's like you got to see this is the funniest thing ever. So he turns his phone around and shows me and it's my wife's video with a hundred and twenty five million views on it. Like oh boy. So I immediately text her. What did you do? Yeah, yeah, he was like what did you do it, and I was like I gotta let you go. I'm talking to MPR right now. I just finished my conversation with BBC and I'm pretty sure from morning America wants me to call him back and I was I tell you later. I just was like by I was...

...like that's the only thing I've ever had to hold over your head, right, you know. So they get bad. That was that was my experience with it. Was I paid zero attention to it until the next morning when my co worker showed it to me. Yeah, and then you had to stay late from work because we had a new station at our house and you didn't want to be a part of it. Yeah, now, that was actually the Friday. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that was Y. Yeah, so the Friday we had a new station coming to the House with a bunch of different stuff and I was like yeah, probably don't want to be like be a part of that Cuz I'm messy from work and one of US needs to maintain an animity so that we can go to the grocery store and the gas station and do all the things for our family. So, yeah, I'm just going to bow out of that. And Yeah, and I was like thirty okay, everybody's gone, you can come home. It's crazy. Yeah, I feel like because you're like a little bit of an introvert, or a little bit, yeah, a lot of an introvert. So, yeah, I'm super introvert, which surprised me that. I mean, you're even here, which is awesome. I'm so thankful that you're here, and I mean as an introvert. You See, oh my goodness, my life's about a change, right. That had to click on your head. So are you? You're like, okay, do I rush home to my wife so I try to figure this out together, or do I not rush on because it's going to be Paparazzi everywhere and I don't want that. Right. So, the weekend after it happened, she was invited to go to figure was New York at that point, and the video happened Thursday. All of this was Friday when you saw my video that afternoon. You stayed late. And then Saturday I did my Bible Journal in class right with like reporters outside of the Bible Journal and Class, because I found the facebook location online. And then I had like maybe five hours to pack and then I left Sunday morning for New York. Right. So it was all like when we say whirlwind. It was like to real fast. And so then there was New York with an interview and then immediately fly to California for another interview and tour of facebook headquarters, Lucasfilm, all of that. Yeah, so she got back on like Tuesday or Wednesday the following week. It's Wednesday. And so she got home from all of that, we got the kids put the bed and we sat down and said, okay, we need this seriously. Have a have a conversation about next steps. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is what's happened in the last five days and it looks like this could be a stepping off point. So what do you think about that? Well, most couples they're like, Hey, I'm thinking about going back to work. I've been a stayathome home for a few years. I think it's time that I go back to work? Can we afford a new babysitter? Can we do we want to put the kids here for this? Like, imagine that on steroids. That conversation, like we were sitting there going, not only do I think I want to go back to work, I think I want to start my own LLC. I want to be able to be an author and venture out in a business that I've never ever thought I'd be capable or qualified for. But let's go, and I want to start traveling. Are you okay with this? Are we okay with this as a family? Like, what do we do next? And that conversation was at a serious crossroads with what he was going to say yes or no to. Yeah, so we just had to had that real brutally on his conversation of is this going to be a fun little thing that happened on a whim and it's going too low over and we wash our hands of it and say, well, that was fun, or do we let this be a launching pad for our entire family to where she gets to jump into something that she's been called to do for the longest time? And so we had to just sit down and look at it and have that honest conversation of forget the logistics, forget wall the other stuff that goes with it. This is obviously something from God. I'm not going to stand in front of that. I can't stand in front of him and go yeah, no, we're not going to do that because it's going to disrupt too much. Can't do that. Yeah, so screw the logistics, forget all the other stuff. If he's kick this door wide open for you to jump into all the different things that you're called to do, then I'm not going to stand in the way. All the logistics and and all the other stuff that are my fears, because I'm an introverted scheduler, spreadsheet guy. All of that stuff will be figured out. If he's going to take care of this, I wouldn't take care of the rest of it. So we're just going to put it as that and if at any point you feel like this is too much and I don't want to do it anymore, we're done. You still say that? Yep, you still say that daily and I love that. It's a matter of fact, that's...

...why I'm married him because, listen, I never thought that I would marry an introvert and I'm just going to be honest. He's everything on my do not want list, like the exact opposite of what I wrote when I was sixteen and I you know, I'm like short and fat and I didn't want somebody tall and skinny. He's tall and skinny. You know. I'm like, oh great, we're that couple when we walk around. And then, like, I didn't want somebody with facial hair. It's kept massive beard. Didn't want somebody with long hair. Long Hair, I'm telling you, like all the things. Didn't want somebody that like motorcycles or tattoos, are wrestling, and he's like, I love all those things, you know. And so I'm sitting here going what is it on my list that you qualified with? And the one thing that I can consistently see is he's everything that I didn't want, but everything that I absolutely needed. Everything I needed, and I think that a lot of people are in the dating pool right now or that are in new marriages don't realize that maybe their spouse is exactly what they need and it's not about your wants. A lot of the times it really isn't. Like sometimes we don't even know what is best for us, but if we trust that God does, he gives us that person that'll be with us, that can actually sharpen us, and it is a sharpening. Sharpening is not something that's flu flu and just fun all the time. Sharpening is actual grinding of it and I found that the things that grind against each other actually solidify and forge something really strong with us. The thing that you just heard him say is I'm not standing in God's way. I can't find another person. I don't care if you're extroverted or introverted or whatever your personality type is or anything that you claim. If you don't have that in you to go God's will about my own will, then that's the thing that makes me go, I don't think I can do that life with this person. But the thing that I didn't care what his personality was or how different or clashing we may be of our styles or preferences, the fact that he yielded to the Lord always was the thing that made me most attracted to him. I was like, look, I see this guy. This is foreign for him, but he's consistently pressing into places that are difficult or he's always saying as to God, like I've never heard him once destroy a dream of mine never and I've heard every Sunday school teacher at some impasse, tear me down the whether they knew it or not, just by a little phrase or a nuance or not, not of their head. Or that'd be nice, you know, like I get your sarcasm, but this guy that doesn't even know Jesus until he's later on in life, didn't when raised in the church, and you know all these different things that could hold him back and make him a wallflower and introverted. He's like Hey, if God saying do that, go and I'm like, Huh, that's freeing, you know what I mean? Like that right there, I want to be with somebody that says that. It's a matter of fact, before we started dating, we were on a college trip that we can and the whole topic, the whole weekend was talking about our dreams and trusting God with our dreams, right, and we had an egg as an illustration that we had to the guys had to care for an egg and the girls had to care for an egg and whoever was able to build something out of popsicle sticks and bubble wrap to protect their egg, we were going to launch them and whoever's egg survived or experience the least amount of damage was the winner, you know. So it was competitive and I'm like yes, well, little did we know, he was taken over the guy's egg building, because he was like I got this, you can go like a cage for it, with bubble wrap and pop sicklesticks in mind. I thought, well, it should put like a parachute on it, right, because if it drops it'll float. That's all the small you know, brilliant, brilliant ideas. So weird laughing and talking about these eggs and these dreams and everybody in our college group that weekend it kind of split up and done different activities in our free time and we're sitting together on this little park bench and he could tell I was visibly upset about something. He was like Hey, what's wrong, what are you thinking? And I just said I just won't let you know then. I'm not giving up my dreams for anybody. Like I told him that from the beginning we weren't even dating. Like I just looked at him, I was like, I think this is kind of head in this way, but I just wanted to let him know that I'm not giving up my dreams for anybody. And he looked at me and he made it very personal and he goes, did I ever ask you to give up anything for me? And I was like smooth operator, all right over. So I was like okay, no, you didn't, and he was like no, I would want to see whatever God wants to do in your life. And so that was something that drew me to him. And then, you know, cashing in on that five years ago, if fifteen years married, to see that we've got two kids that are five and six years old. I've been the stayathome mom and now the tables of turn and opportunities knocking and doors are open. is He really going to make good on what he said fifteen years ago? And here's somebody that goes I'm not going to stand in the way of God. We obviously see it's happening. Go you know, I mean like that quality. I don't care who you are or who you're dating. If you don't have the quality that yields yourself to the will of God, get out, because that person, fifteen yearss down the road is still going to be stubborn and obstinate. HMM. And twenty years down from that even more so, and I wish that people knew going...

...into marriage, the secret sauce is yielding. That's all it is. It's somebody that continually says not mine, but his ultimately, and then in the worst days, not me but you, when you need it, let's go. If you could do that, man, that that's a great marriage. I really don't care whatever else happens. You can weather it as long as you have that. has there ever been a time where this world of fame that you've supported has has almost battled with the world of family and you had to choose family over that fame? Has that clashed yet? Oh Yeah, we we've had to have those hard conversations where I can think of one example. Go for it, because I can't Regna Jr. Harry conn that wasn't here. Okay, yeah, I was scheduled to go on a work trip. She was scheduled to go on a work trip and we were right, meaning I'm going to be on the Harry Conte Jr show, so I gotta go. It's Harry Connick Junor of course that I didn't have the issue where it was more the schedule of who spiker, who's going to be with our kids when they get out of school that day, because I'm supposed to come home on a Friday and we all know that there's airline delays and weather travel things, but you're leaving on Friday morning, there's going to be an overlap where, if everything works out okay, the kids won't know the difference because you drop them off, I pick them up and they're none the wiser. But we didn't have a band plan B. If it's like there was no plan B, it was we could get hold of any of our friends that were free in case of emergency to go pick up our kids and do all of this stuff. And it was the stress of we have a I guess they were probably around six or seven at that time. Yeah, maybe a little older. Well, we have a six and seven year old that are not allowed to leave the school without parents, supervision or somebody that they know to pick them up. They're not old enough to stay by themselves. They're not a little enough to walk home by themselves. Yet they've never done this before. We've never had this conversation. Oh crap, what are we going to do in this next six hours? Praying to God that I get home on time. And here's the thing. It's that Harry Kinne JR show was an add on. So I was already in New York doing something else and they called and they were like hey, can you come and I'm like, oh, that just be adding like two more days in new work. Of course I'll do it, not even talking with him and saying can we do this? And so you're being kind by leaving them that out, but like, I totally mess that up with not just consulting and going hey, can we do this as a family. So the fame thing over through the family in my mind in that moment, because I was thinking here we kind of June, it had to be you, you know. I'm like, come on, it's Terry Connor Jr. And then and then to come and find out I'm like, why are we fighting about this? You know that, like I was just it's just a couple more days. And then I realized I didn't consider. I didn't consider the family in this moment and it just grounding back to the reality that family is considered in every decision. It's not just hey, I'm going to be doing this for work piece out, it's Hey, let's here's what was brought to me today. I think I want to do this doesn't conflict with anything. What do you think? That's still to this day about normal speaking gigs that are travel, you know. So we just had to have that honest conversation of I get called to travel for my work every now and then. You get called to travel for work all the time. We just have to make that schedule and then when one of US commits to it, the other ones out. So if they ask you just have to say, I'm sorry, we can't do that unless we know for sure there's somebody there to pick up the slack and where we're both out, we have somebody there to watch our kids make sure that's something they're all taking care of. Well, now our kids are a little bit older and so they can come with us if I go traveling somewhere most of the time or stuff like that. So it helps and I feel like every marriage has some one of the parents, if not both. This kind of like a way more than the other. Typically it's like the dead the businessman. You see that in the movies, like Oh, dad's never around, but I feel like in your guys relationship, cannas is probably like you said like on these trips, constantly traveling on these shows, has there ever been a time where you feel like you're being pulled away so much, like how do you balance constantly being on the road and go into these places with time with the kids, with Chris? Well, you know what, I want to just go ahead and speak to it for sure, because I get women all the time in DM's telling me I'm praying for your marriage, I'm praying for your kids, and I'm like that's so sweet, but then I also hear like this little line that they don't say behind that that says, I really hope you're okay because you're traveling all the time. You know what I mean? Like it's the underlying conversation of if that were me, I'm just saying okay,...

...you know. And let me just tell you the truth. Those days that were the war wind from New York to La and then coming home on Wednesday, I was going like five days and when I came home the anxiety of landing, I thought, okay, when I get home, I've got to make sure I go to the grocery store this evening and then I've got to do this and this and this and this to get their laundry ready and then I've got it okay, right. You know, all the mom anxiety of I've been gone, I've got to repair. I get home and I walk in the door and the kids are peacefully playing with each other on the floor with toys and giggling. There was dust particles just floating in from the sunlight in the windows and Chriss in a recliner with his feet up watching a baseball game and like there is peace in the home and it's clean, like it'd been cleaned pristinely, and I'm sitting here going, I think we check this up, like you should be here and I should be out there, like what have we been doing? You obviously do this way better than me, you know, and what's funny still to this day, is we've had to go and parenting is a whole different conversation. Right. First of all, parenting is the hardest job you will ever have in your life. Nobody prepares it for you. You cannot read enough books to understand it. Every child is completely different and has their own nuances and they reflect the worst of you consistently back to you, like the things that you're frustrated with them about are basically looking in a mirror and you're going well, this job is awesome. If God told us that that was really what parenting was like, none of us would sign up right really, okay, but but to see that, like the rolls that we've constantly vollied back and forth in this past five years of all of this. Sometimes it is more I'm at home during the summer, so therefore more of the decisions are going to be based on what I do day to day with the kids, and there's times I'm heavy travel and I volley it to him and say I trust you, like it's just an ebb and flow of us working together and we have to be very fluid. I mean like we joke about. We have our own parent handbook and one of the verses is parents twenty four seven, and it says blessed are the flexible, because they'll never be broken. You know I mean you have to be flexible because you won't break. You won't break your anger, you won't break your expectation on anything or anybody in the house and it'll just be okay. You know, we said that coming here for just being with the kids at universal yesterday. We're like everybody. Blessed are the flexible today, right, you know, we're going to do what we can do and it. Don't get your heartbroken if we can't do this in this in this and it's a part of what we've discovered about each other's personalities and and how we're equipped to handle the family. So when people are like, well, Canadas, you you're traveling and you're missing out here and and you're so far on the road, does that does that hurt the family? I've actually seen its strengthen our family sometimes, because think of it this way. I had those first five to six years of their lives when they're learning how to say Mama and dad at and learn how to eat and learn how to crawl and learn how to talk and walk and and how nurturing is that for a mother role to be those years solely dedicated? And now watching this weird in between stage that we've just walked that six to twelve year old, that's school age, where they're going to walk into puberty, that they're developing ideas about what they want from another spouse or a partner or person in their life life and to have a father roll step into be a primary voice and switch. That was a blessing to our home for my daughter to have a daddy's opinion on things more than the Mama rushing in and me and like it should be like this, and and and kind of make her a mothering person. When she's only six or seven years old, she's actually seeing how a dad actually shows grace and love towards her and what she should expect going into her teenage years when she wants to start dating, you know. And then you've got my boy also experiencing the love of a father that says, yeah, we're going to turn off everything, we're going to go out and we're going to throw the ball because I'm going to show you that I work hard, but I play hard to and show you the value of what that means to rest in a renew and that I care about your needs. You know, I mean like we've been given a gift, I think, for those first few years to allow me to have those mothering years, but to have this highlighted fathering years from six to twelve is just been insane. It's been an insane gift that I didn't know that we even needed or wanted. As a matter of fact, I would almost write a whole book on letting people know there's a secret into volleying those responsibilities during those ages. I mean like it's it's beautiful to see what happens, and now we're about to go into chaos of teenage land. So we're just accepting prayers like that's all we're doing, that's our playing. It is just except prayers and lots of, you know, things going over for us, because I think we're about to just lock arms together and...

...say let's go. You know, I think it's on both of us now. Yeah, when you're married to someone who has such a cool life, such cool job, like gets to do the cool thing, I feel like they're probably comes just maybe a Smidge of like jealousy of, Oh my gosh, she just got to meet Jj Abrams, like I know that you're a star wars fan as well, or oh my gosh, she's getting to hang out with Chewbacca, like things like that probably come up. So how do you handle because this is speaking to all couples out there because, yes, not everyone has it to the degree of the two of you right, but I'm sure that there are those couples that have those feelings of man you are the, say, provider of the family or say you are the person that gets to do the job of the kids love. Like. How is that for you, Chris? For me it's really exciting because of me being an introvert, it's not my ideal situation to be put into those kinds of situations. I love being at home. I love sitting on my couch watching D be watching sports, being in my bed every night, true, you know, making my own meals in my kitchen, driving my car, going to my job. She's always been a nomad that loves to go and experience and see all the different things that life has to offer. Not that I don't enjoy that, but let me go enjoy that for a couple of days and then let me get back home to my bed, let me get home to my schedule, my routine. That's just how I'm wired. So getting to see her live some of those dreams and see some of those things fulfilled is genuinely exciting for me. I love when she comes back home and we get to sit on the couch and she gets to tell me all the stories of I got to meet so and so, I got to do this, I got to see this, I got to be a part of recording this or being part of that. It's not my deal. I do it every now and then I get to go on some of these trips where they're like this, but it's just not my deal. So I love seeing and and again. It's one of those things that from the very beginning of our friendship, when we get to sit and talk about those kind of things and I'd get to hear all of her dreams and we'd sit and, even in the young stages of our marriage, getting to hear what she's dreaming about, what she's thinking about, and me trying to figure out, okay, what can we do to help try and make that a reality? Where can we make the sacrifices? Where can we make the changes in our schedule? Where can we give up certain things to try and push towards that direction of where you're feeling called? Because, listen, I'm known for a long time that she's called to do a whole whole lot of things because she's never focused on one thing. She's one of those free spirited creatives that today it's I'm gonna Create a Tshirt, tomorrow I'm going to write a book tomorrow, I'm going to paint two weeks from now. I've got this thing coming up. And if you're not willing, if you've got one of those people in your life and you're not willing to bounce to whatever idea is on the plate that day and shift and try to figure out how to make those happens, you are going to butt heads and you are going to have strife and you were going to have arguments. I just always been willing and able to pivot when she says, yeah, that was yesterday, today I'm doing this. Okay, what are we how are we going to make that happen today? How are we going to move towards this direction if you feel like this? And so getting to hear those stories and being able to help pivot and help direct and guide and still be in the background making sure that house is taken care of, dishes are done, house is picked up, kids are alive and in bed and going to school on time and doing all of those things. That's just been the joy on my part. I feel like that I'm gonna cry like Dave. I was going to say. I feel like that that three to four minutes of Chris talking it. I feel like most of our listeners are going to be like young, married Christian females, and that's when they're going to pause rely and three minutes and go to their husband and just be like, listen to this man. Yes, because I think a lot. I hope that any Christian man that hears that and here's your heart, because the church tells us you have to be that spiritual leader in your relationship and a lot of times in your head you think that means I need to stand up taller, get on my tippy toes, I need to be, you know, bigger and lead in a bigger way. They don't see it as laying down myself, my wants and an allowing for for my like to lead in a...

...very selfless way. You know, and I feel like that, that like you are spiritually leading her by laying down and allowing God to use her and do what he wants through her. I think that's incredible. Yeah, I've always felt that there's a difference between bearing a spiritual leader and being the teacher. I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a public speaker or a Bible teacher or anything like that. That is way more here. Skill, her skill set so when it comes to directing our house and especially when it comes to teaching the Bible to our kids, yeah, I know the Bible, but I can't sit down and do a Bible study or lead a Bible study for our friends and family and those kind of things. But as the lead of our household, I understand my own strengths and weaknesses and I know that that is such my weakness us. But it's something where she's super strong. So we set up the time and I schedule the time as the leader. We make the time to do those things. But as the one who leads out in the teaching part of it, yeah, that's way more hurt deal. I will always sit in and give my thoughts and opinions and be willing to have conversation as the conversation is directed. But to sit down a lead just because I'm the husband and I'm supposed to according to the laguness Harley stuff right now, I don't, but just because I'm the guy and I'm supposed to. Yeah, it's not. That's not what it means. HMM. It's a it's about understanding your different strengths and weaknesses as individuals and how they play off of each other and then the best person suited for that job take that role and be willing to understand that and be okay with that. I don't care that I'm the guy and I'm almost did it. Yet I understand that as being the guy and society says I'm supposed to do this and supposed to be the provider and supposed to be the head and supposed to make all the decisions. What kind of life does that leave for your wife if she doesn't have any input? I haven't seen one that ends very successfully. There's tons of arguments, tons of divorce that comes with that, tons of unhappiness that comes with that. Just not willing to do it. I do whether our entire family be happy. You always hear the saying happy wife, happy life, but it's more happy family. So we sit and especially now at the age our kids are, it's we all sit down as a family and say, okay, how do you think about this? What do you feel about this? What would make you happy? And again making those pivots and if there's a frustration for my eleven year old, okay, how do we fix that? What can we do as a family to make that not a frustration for you, for my twelve year old daughter, there's something that's making you sad. How can we come together and rally around you to fix that or make it better? Sometimes you can't fix it. Sometimes it's life. Happens and you just have to weather that. But how can we make it better? How can we rally around you and lift you up and make things better? Hmm Yeah, that phrase, happy wife, happy life works so well because of the rhyming. So maybe the happy anomaly is the happy family. If that, if that rhymes enough, I don't stick it'll say yeah, yeah, I will say this. I just want to speak to that. Like how many people have the privilege and honor of doing life with somebody that just says your dream is my dream? Do you know what I mean? Like that right there alone. Man, I will get emotional about it if I talk too much, but that right there is a quality that I feel like it's probably the greatest gift that I have, you know, because a lot of times, like I said, my dreams are my ideas, were shamed and were put down and discourage so quickly and then to fine life with somebody that goes your dream is my dream and not just to say your dream is my dream, but him to go, that is my joy to like to have a noncompete. It just naturally flow in your family is massive. So it makes the person that has the dream all that more grateful and slow down and go what can I do for you? What can I give to you? You know what I mean, like my my family and my husband are in every single thought that I have. Does this honor you? Does this bring you happiness? Is this something that's going to benefit all of us here because of somebody going? Your dream is my dream, and it's not only that, but it's my joy. And one of the greater qualities that I know that Chris has that is absolutely sustaining our entire...

...marriage in his leadership is loyalty. There's just if men, Gosh, if men could figure out what it means to be loyal, I think it would change the whole family dynamic for everybody. I don't care, Christian Not Christian, it doesn't matter. Just this beauty in loyalty to say, regardless, I'm with you and I'm not going, I'm not of Bandening, I'm not leaving, I'm not I'm not shaking down this so that I can have something else. For me, it's just that loyalty aspect, when I look at just the goodness of God that is radiating from who he is, that is the highest quality that always rises to the top is loyalty. I never worry if he's on my side. Not One single time do I worry if he's with me team candace. Never, never. And so I just feel like when you're entering into marriage, loyalty is underrated and undertaught, but it is the it is the greatest thing that you could ever give to anybody now being raised out of the church, being raised in a Baptist Church right, coming together now being in assemblies of God. Yeah, I just joke that I'm baptocostal at this point. You know, I mean like I honestly I have I have church ones, like almost everybody that's been a church kid, and I really don't even like the labels other than Christian, and even Christian is something that you say and it's offending people now because of just the Weirdos that get the biggest spotlight and microphone right. But I would just say that the biggest thing I can call myself is a spirit filled believer of Jesus and follower of God, you know, so being spirit filled. How does the Holy Spirit interact with you guys in your marriage? Well, there's a meme that I know that I love that probably is the best. Do you know? The golden girls? Yes, okay, so there's this meme of the golden girls, right, and Sophie is the short mom of the tall be Arthur. That's her daughter and she's from behind her and she grabs her mouth closed like just basically muzzles her mouth and like it's so funny because it's like me with the Holy Spirit, you know, like the only spirit just kind of muzzles you. I just feel like the Holy Spirit in our relationship. It just it allows us to say this is worth bringing up and arguing and talking and working through, or it's worth shutting up and just saying I'm going to die to whatever I think that I need to right now. That's not important. There's not. Not Every hill is worth fighting on. You know, not every issue you need to stand on. You just got to go a is this something that I'm supposed to listen to God about, because it's important and this is tearing us apart, or it could have the possibility to tear us apart, or is it just something that I don't like? If it's your preference, put it down, you know, but if it's going to change a projection of your family and your future, fight for it every single time. And the only way you can know the difference is being spirit led. Now we used to say spirit love. For anybody listening, that's like, let's go that. They're thinking, what does that even mean? How how has the Holy Spirit looked like, and you like in detail. What does that look like? Okay, so here's a quick little lesson ready for preacher candice. Okay, the Holy Spirit is very, very near and dear to the believer, especially because of what Jesus has done. So it is not in substitutionary for what Jesus has done or the personage of Jesus. Jesus is ultimately the one that, by him and through him, we can approach boldly the throne of God. However, we have been given the Holy Spirit the very moment that we accept a life with Christ and we lay down ours and we accept Jesus as our Lord. The Holy Spirit is not only accessible but interactive and abiding in us. So we have the ability with what Galatians five tells us, to have the fruits of the Holy Spirit, because there is that abiding and so the things that most of a struggle for in marriage or in life, peace, joy, gentleness, patience, self control, all these things that we really really want to see play out in our life without the Holy Spirit, the absence of allowing the Holy Spirit to actually dwell within our thoughts, within our words that we put in from the scriptures that we reads, because in John it tells us, in Jesus has read letters, that the sheep will know my voice and that he's our good shepherd. Well, how do we know our voice unless we aren't listening to him speak? And the Holy Spirit does speak in different ways. He speaks through the word of God, he speaks through encouragement from the believers, which we like to call to prophetic word. First Corinthians fourteen three says the one who prophesies...

...strengthen and encourages and comforts. So if it's a word that strengthens or it encourages or it comforts, then it'll be a prophetic word. If it's doom and gloom and it's hatred, it's not from the Holy Spirit. So that's probably from a man's limited view of God and the fear of man that actually drive the driven that word to give to you. So it has to be strengthening, encouraging and comforting the thoughts that you hear from other people that align with the word of God. God will never have his word return void to himself. So when he puts it in you, he'll work upon it, he'll always complete it, and the holy spirits the thing, this bridge that's beautifully put in between it, between our thoughts and the actual voice of God. And so if we can agree upon I'm holding my phone in my hand and we agree together that this is a phone, like we're both going to call this thing a phone and we're going to have a language to call it a phone, and we know that when we look at it, we call it the same item. Why could we think that God's incapable of literally bypassing some thoughts that we have in our own mind and giving us truth for how we need to process thoughts? It's because he develops a language that he can speak to us, because he is our shepherd and we know his voice. We know what's different about him when he speaks to our thoughts than when we're speaking to our own thoughts. So that's a it's a really big lesson and like a small, little short thing. But the reality is is that the Holy Spirit, you can hear from him. He's not so mysterious that we make them out to be. He's just as close as your own thoughts. But the the distinction is knowing the character in the goodness of God, so that you can distinct between this is Holy Spirit versus me. If it's Holy Spirit, it will align with the character of God and with the word of God every single time. It will strengthen, encourage and comfort and it will not be apart from that. It won't be apart from his character. He won't do it like that. God will never tell you go do this on behalf of my name that's going to cause harm, malice or destruction. It just it's not his character, not when he's the God that says surely goodness and mercy will follow you all the days after your life or of your life. You know. So, being actually a spirit filled person, it's a continual practice of flooding my mind with the word of God and keeping my ears open to the Voice of God. Hmm and it's just it sounds very complicated by all the preface narrative that I just gave you, but the real reality is is it's a submission of me going. The word of God is my anchor point for everything, every single thing. The Voice of God is my directional GPS for everything and nothing else matters. Nothing else matters. I cannot be led or swayed any place else without those two things. If I go those ways, it is very flesh carnal driven, not carnal like I'm such a sinful, horrible being and I just want worldly things like. It's just that I know that the things that are narcissistic never do me or my family good. And I'm not saying that it cannot pursue things that are pleasures, but I will say this. If your only desire is to pleasure yourself and nothing else or the heart of God, you're missing out on a completely different life that is full of joy. You can live your life down that path very, very flesh driven instead of spirit filled, and you can still have a productive and successful and very, I mean fat, bank account. You know what I mean. Like I see it every single day. But it's just not the kind of joy that I know is capable by living a life that submitted to the spirit of God that says I have better, always, always have better for you. So that's the spirit feel kind of life and people don't even know what they're missing until they find it. So I hope that maybe through that or through more just like going after it, even just praying for like God, let me hear you. I hope that people can find the like that voice of the Holy Spirit and just allowing them to allow the Holy Spirit to lead their life. Another thing that you guys do together, and we're kind of getting to the end of our show here, but it is very important for couples, especially as me as someone who is going into marriage. You guys do this thing called find the fun, and you find the fun and so many different things. I think that that is so huge and crucial in having a relationship that works, having a family that works. Some of the things I know that you guys do, and if you're already like thinking of ideas to share, I hope I don't steal them, but I know one of the things you guys do is at Christmas, you hand each other like toys for one another, which amazing. Ashley and I are starting that like this year. Do it. I love that. Another thing you guys do is for Valentine's Day, you guys take each of you take the like one of the kids out on like a Valentine's date. Yeah, which is super amazing, which, when I have kids, totally going to do that as well. Is there anything else to maybe help springboard couples or maybe like a first step that they can do in either like hey,...

...here's that practical example of just do this, or hey, here is how we figure out things to just incorporate it. I think the biggest thing is knowing who each other are and then, when times get tough, drop everything and do something fun for each other. HMM, like just even as simple as you know what, let's go get coffee, let's go get ice cream, let's go walk in the park, let's let's go see a movie. You remember our car wash date? We did have a car watch date. Yeah, so made out in the car washing is awesome. So like, let's just go get the car washed and we made out in an outcame caidence. This is during quarantine. I was like that's great. Times. Let's go in a car WASHMAN. These kids won't leave us alone. So, yeah, quarantine is definitely been a stretching and cut the whole covid thing has been a challenge. So with that you've had to be creative and had to look at the horrible things that are happening in our world right now. How do we find fun in that? You just do you just you know who each other are and you go do something fun. Like I said, let's go get coffee, let's go spend fifteen minutes together in the car by ourselves, go get the car washed. You know, it's simple. It doesn't have to be elaborate. You don't have to get on a plane to go anywhere do anything like that. It can be as simple as drive to the ice cream shop and spend ten minutes of quiet conversation between the two of you with no other distractions. Turn your phones off, put them away, just let it be the two of you and go do something fun, whether it's go swinging apart, go take a walk, go have ice cream, just turn everything off in your house, sit on the couch together. You'n go anywhere the just be together and do something fun. Yeah, I think I wish like looking back retrospectively, I really feel feel like young couples. Without kids, there's like a whole different handbook, I'd right, and then with kids there's a whole different handbook. I'd right. You know, without kids, I keep on thinking about how many times like you need to foster the other person's independence and freedom. You know, I mean without kids. It so pay for you to go hang out with guys. It's okay for you to go to the baseball game and chill and be away from me. It's okay for me to go to a musical with my girlfriends and you not have to sit there and like it like we get so confused with we've got to like each other's interest. That means we love each other. How about? The beautiful thing is is that you're different people and you love different things and that can be yours. Like we can have independent loves of different things but still love each other very deeply. I think that scares people that are newly married to think if he doesn't love what I love, he doesn't love me, and that's not reality. Like the reality is is he's never going to be wired to sit through wicked and enjoy it and he's going to Piss me off that he's mad the whole time and ruin my experience of wicked. It's okay for me to go. Let me bring a girlfriend instead and have this independent personality outside of you. And so I think young, married without kids. That's what I see. Is such, so beautiful. That finds fun, is allowing you to have fun independently and it doesn't destroy you. It actually strengthens you, because when you come back together you're like, thank you so much. I knew that you saw that in me, that I needed that. Thank you. Not Everything has to be through Fu couple time. You know, it's okay to separate and come back and be like that was great, thank you for that. But then when you're with kids, like what he's describing, get fifty if people with kids, and you've got little ones right now listening. Let me qualify this statement for you. Finish and end conversations, like when you have little's in your house, you start a bazillion conversations that have no end to them and like you may end it four months later and be like hey, the things here. Did we ever decide what we were doing? And you're like good, don't remember. It's because you've lost sleep, you've lost brain cells, you stayed up too late. I mean, it's fine. So when he's saying enjoy these little things, sometimes that fifteen minute drive allows you to close and wrap up a conversation that you've not been able to do and that's your fun. So good, such a good note to end on. We always like to whoever we have on the show. Just if you have any way to let our listeners know where they can find you. Or they can find your podcast, where, they can find your books, they can fight everything. candace pain, where? Or can our listeners go candace pain dot me, candace paint me? That's right, dot n e, and so candace and pain are spelled with all a's, not a single eye in my name. HMM, so awesome.

...candace pain to got me. Very cool. Well, if you're still listening right now, take the advice of Christ and Cannas, turn this podcast off, unplug and go spend some time with your significant other, your kids, and we'll see you guys next time. Thank you. All right, y'all, we hope you loved that conversation. Here at young married Christian, we are on a mission to see a Gospel centered home made available for every single child in the foster care system. There are four hundred thousand kids in the foster care system and they are four hundred thousand churches in America. Y'All. The church can solve this problem. If you want to join us on this mission, text the word freedom to eight three, three, three seven hundred, one six, one hundred. And another thing you can do to help us grow the reach of this podcast is to leave a rating in apple podcast. It's super simple. Just go to the show's page, scroll down and give us a rating for this show, debot. What's a good rating? Typically just count the fingers on my hand and then I click that many stars. All right, so we're not telling you to give us a five star rating, but for the love of everything holy, it would help us tongue if you went and give us a rating. I guess for that guy that has four fingers, just add one. Yes, you don't even have to leave a review, because, let's be real, that takes too long. Just go to apple podcasts and leave us a rating. Yes, but seriously, though, if you do nothing else, at least text the word freedom to eight three, three, three, seven, oh, one six, one hundred and eight three three three seven out one and six one hundred hey three three thirty, seven out one six, one hundred and eight three three three, seven out one six, one hundred and Oulous.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (11)